Tuesday 26 April 2011

26.4.11 Death of Daily Mail

Unfortunately there is no excuse, there are no mitigating circumstances.  The standing of the Daily Mail has been compromised to the point of no return.  Standards have been slipping for a long time now, but the article on page 28 of last Saturday's edition started off with a scandalous opening paragraph.

The Government campaign to persuade people to eat five portions of fruit and veg a day have been a multimillion-pound flop.

With such lamentable grammar, the piece demonstrates why everything is simply fucked up.  Daniel Martin, Political Correspondent, ought to be ashamed of himself for writing this, and both he and the editor failed in their jobs by letting this go to print.  There is nothing more to say.

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26.4.11 Vegetation Management

I hadn't, until today, ever considered let alone used the term 'vegetation management'.  Looking out of my kitchen window early afternoon, I saw a silver Landrover, marked with yellow and red stripes.  People who drive vehicles that are adorned in stripes are on a weird power trip, even if they don't admit it.  I am quite sure they like the feeling that they are drawing attention to themselves, poncing about in hi-viz cars.  Anyway, this particular vehicle had the word "Enterprise" on the back panel, and below this was a strapline/mission statement.  As we all know (and as mentioned previously by me on postings) it's not enough for any company or organisation to state its name - no, it's now obligatory to have some stupid fucking sentence or phrase that explains what the company does.  So, West Midlands Police - Serving the Community, would be an example of this format; my own choice [should I ever make it to Chief Constable] would be Police - Catching Fucking Criminals.  Still, I think you get the point.

Back to the story; the Landrover had, below "Enterprise", the supplementary information - "Maintaining the Infrastructure of the UK".  What the cuntin' hell does that mean??  Exactly!  Fuck all!  So, to help the casual observer, there was a third tier of information, keeping the signwriter in work.  In brackets below the useless shit about infrastructure was the term 'Vegetation Management'.

So, here we have an expensive vehicle, adorned in red and yellow stripes, announcing to the world that it belonged to a company or organisation called "Enterprise" which was gainfully engaged, maintaining the UK's infrastructure, with particular emphasis on 'Vegetation Management'.  If any cunt can tell me what all that's about, and why the twat driving had to turn into my road twice, turn around and disappear, then I'll give him/her a cream bun.

I rather suspect that the driver was happy to while away some hours doing sweet FA.  I am not sure how I would begin to describe the "Infrastructure of the UK" to include a vegetation angle.  Perhaps the fucker was looking for a tree-lined boulevard, so he could slap a preservation order on it??

Are cows, horses, goats and sheep any less qualified to carry out vegetation management?  I think not.  This is quite clearly an excuse for a job; quangos exist to carry out such jobs, without any request by the public to do so, and at great expense to us all through governmental financial support.

This country is bonkers.

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26.4.11 Disgusting

The sight of Alex Ferguson chewing gum

Utterly vile!

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26.4.11 Oddities

Ten days ago, I stopped for breakfast at a McDonald's in West Lothian.  It might seem a bit hypocritical, what with my own diet not being exactly superb, but why was I able to witness a fat kid eating an ice cream at 9.22am ??  It was a Friday morning and she was not at school, although I think she had her uniform on - or something that passed for it.  So, she was either playing truant, or had got leave of absence for an appointment with the doctor or dentist.  Her problems, whether tooth related or obesity based, were not being helped through the ice cream consumption.

Later that afternoon, I stopped at a Little Chef.  There were no fat kids in sight.  After adding sugar to my take-away coffee, I was instantly appalled at the flimsy nature of the so-called 'stirrer'.  When Sir Frank Whittle invented the jet engine, he did not opt for creating a pointless hole in the middle of his invention.  When in 1898 John Jaques & Son started manufacturing the first table tennis sets, thus popularising the game, the bats were not given a pointless hole in the middle, as this would have rendered them useless.  So, I was dumbfounded to see that the stirrer resembled the thing that is stuck to the underside of the lid in a bottle of bubbles.  It was a plastic stick with a stupid oval bit of the bottom.  The gap provided space for coffee (or tea, should the drinker prefer it) to pass through, and so avoid movement expected by the one doing the stirring.  I tried to mix in the sugar, but despite my efforts, the manoeuvre was unsuccessful - on no less than three counts.

1 The fucking thing was too short, and so holding the top was only possible after accepting that my fingers would enter the liquid as well, and burn.

2 The resilience of the plastic to heat was marginally better than that of candy floss!  The thing bent and withered, as it made circuits of the cup under duress.

3 The design fault which left a hole in the bottom bit meant I was flogging a dead horse.  At home, I stir my tea with a teaspoon.  I have never been tempted to cut a fucking great hole in the big bit at the bottom, in the hope that my tea or coffee might be better stirred!

All of the above serves to illustrate how odd daily life is, as does my recent observation of a purchase at WH Smith, at a railway station.  How can it be right that a transaction involving two packets of Walkers Crisps required the use of a debit card?  That's right, the customer presented his plastic, entered a PIN, and successfully acquired Smokey Bacon and Cheese & Onion varieties, at 50p per packet.  Since when has it been normal to use electronic means at the level of £1 ??  Sad indeed.

The organic cordial I buy has shrunk; the bottle used to be 500ml but on my last trip to Middlesbrough Zoo, it was on the shelf in a 490ml bottle.  Incremental rip-off Britain.  Quite literally, in this case, the drip drip effect!  Meanwhile, Tesco has confirmed via the label on a small bag of 'Value' peppers that the Spanish contents measure 40mm+.  I was so glad when eating my fajitas this evening that the peppers had conformed to this wonderfully arbitrary standard - they tasted all the better for it.  However, I wonder in these harsh economic conditions whether in May, there might be acceptance of peppers which pass just the 35mm mark . . . I will keep you posted.

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Monday 25 April 2011

25.4.11 Floodgates

The floodgates are about to be opened.  On 1st May, a change in benefit rules for migrants means that nationals from Poland, Hungary and six other countries in eastern Europe will be able to apply for jobseeker's allowance and housing benefit as soon as they set foot in the UK.  This basically means a £250 per person per week handout.

Apparently experts fear millions will flock to Britain.  Well, I'm no fuckin' expert but I agree.  A couple of million extra people on the dole and claiming housing benefit is exactly what this country needs, especially in these harsh economic times.  Two millions migrants could equate to a bill for the UK of 52 x 2,000,000 x £250, so £26 Billion Pounds.

Labour fucked up big time, and its actions were scandalous!  Yet the coalition is doing nothing to sort things out.  So, we are cutting services, shutting libraries, swimming pools and anything else that might save a few quid, and thousands are being made redundant.  Companies are down-sizing or going bust.  Yet, continuing in its long established role of "Biggest Mug In The World", the UK is somehow showing fantastic capability for making things so much worse!  The unemployed will drain resources to the point where workers will be better off leaving the country; working anywhere else will almost certainly mean lower taxes, and a more positive environment.  There's also a fair chance that there will be space, seeing as high numbers will have moved to the UK.  Revenues in terms of tax will be down, what with people leaving the UK in complete despair at the stupidity of government, and with the job losses all over the place.  Thus, there will be a massive swing to even more loafing around.  Britain will be a nation of spongers, scroungers, layabouts, migrants, and opportunists.  I have nothing against migrants - but everything against a system that encourages migration, and rewards limitless numbers of people to move here by handing over millions, even billions of pounds.

If I were destitute and living in Europe, with little hope in life, then I would most certainly travel to the UK and claim my dole and housing benefit.  It's like passing 'Go' on Monopoly.  The blame for this mess lies with the last Labour government.  The fact that the coalition government is now overseeing further degeneration of the country and its finances is worrying.  I am of the opinion that at some time this decade, there will be severe turmoil in Britain.  Discontent at alarmingly high levels will lead to unrest, and a downward spiral.  It is time to opt out.

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Friday 22 April 2011

22.4.11 University Fees

University fees are inevitably going to be standardised at £9,000/yr.  No university can avoid charging this without being seen as inferior.  The real scandal is not just this ludicrous level of expense, but the fact that in Scotland, the charge is 'nil'.  What a complete joke.  "United Kingdom" - fuck off, we are not united at all!  The whole of the so called UK is becoming more and more devolved.  This is not just limited to Northern Ireland, Scotland (that has long since got the best deal all round) and Wales (itching to catch up with the Scots) but even within cities, and cultures and faiths.  Let's be clear about this; there is no integration, no assimilation, no single community, and in many cases no understanding or tolerance.  There are clans and ghettos, no-go areas, segregation and levels of devolution far beyond the four parts of the UK.  Anyway, I digress [that's Scotland's fault for getting an unfair advantage].

The second tier of scandal is that after spending (on paper) criminally high levels of dosh on a degree, the student's qualification is worth less than ever in the real world.  Three or four years of work where it's hard to earn money, easy to spend (ie. £9k/yr plus expenses) and a reward of a degree that loads of other people who have passed can wave around seems a bit of a shit deal.  So here we come to it, the real problem with universities and fees; too many people trying to get them.

The last Labour government more than any other faction in society, insisted that it should enable more young people to go to university, and did everything it could to push the poorer people in society to think they should participate.  There were fundamental flaws and grave consequences for such an approach.

In the old days, getting a good degree was a great ambition to have, and would be a good start to a future career.  Parents would delight in the success of their offspring, and talk to friends and neighbours about James or Julia, and about how well things were going and how marvellous he/she was.  The fees were non-existent, although parental financial support was in most cases vital.  The students themselves were at university on merit - ability to show they were capable of learning etc.  So, if you 'went to university' you were clever, and different from the masses.  Employers could deal with this, and if you had a degree, they often gave you a job on the basis of your being clever.  So, employers could identify talent, parents could beam (and gloat) and be happy that the money they contributed to upkeep etc was well invested, and the students themselves were generally better off for the experience.

These days, we're all dealing with the mess created by the madness of letting over half of all youngsters become further education students and believe they are clever, and that it's their right to get a degree for attending a course.  GCSEs of lower quality in spurious subjects and/or taught so that kids pass rather than understand, were the first fuck-up.  The prevalence of course work in assessment and grading means that too many people get As [hence the need to get an A* now] and in some cases morons get a qualification.  The establishment then rewards these idiots by encouraging them to stay at school with a weekly EMA payment.  Then, after being awarded some A levels [this used to stand for 'Advanced' but now it stands for 'Average'] they are further encouraged, and told to claim their right to a degree from somewhere or other.  With little work available [assuming the person has even half an ounce of inclination to work] it is often the case that the certified student progresses to uni. 

The establishments are awash with average ability students, all gaining pieces of paper that say little about their abilities, intellect, common sense or anything else of relevance.  Many pass degrees in Economics and Maths but cannot spell; apparently it doesn't matter anymore if you cannot spell.  Is that why we hear of maths teachers who cannot write school reports properly?  There are those who study History of Art but couldn't tell you what 8% commission might be on the sale of a Picasso at £1,000,000.  There are Chemistry graduates who would (using the same example) struggle to believe that a Citroen could be worth £1Million.  In summary, the benefit of degrees is often rather dubious.  Well-rounded individuals whose intellect has been exercised (although exorcised is no doubt the correct word in some cases) and tested over a few years, such that they leave with a degree and real ability in the workplace/life, are few and far between.  Instead, we have thousands of people in debt, holding degrees that mean little, with no work experience to their name (excluding supermarket and McDonalds part-time work) who expect to be catered for.  Society has actually encouraged them to believe they are good/worthy/clever, yet makes them run up debts now, with no promise of employment at all, and employers themselves are at a loss to understand whom they should be employing.

If everyone in the country posted a parcel next week, and wrote "Fragile" on it (regardless of the contents) then it would not really help the Post Office to take care (as if it ever does) in an appropriate manner.  Just as every menu and foodstuff now includes "May contain traces of nut", too much of anything is pointless - whether it's fragile (like the whole economy and education system) or nuts (like the twats who decided it was good to push everyone into higher education) or degrees (which are now in danger of highlighting a "degree of time wasting" before employment at a basic level, if available or even desired on minimum wages).

Students now have a tough time and it must be stressful - more so for the ones who are not actually good enough to be at university - and this will do little to help them learn.  They are angry with the government.  This one has inherited a big problem, and has not solved anything by allowing a £9,000 charge to be levied.  The previous regime was happy to herd as many to the uni turnstiles as it could, irrespective of talent, in much the same way as it opened the floodgates on immigration [as it is now admitting to us all, although as quietly as possible].  Manipulation of the masses, whether through bogus statistics or policies on education and employment, or allowing mass entry to the UK for people who would be more likely to vote Labour, the champions of the poor [although those in the Labour government always do more than okay] have screwed students past and present - and future.  The stupidity of funnelling (actually, kettling would seem most appropriate considering the times we live in and the police tactics for containing students on protest marches) the young towards higher education has served to create discontent, disharmony, disgust, dismay and was done with dishonesty.

Would a company with 200 employees train 100 of them to be first aiders?  Of course not, that would be overkill.  Would 100 be trained as pilots to fly the owner around in the private jet?  Of course not.  Should every car driver in the country be made to take the Advanced Driving Test?  Hmmm . . . that sounds a good idea at first consideration - but like the 'university for all' option, it's not actually workable.  Insurers would then give no benefit for those 50% who pass the Advanced Driving Test, as it becomes the norm.  Everyone would have invested time and money to get a piece of paper.  Useless drivers would eventually pass, even on the tenth attempt - just like thick students might get a degree eventually.  Genuinely good drivers would struggle to get any benefit with a good insurance premium.  Instead, it would all come down to a simple approach: get on and drive for a year, and then we will review.  That's where we are now with graduates: get on and work for a year and then we will review.

So, the fees (excluding Scotland of course - sorry, I should say if you're a Scot, because there's discrimination against visitors to Scottish universities and payment is required) are awful and unfair.  The only benefit I can see is that some teenagers considering going to university will have a close look at themselves, and decide against going.  Perhaps in a refreshing way, they may challenge the bullshit that society feeds them, and make a personal assessment of their abilities, commitment and dedication.  Many may find that they are not up to the grade, and going with the flow is hardly appropriate for £9k/yr.

The consequence of too many going to university is a fucked-up system.  Universities themselves will collect the money, pontificate about standards, commitment to young people and institutional excellence.  It is all (and will continue to be) bollocks.  Shit courses and shit subjects will be generated so that shit teachers/lecturers teach students (many of whom are thick).  The University will collect the £9k for each occupied seat, and laugh all the way to the bank.  The government will eventually realise that all the thick people with degrees will never repay the money, because they are too thick to earn enough to get a job that pays sufficiently well to reimburse the state.  That will lead to a shortfall, and the only way to balance the books is to raise fees so that those who eventually pay up will cover the deficit.  It's a bit like the interest on your Barclaycard being higher than it needs to be, to cover fraud losses.  There will also be those who shuffled into university and got a pointless degree, who in fact do earn enough to have to start paying back.  However, many will be from backgrounds where family influences and traits could spark an unwillingness to do so.  If governments insist on plonking thousands and thousands of so-called disadvantaged people in universities, it creates major problems - and the ordinary people themselves become disadvantaged.  What a farce. 

Market forces work to stop fucked up situations arising.  Interventions create artificial bases and at some point, it all starts to unravel.   The government might as well have peddled drugs.  Isn't that a tried and trusted business method - hook the punter, then put up the price?

If I was 18 and looking at going to university next October, I'd quickly decide on a 'No'.  I would no more take up a university course than sign a contract with Brighthouse to pay for a TV weekly, at 30% apr.  Maybe the only takers are those with no intention of paying back (?)

I believe that fees should be capped at £5,000, and increased annually only by the percentage applied by the government to increase pensioners' allowances every budget.  That would stop the government ripping off students while recognising older people's needs, and keep fairness/balance involved.  The £5,000 should be levied to all students across the whole UK.  Foreign nationals should pay more as set by each university, just as foreigners should be made to pay for NHS services.  Each student should be reimbursed for non-attendance and failures by the university and its staff.  If a class is missed because a lecturer is off, then a refund should be obligatory.  If I pay for something and it doesn't work, I take it back and get a refund!  Courses should be monitored, and students should have the chance to highlight concerns over shit they have paid good money for.  There should be a removal of shit courses from universities who simply want to attract idiots and make money. 

Student numbers should be reduced, as there's no point in a system where there's reduced means to distinguish talents/people.  If another lane is added to a motorway, cars will come and people will use it.  Soon, it will appear that the extra lane has always been there, and traffic issues will continue to arise, and too many cars will arrive more quickly at the place where the motorway narrows or at exits - and the road network will simply be fucked.  Expanding the capacity of higher education, especially with shit courses, leads to more and more students filling up universities.  At the end of the road, there's nowhere to go, and so the expansion was pointless, expensive and needless - and the once-good system is now simply fucked.  Universities are self-serving and are run like businesses.  Like the BBC with its licence fee money, universities sit back and collect - then decide what they want to do with the money.  They should be held to account, and all students should be allowed to see declared finances, and see where their money has gone.  I suspect that they have expenses that look no better than those of the MPs who were recently shown to be (in many cases) self-serving fucks.

I think that government policy has served to give one fantastic advantage to students, their greatest asset - a boost to numbers!  It should be quite easy for students to cause a blockade at each campus and completely fuck up the system.  That would be a lot better than going on marches.

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Thursday 21 April 2011

21.4.11 Nanny State (No.2)

Driving along the motorway, I was surprised to see an overhead gantry showing the instruction "Check Your Fuel Level".  I'd never before realised that the car I was driving needed fuel; I had to that point simply driven where I wanted to go - after all, my car is like the Magic Porridge Pot, though producing combustible liquid rather than gloopy breakfast.  Are we all now that fuckin' thick that we need to be told to check a fuel gauge?  What next? 

"Check your windscreen wash"
"Have you got a piss bottle with you?"
"Are your tyres inflated?"
"Oi, you cunt, turn your lights on!"

We have long since got used to the "Tiredness Kills, Take a Break" slogan.  I'd already guessed that if I went to sleep while driving at 70mph, it would be a bit foolish, and could possibly cause me to lose control of the vehicle, especially if I used my extra comfy pillow.  So thanks to the regularly received advice that tiredness can kill, I choose to sleep when I'm in my bed.

When I am buying alcoholic drinks, I do not need to be told, "Eating first will help you to retain control".  However, the Co-op clearly thinks its customers need this advice.  As far as I am concerned, the little sign on the shelf that relayed this gem of wisdom was asking to be removed, less because I was annoyed at being lectured to, more because the message itself is flawed.  Eating before drinking alcohol does not help anyone retain control, as no amounts are given.  If I eat a Mars Bar and then have ten pints, I reckon I will retain enough control to do little more than fall asleep somewhere other than a dual carriageway.  If I drink two pints on an empty stomach, I'll be fine.  Further, if I eat a lot, then I'll have to drink even more to get pissed, so the Co-op's cautionary note is likely to increase the consumption of alcohol, as people struggle to overcome the barrier to drunkenness that food provides.  The other pathetic sign on the shelf stated that: "Consuming water in between alcoholic drinks helps you avoid the effects of dehydration".  No fuckin' shit, Sherlock!  I was sorely tempted to put my own sign up, next to the Evian and Perrier, saying: "Consuming alcohol between taking in water help you to avoid being a boring cunt".

Don't cross the road unless it's clear to do so, don't slip between the train and the platform, always use a condom [never understood that one - they're not much use at all, really; useless for stirring Angel Delight].  The world is now full of crappy directives and advice, as unseen forces have decided that we're all thick and need prodding. 

By the way, I opened a tiny pot of black pepper at the weekend; written on the side of it was "May contain traces of nut".  How can traces of nut get everywhere on the planet, even into a tiny pot of pepper!  If there is ever a virus that will wipe out the planet, it will take the form of a trace of nut.  Based on the evidence [arse covering notes all over the place] it apparently gets into almost every foodstuff on the planet now - never used to, though.

Driving to Edinburgh last week, a roadside instruction said "Slow Down".  No, it wasn't one of the new signs that flashes if a sensor picks up on the fact you're going too fast.  It was a fixed, standard, metal sign - so whatever speed I was doing, I was apparently expected to slow down.  I had to anyway, as the literate snail that was crawling near the gutter in front of me did an emergency stop, and I had to do the same . . .

A sign of the times
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21.4.11 Radio 4 Grammar

Radio 4 once considered itself a protector of standards, but I'm here to state that any such view is unjustified.  When the guy with the ears from Dragons' Den, three days ago on the Today programme, said: 'Some other group have come in . . .' I shuddered at the complete dumbing down; it was like listening to a footballer after a game - you know, "I like them sorta crosses, and we was well in control". 

Also on that same R4 programme was a sports report in which the reporter said, 'You do the math'.  Fuck right off!  This appalling phrase does not belong in the UK - it lives in the USA.

The AA spokesman on the next report said, 'The Highways Agency haven't acted . .'.  There's me thinking that proper grammar is Agency has, or Agencies have.  Twats on R4.

'A large group of people gather round . .'.  Ditto; does no one at R4 understand the collective noun and basic grammar that used to be understood in my day at age 8 - not now of course, as youngsters these days need just thumbs and a grunt.

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Tuesday 19 April 2011

19.4.11 Middlesbrough Zoo

I had a brief visit the other day to Middlesbrough Zoo.  It's not in the same league as other more well-known zoos, places like Chessington, Edinburgh, or London.  Even Chester and Whipsnade have better ones.  Nevertheless, I'd advocate a visit, so if you're in the area, try to make time.

I saw a fair few creatures that gave me cause to marvel.  A small group of chubby females wandered past me, each with skin predominantly covered not by fur but some sort of cotton-like matter, black and smooth over bulging flab.  Some of the markings were a bit wild, and whilst they were no doubt intended to attract those of the opposite sex, the painted faces looked to me rather gruesome.

The young were not well behaved.  Most decided to run around, and do everything possible to wind up the parents.  Engaging in strange rituals, the families would roam the compound in a surreal manner.  The young were irritants to the mothers, who typically called out without effect; occasionally there was an attempt at battery.  The males adopted the classic traits of hunter-gatherers, and would leave the family unit to forage, usually returning with something that got a nod of approval.  The packs rarely stopped moving, although a few loners did seem to look a bit lost and puzzled by their surroundings.  I observed a fair amount of scratching of heads - and scratching of arses for that matter.  Occasional squeals seemed to travel towards me from unknown sources. 

There were smells that I found distasteful, but that's to be expected in a zoo.  Obviously the cleaners had need now and again to mop up sick and shit, something that goes with the territory for a minimum wage and free overalls.  I saw a couple of bananas being chewed, and a bird with a bandage struggling to walk towards the edge of the enclosure, looking for milk.

Some of the shells of the fatter animals looked like nylon, although there were a few other patterns to behold.  Zebra stripes mixed with leopard spots, but there were few creatures that looked good.  The place was overrun, and strangely I felt claustrophobic in the confines of some of the narrow walkways.  Still, it was intriguing to observe the habits of so many breathing, squealing, farting, noisy, ugly things, all in one place.  Charles Darwin would have struggled to understand how most of them managed to make it through the natural selection process; I suspect he would have concluded that there must have been a parallel system of unnatural selection.

I thoroughly recommend a trip to Middlesbrough Zoo, as it will baffle you, confuse you, disgust you, yet amaze you, and the experience should be educational.  It's free to get in, though you're expected to make a purchase from the shop before leaving; there are quite a few tills on the way out, although I couldn't find any postcards to buy.

Directions

Follow the A66 eastwards from the town centre, and after less than two miles you will see on the left the turning and a large sign that's green, with just a few letters:

ASDA

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Monday 11 April 2011

11.4.11 Dr Oetker

Doctor Fuckin' Oetker has lost the fuckin' plot!

He now sells candles and holders in a convenient small plastic pot/tube, under the label of "Party Candles".  Unfortunately the cunt has rather fucked up on the quantities contained within the pot.  Harvey's 18th Birthday is being marred by the deficiency of candle holders. 

What is the sense in selling - "18 Candles & 12 Holders" ???????

The only possible benefit of a difference between the number of candles and holders is a re-use of holders, but that only works if you're the right age.  If Harvey was having his 8th birthday, then we could use 8 candles this year and 9 next year, so 17 in all.  But, we'd only need 9 holders, not 12!  For 12 to be needed, then the other function would have to be a celebration involving 6 candles.  Unfortunately that's nothing to do with Harvey.  Unless we'd bought the Dr Oetker item for Harvey's 6th Birthday, and then saved the remaining 12 candles for use six years later, the maths behind Dr Oetker's product are fucking useless!

12 holders and 18 candles is thus a crap combination, and quite simply a fuck-up.

As things stand, it's Harvey's 18th Birthday, and the cake has 12 holders with 12 candles, plus 6 candles stuck directly into the cake.  Dr Cuntin Oetker should go back to school and reconsider his educational needs.

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11.4.11 Black & Yellow

I listened to 'The Charts' yesterday, in the car on the way back from Birmingham Airport.  What a heap of complete shit!

It's been a few years since I endured this supposed 'entertainment' and it was a revelation.  The 4pm-7pm radio show offered a Top 40 although it was a blessing (I now suppose) that I only managed to catch the top 11 of the charts.  What complete bollocks the charts now are!

I need to emphasise that 'shit' is inadequate as an adjective for the charts.  Now, you may or may not like Adele as an artist.  Whatever your view, you will not be able to contest that she sings proper songs.  Her entry in the top ten was on its own, in that it was the only song with real lyrics and a tune, plus some competence and ability to sing.  The rest of the shit was cuntin' awful.  Even the Number 1 from "J-Lo" was pathetic.  But the worst apology for a record was something called "Black & Yellow".  This was the most mind-numbing dose of shit I have ever been served since I was born.  Twats with no musical ability mumbling 'Black and Yellow' constantly, as a backing track, while a useless fucker whines about nothing of relevance was the worst sound I've ever heard.

I would classify the track as "Perfect Shit".  It was so bad that it perfectly demonstrated the worst song that can be produced.  So, it does therefore have something to its credit; it is absolutely perfectly demonstrates 100% shit.  Congratulations to the 'performers'.

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Sunday 3 April 2011

3.4.11 Fish & Chips

The council in Stockport, Greater Manchester, has decided to enforce a new policy that's just as stupid as the government's plan to keep cigarettes from view in shops.  It has told 'fish and chip' shops, cafes and curry houses to hide salt pots as part of a health campaign.  That means customers will now have to ask for the fuckin' salt!

Apparently it's designed to reduce excessive consumption.  The world's gone fucking mad!  Fish & Chips without salt ??

Apparently it's okay for protesters in London to hide their faces by wearing balaclavas before smashing up property, but it is equally important for salt to be hidden from view.

Cuntin' madness!

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3.4.11 Costa Coffee

The cost of coffee is extortionate.  The Costa Coffee I bought last Friday was £2.45 for a fairly small (but described as 'regular') cup of warm liquid that disappeared in half a dozen unsatisfying slurps.  When I asked for the Latte, I was in turn asked if I had a Points Card!  What the fuck?  Are we now so obsessed with drinking coffee that on top of all the other plastic squares we're supposed to carry, a points card for fucking coffee is deemed necessary!

I considered that at two cups per day, the cost against that associated with carrying a one-litre flask is amazing.  The difference would equate to about £1200 per year cash, so about £2000 of my gross salary;  for cuntin' coffee!

Madness.

...

3.4.11 Race Equality Twat

Sandwell Council organised a day trip (at a cost of £2100) supervised by a copper and five council staff, for 19 known trouble-makers.  The seventeen to nineteen year olds were being kept away from a march by the English Defence League in Dudley, West Midlands, and so a day at Blackpool pleasure beach was deemed worthwhile.

However, five of the thugs attacked a man, and one punched him so hard it left him unconscious.  Two of the five were on bail at the time over a separate 'hammer attack'.  Three were given sentences and two got community orders.

The boss of 'Race Equality Sandwell' said: "I would not say the trip had failed.  Its purpose was to keep them away from the march."

What a fucking twat!

I somehow think that the trip could hardly be described as a resounding success, and I rather suspect that the defensive approach adopted by the person concerned was a pathetic effort at trying to avoid open embarrassment at the complete failure of an expensive venture, dreamed up by idiots in charge.  I thought councils were trying to economise at the moment . . . . .

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3.4.11 Broken Arm

On a Ryanair flight, I was putting hand luggage in the overhead locker when the woman in the seat directly behind me decided to issue an order.  "Can you put my bag up there, because I've broken my arm."  Now, any request to assist someone by lifting a bag would have been met with compliance by most people, and I duly obliged.  This was despite the intonation of the woman, who did not ask, but stated that I needed to comply.  It was almost as if I should somehow have been aware of her broken arm (despite there being no evidence at all of any injury) and stepped in without being asked!

Her rudeness and sullen approach was unacceptable, but as if on autopilot, I simply complied in just a few seconds.  There was no 'Thank You' at all.

After landing, I did not rush to join in with the madness that commences, when everyone stands and tries to get ready to leave the plane.  So, I did not rush to stand and try to manoeuvre while getting down the hand luggage.  The woman behind was forced to stand before me, and she had to 'collar' some other innocent passer-by.  A poor bloke was stopped as he aimed for the front of the plane.  "I need my bag down," she said, pointing up.  The bloke did the necessary, and moved on.  I was amazed, but so fucking glad to see the back of her (as she fucked off forwards to the front of the plane).

What an ignorant cunt.

Collecting the hire car at Malaga was a fiasco.  The hire care was booked with "Advantage", a company name which could not have been more inappropriate.  Anyway, during the course of a 70-minute wait, while standing in the car park near the office, I watched a car go by, driven by an ugly middle aged woman with a sour look.  It was the cunt with the self-declared broken arm!  I bet she did not declare to the hire company her injury!

Cunt.

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