27.12.11 Chocolate Biscuits

The Co-op has described the collection of biscuits as an "assortment", presented in a box of 450g.  Having adopted the metric system (against public opinion) some time ago, there has been a weird re-setting of benchmark weights.  One might expect under a metric system that 500g would be more appropriate for an assortment of biscuits - half a kilo.  In many instances, we still see metric equivalents for imperial measures, so a pound (1lb) is 454g.  The weight of 450g however is simply an adjusted figure for the benefit of the manufacturer, not the consumer.

The contents of this box can be identified by the picture and descriptions on the reverse side.  The twelve different biscuit types that make up the assortment of marginally below 1lb of sweetness, biscuit and additives are stated to have been covered in chocolate in an "assortment" of ways as well.  Here are the key elements:

1. Digestive biscuit smothered in thick milk chocolate . . . .
2. Crunchy digestive biscuit coated with milk chocolate . . . .
3. Crunchy finger coated with thick creamy milk chocolate . . . .
4. Crunchy biscuit ring enrobed with thick creamy milk chocolate.
5. Crunchy biscuit fully enrobed with rich, dark chocolate.
6. Sandwich biscuit . . . . generously coated in milk chocolate.
7. Digestive biscuit covered in white chocolate . . . .
8. Rich shortcake biscuit fully coated in white chocolate . . . .
9. Crumbly biscuit filled with chocolate cream and smothered with thick milk chocolate.
10. Crumbly biscuit filled with orange cream and coated with rich, dark chocolate.
11. Oat biscuit smothered with thick milk chocolate.
12. Digestive biscuit fully coated with milk chocolate . . . .

What a fantastic assortment of descriptions for the assortment of biscuits.  Some biscuits have been smothered, some covered, some coated and some even enrobed!  There's also variation in the extent to which chocolate has been applied, because some have the descriptions of fully or generously, to tempt the eater.  How to decide between one "enrobed in thick creamy milk chocolate" versus one that's "fully enrobed with rich, dark chocolate" is hard.  On a grammatical basis, one should of course technically go for the latter, because there is a comma after the word 'rich', as there ought to be with two adjectives preceding the noun.  Strangely, 'rich' is the only adjective the Co-op has decided needs separating in this way.  Both thick and creamy are exempt, apparently, from such an approach (?)

The very first biscuit pictured is a biscuit that's "topped with a star motif" and there's a sort of disc on top.  What the description does not include is the sneaky approach that's been adopted on the underside.  Hidden from view is a hole; no one could have predicted it would be there, but it's there.  There's no reason for it at all, in terms of biscuit construction, but I do believe that I have established exactly where the missing 4 grammes went !!!

I was about to finish this blog post, and no word of a lie, Junior MWSC mentioned the exact same thing.  As I was holding the box, he said (pointing to the first biscuit pictured):

"That one's a fucking con - all the top does is hide a massive hole in the bottom."

Like father like son.

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