Friday 24 January 2020

24.1.20 Tulips From The Co-op

Arriving home to minimal beer supplies, I was gently ushered in the direction of the Co-op by Mrs MWSC.  I was suitably equipped and empowered with her debit card, and so with her blessing (and pending thirst) I toddled off.

In the Co-op, I was forced to pick up a box containing ten cans of Fosters, along with the Brioche which had been requested by Junior.  At the tills, one was operational and the attendant was attending to a customer, so I waited in a line of ..... me.  Yes, I was not going to be kept long - but long enough to espy some flowers that were in a small bucket on the till that was not in use.  Of some mild interest and attraction were the orange stickers used to denote a price reduction.  I leaned to the right, and set about establishing the price of each of the two bunches on offer, loitering in the aforementioned container.  One was a fairly bulky gathering of flora, and I clocked the £1.65 price, substantially less than the original £6.00.  But they looked like they were already toying with the idea of dying soon.  Plus, £1.65 was out of my range of interest.  The other bunch posed more of a conundrum.




The interest level was mildly enhanced by the price tag - 65p rather than an original £3.50.  The temptation was immense.  However, it was not immense enough to reach purchasing status.  Delightful as the 5 or 6 buds were, in their plastic wrapper, I was in two minds.  Mrs MWSC has received flowers from me on perhaps a handful of occasions - ever.  These little closed buds were sweet if not numerous.  I struggled internally, and held out.  I decided that it would in fact be a poor show to buy discounted flowers, and as the till became free, I moved forward to complete my purchase.

In the kitchen, I took two items from the carrier bag, and relayed to Mrs MWSC my very recent experience, encounter with tulips, and conundrum regarding the possible purchase.

"I decided that I would actually save a further 65p and not buy them at all," said I to Mrs MWSC.

This led to an unusual state of affairs.  A perception of romanticism on my part by Mrs MWSC, mixed with acknowledgement of pragmatism as a result of my reticence to part with 65p and the derived contribution to joint finances at this 65p level.  Her chuckles were themselves rewarding, and I felt I'd done well, even though I was reminiscing and considered that I really ought to have bought them.  We embraced, and agreed that it was the thought that counted, and we were 65p better off, while having enjoyed the benefit of tulips without their actual arrival at the house.

Mrs MWSC then pointed out that should I have bought the tulips, it would in fact have been herself who would have parted with the paltry 65p, as I was carrying her debit card!  So it turned out that she did not buy for herself a small bunch of lovely pink tulips, and would not be locating a vase on the window sill.  I was content in the knowledge that I'd done well.  I had come close to buying the flowers, which was itself a nice gesture.  I had then enhanced the overall outcome buy saving an extra 65p.

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Saturday 18 January 2020

18.1.20 Cuntish Driver Of The Day

A19, two lanes to continue, and one lane to filter off to the left - which I move into well ahead of the actual point of leaving the A19.  I am travelling at 70mph, and behind me there is considerable space before any following cars,  I am surprised by a black car that has zoomed from nowhere, and has decided to force its way in front of me.  I either have to crash into it, or slow to allow access to the lane at the last minute

S30 FYA

Complete cuntishness and danger

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Sunday 12 January 2020

12.1.20 TV Lowlights of the Week

This is hardly going to be a riveting read, but what the fuck.  The frustrations of assessing the TV Guide bring out the cunt in me, as I wonder how on earth the main channels think they can get away with serving up such utter shit, and flooding the schedules with repeats as well.  Anyway, there's always Netflicks of a DVD.  Here's a quick look at the week.


Saturday 11th

There was not much on yesterday, but I did manage to pluck out some notable entries in my TV Guide.  I'll ignore all the cooking-based shit, and just note a few low-lights for you.

2:00pm BBC1 - Garden Rescue  Two ex-servicemen's backyards.....
I stopped reading after that.

6:30pm BBC2 - Nature's Biggest Beasts  No, there's no mention at all of Gemma Collins, and instead the information is How Komodo dragons and giraffes overcome the challenge of their size.

8:30pm ITV - The Voice  This is the show where over the course of an hour and a half, less intro, adverts, recaps, padding and competition announcements, about six entrants are nudged on stage so that we can all watch the pathetic angst of four nobs who might or might not turn around.  The ratio of singing to other stuff is appalling, and The Voice should be renamed The Shananigans of the Judges.

10:00pm ITV - Shopping With Keith Lemon  Has there ever been a worse concept for a television programme, or an edition with such poor content?  The person who pitched this to ITV is a wanker, whilst ITV is a wanker-of-an-entity for accepting it.  The guide told me: Keith goes rug shopping with antiques legend David Dickinson and visits an Asian supermarket with singer-songwriter Lily Allen, while also talking about their respective lives and careers.  I am sure you don't need me to highlight the numerous flaws in the whole thing, aside from references to a rug, and Lily Allen.  Just pathetic all round, and deserving of a WTCF?

Sunday 12th

Today, I plan to watch paint dry, and possibly devote an hour or two to watching bread exposed to air, gently curl on the kitchen side, in preference to anything on the TV.

6:00pm ITV - Dancing On Ice  Does anyone give a fuck about who can and who cannot skate?  Apparently another six famous faces make their debut on the ice.  Hopefully their bodies, especially the legs, accompany them, and I am forced to ignore the singular of debuts in the guide's waffle about the tired programme.  But then I see another grammatical howler: The full line-up of celebrities are Ben Hanlin, Caprice, Joe Swash etc.  The line-up areWTCF?

6:45pm C4 - The Great Pottery Throw Down  The 17th pointless programme with "Great" in the title, and a whittling down of contestants over far too many weeks.  There are ten fucking programmes in this potty show.

9:00pm BBC1 - The Trial Of Christine Keeler  There has been a perfectly good film made about the Profumo affair, called Scandal, devoting 115 minutes of any viewer's life to the events of 1963.  I suggest that the only 'Trial' here is the gruelling six hours over six weeks that the viewer will need to invest to be updated on things, not that anything has changed of course.  Today there's the chance to see the 4th hour.

Monday 13th

11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed  Two thieves who stole a tortoise from a zoo.  A delightful thirty minutes of 'entertainment', not!

9:00pm ITV - Cold Feet.  One to avoid, of course.

Tuesday 14th

11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed  Detectives follow a trail of blood that leads to an elusive thief.  Not that elusive, then!

8:00pm BBC2 - Cornwall: This Fishing Life  Competition is fierce as the ring-netters of Newlyn go out on the hunt.  This reads so much better if the 'h' in 'Fishing' is swapped with a 't'.

9:00pm C5 - Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild  This reads so much better if the 'e' in 'New' is swapped with an 'o'.

Wednesday 15th

12:05am C5 - Kerry Katona: In Therapy  Late night viewing for anyone who's desperate, depressed and discombobulated to fuck.

Thursday 16th

11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed  A mum fears for her life as two men armed with an axe head for her room.  Well, she's got a keen eye, then..... no flies on her!

Friday 17th



8:00pm ITV - The Greek Islands With Julia Bradbury  Is anyone else a bit fed up with watching her being paid to go on holiday, and wander around?  I most certainly am.

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Saturday 11 January 2020

11.1.20 Mad Utterances


The shite that leaves people's mouths is often grammatically pathetic, sometimes hilarious, but also mind numbingly stupid.  There are so many examples these days of tautology and inappropriate use of prepositions.  Here are some examples that I have gathered together for your attention.




Scotland's defence has been dessicated - unknown

New York are great at making pizzas - Chris Moyles

TSB offers interest to all their customers - TV advert

The orchestra try to emulate - Radio 4

MI5 themself have ... - Radio 4

A very crucial question - Ore Oduba

North Yorkshire Police's taskforce are out on patrol - unknown

It was problematised - unknown

It was tempered down - unknown

Without the media being able to ask the questions itselves - Helen Lewis

It one-channelises the water - unknown [wtf?]

England's 50-year wait to be world champions may be nearer -
Gary Richardson on Radio 4, talking shite

I just hope everyone at home enjoy it as well - Emma Barton on Strictly Come Dancing

People will need to meet certain criterion - Andrea Leadsom

If you want to reduce it down - Bloke on Gardeners' Question Time

You can control natural phenomenon - Radio 4 caller using singular not plural

Prevention is the other big criteria - The same Radio 4 caller, using plural not singular

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Thursday 9 January 2020

9.1.20 Manipulative Meghan

Meghan Markle was always going to be trouble.  I said so when they got together, as did Mrs MWSC.  We watched them in their first joint interview on TV, and were certain of her being most unsuitable (forgive the pun).  The desperation to secure attention and a royal title was obvious, and the only question was - How long will it take her to fuck up Harry and the Royal Family?



Manipulative Meghan & Bewildered Buffoon

Not that long, it turns out.  She connived to secure her prize, and was the architect of the so-called problems that have arisen, and the gripes that are mentioned as reasons for unhappiness etc.  While she was destined to be a fucking pain in the arse and a disruptive influence, Harry was oblivious, or didn't give a fuck.  That complete stupidity and/or ignorance and/or disrespect for his position, privilege and standing is atrocious.  The cosseted nob needs to be let loose, if that's what he wants, but without a title and half a dozen Scotland Yard security people guarding him all the time.

Meghan Markle has performed a perfect hit and run mission, bagging her bloke (for now).  There is no doubt they will split up in the future.  This is all just a slightly more royal version of the Cheryl Tweedy & Liam Payne story.  So she's got her man, a baby, a title and the attention of the world, and now she's getting her own way.  Hoiked off to North America, willingly it seems, Harry is a sucker and a half - though I have no sympathy at all.



Yes, Bugger Off ASAP

Sadly, the media is obsessed with the pair of twats, and I am forced to sift through this shit to find some real news.   

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Wednesday 8 January 2020

8.1.20 Beyonce Assault Of The Ears

How I have escaped until now I do not know, but I am thankful for the peace.  However, I have now experienced the pain that comes from listening to a 'song' on the radio by Beyonce - Run The World (Girls).  The repetition is as awful as the tuneless chanting, which in turn is as awful as the lyrics.  Basically, unless you are a moron, this will offend you.  Read and weep, and if you are suicidal, masochistic or stupid, try listening on YouTube.


Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls! We run this motha, woah, yep
Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Some of them men think they freak this
Like we do
But no they don't makes your cheque
Come at they neck
Disrespect us no they won't
Boy don't even try to touch this (touch this)
Boy diz beat is crazy (crazy)
This is how they made me (made me)
Houston, Texas, baby!
Diz goes out to all my girls that's
In the club rockin the latest
Who will buy it for themselves
And get more money later
I think I need a barber
None of these niggas can fade me
I'm so good with this
I remind you I'm so hood with this
Boy I'm just playin come here baby
Hope you still like me (if you hate me)
My persuasion can build a nation
Endless power with our love we can devour
You'll do anything for me
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
It's hot up in here DJ don't be
Scared to run this, run this back
I'm reppin for the girls who takin over the world
Let me raise a glass for the college grads
41 rollin to let you know what time it is, check
You can't hold me (can't hold me)
I broke my 9 to 5 and copped my cheque
This goes out to all the women
Gettin it you on yo grind
To the other men that respect what I do
Please accept my shine
Boy you know you love it how we're
Smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bear the children
Then get back to business
See, you betta not play me (me)
Don't come back here baby (b)
Hope you still like me (if you hate me)
My persuasion can build a nation
Endless power with our love we can devour
You'll do anything for me
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run this motha (woah!) Girls!
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who run the world, girls (girls)
Who are we? What we brought the world
(Who run diz motha) Yeah
Who are we? What we brought the world
(Who run diz motha) Yeah
Who are we? What do we run? We run the world
(Who run diz motha) Yeah
Who are we? What we run? We run the world
Who run the world? Girls (girls)

What the cunting fuck?

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8.1.20 Absolute Cock of the Day


This evening's journey on the A19 involved some jousting with a black BMW (what else) and the dangerous shenanigans resulting from the driver's undertaking, attempts to muscle in where there was no room, speeding and tailgating.  At one point I am 8 inches away from the tosser who tried to force me back as he tried to squeeze in the fast lane having zoomed up the inside the to bumper of a car ahead.

CY10 GZA

Wanker With Wheels

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Sunday 5 January 2020

5.1.20 TV Review - 2020 Vision

I have not recently bothered with any sort of review, but the new season of shite on the terrestrial channels for 2020 has brought out some frustrations, and I cannot leg some of the matters go.  Rather, I feel obliged record my feelings on some of the pathetic offerings on the five channels.




Yesterday got underway with the usual diet of cookery programmes, as if these are ever in short supply.  Yes, we could gorge so easily on the multiple servings.

Saturday Kitchen
James Martin's Saturday Morning
John and Lisa's Christmas Kitchen (on the fucking 4th of January!)
Nadia's Family Feasts
Beautiful Baking With Juliet Sear
The Great Festive Bake Off 
Best Home Cook (with Mary Fucking Berry)
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA
Extreme Chocolate Makers

I am not sure if the last one counts, but what the fuck! Yes, the overload of food shite is obvious, especially as this was just for Saturday 4th January, and is for the main channels, not the specialist ones that obsess with one thing.  Sadly, food is the obsession for some this month, who are drawn in by the bollocks that is "Veganuary".  This is giving rise to dollops of pontification, and bias that is giving me a bad stomach ache.  First, let's get the other cooking stuff out of the way:

Mary Berry's Country House Secrets *
Saturday Kitchen Best Bites
Jamie and Jimmy's Friday Night Feast (With Mary Fucking Berry)
Come Dine With Me
Couples Come Dine With Me
MasterChef: The Professionals
The Best Dishes Ever
Gino's Italian Express
Food Unwrapped: New Year Health Secrets
* I don't know if this is food related or not, but she's involved.

Then we have some other food-related offerings, because clearly the nation is obsessed with anything that can be eaten.  There is a subtle and not so subtle theme this week, where programme schedulers have opted to give us double or triple helpings of various shows.  Food is included, as evidenced by Channel 5 and its triple on Sunday 5th.

Secrets Of The Kellogg's Factory
From Coco Pops To Weetabix: Britain's Favourite Cereal
The Wonderful World Of Chocolate
Yes, that's FOUR HOURS of a food-fix, that'll prompt you to sit on your sofa and gorge on anything you can get your teeth on.  Elsewhere, there are other food-related snacks.

Lose Weight And Get Fit With Tom Kerridge
The first of six programmes in which Tom and bore us rigid.

How To Lose Weight Well
The Pritikin diet, the protein-pacing diet, and the plant-based greenprint diet.  Yawn.

Eat Well For Less?
The horrendous and ubiquitous Gregg Wallace serves us more shit, explaining to a thick family that buying cheaper food will save them money.  This week, it's the turn of James and Rianna to learn this golden nugget, and help themselves and their two kids - Tallulah-Belle and Penelope (really?)  What the fuck!

Now over to the aforementioned bollocks that is Veganuary, arguably the worst ever made-up word.  Certainly less appealing than the all-month fuckathon which is Fucktober. 

Veganville - Tue 10:35pm BBC1
Five vegans head to Merthyr Tydfil on a mission to convert meat eaters.  Hardly an Enid Blyton plot, and their tactics are more 'animal rights activist' than 'pacifist plant eater'.

Meat The Family - Wed 9:00pm Channel 4
Families care for farm animals in their homes, and then have to decide whether to eat them or not.  Great concept, Channel 4.  Who commissioned this disastrous crap?

Apocalypse Cow: How Meat Killed The Planet - Wed 10:00pm Channel 4
Yes, hot on the heels of wondering whether to eat Babe or not, we are treated to another dose of animal related foodstuff.

Some of the other double and triple helpings feature all sorts of themes.  There is of course the daily dose from ITV of quizes, and the block-booking of three hours in the schedules.

3:00 Tenable
4:00 Tipping Point
5:00 The Chase

Channel 5 likes a more macabre theme for its double on Tuesday:

10:00 Murdered On My Honeymoon
11:05 Missing Or Murdered: The Disappearance Of Lee Boxell

We already had some boring digging and exploration in yesterday's Channel 5 triple:

7:05 Digging Up Britain's Past
8:00 Tony Robinson's History Of Britain
9:00 How The Victorians Built Britain

Ov aer on ITV yesterday, things were so much worse.  After a double dose of celebrity shit
(a good name for a show, surely?) we had three hours of singing-related shite before another celebrity serving.  Overall, six hours and twenty minutes of awfulness.

5:00 The Chase Celebrity Special
6:00 Celebrity Catchphrase
7:00 The Masked Singer
8:30 The Voice
10:05 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity Special

The ITV Sunday schedule brings together all the aforementioned components for a line-up that is truly horrendous.  Three hours of cooking, then after the news and weather, The Voice, The Masked Singer, Tipping Point, more news and weather, then The Chase Celebrity Special, Dancing On Ice, The Masked Singer and WWTBAM Celebrity Special again.  Basically 13 hours of re-runs and shit.

Elsewhere, some of the random programmes in the TV Guide bring little delight.  Channel 5 at least resisted the temptation of calling Britain's Loudest Snorers "The Great British Snore Off".  BBC2's listing for this afternoon is mildly confusing, as I wonder if they went together:

Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman With Paralympian Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson

Portillo is off and running (well, train catching) with the first of his fifteen editions of Great British Railway Journeys.  Yet another programme that forces use of the word "British".  Channel 5 has introduced its own option for railways, with a one-hour-and-fifty minute slog, World's Most Scenic Railway Journey: Minute By Minute.  Then, to really push the boat/train out, we have World's Most Luxurious Trains as well on Channel 5, and hour on Wednesday night.

There are a fair few holiday and home related listings, as below:
BBC2 - Get Away For Winter 
Channel 4 - Sun, Sea And Selling Houses
Channel 4 - A New Life In The Sun - Channel 4
Channel 4 - A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away
BBC1 - Escape To The Country
BBC1 - I Escaped To The Country
Channel 5 - Bargain-Loving Brits In The Sun
Channel 5 - The All-Inclusive: How Do They Do It?

I have seen the BBC2 programme The Baby Has Landed, but was totally unaware that Jonny Wilkinson had even drop-kicked it.

Wednesday night on BBC1 sees two crappy programmes; Eating With My Ex followed by My Mate's A Bad Date.  I am not even going to bother you with details of the content of either.

I am not going to bother watching Thursday night's Channel 5 programme at 11:05pm.  I'd watch Debbie Does Dallas, but somehow Eamonn & Ruth Do Monte Carlo holds no attraction at all.  Meanwhile, on Channel 4, there is some nudity in the line-up, with a triple offer:

10:00pm - Naked Attraction
11:00pm - Naked Beach
12:00 - Sun, Sea And Surgery

The last of these was mentioned gratuitously by me, as it piqued my interest.  Elsewhere, I have zero interest in the Channel 5 Secret Scotland With Susan Calman on Friday night.  The write-up confirms that she will take a "500-mile trip around the northernmost parts of Britain".  The Proclaimers spring to mind.

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Thursday 2 January 2020

2.1.20 Festive Times

As ever, I have completed by review of the TV Choice guide, regarding the excessive use of the word 'Festive', and the pages are again littered with the adjective.





This year, ITV stole the crown from Channel 4 as the most festive of the main five channels, and the word featured 103 times over the 21 days reviewed.  That's an average of 4.9, up from the previous record of 4.24.

The other thing to point out is that 76 uses of festive occurred from 14th to 25th December, and only 27 after Christmas Day.  Thus, there is a very clear decline in 'festivity' once Christmas kicked in - which is odd.

Happy New Year

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