1.3.21 DPD Driving Standards

BD67 XYU

This is the registration of the DPD van that was this evening (5.30pm) travelling at 80+ miles per hour on the A19, tailgating, trying to undertake, weaving/lane hopping and doing so in fog, with no lights on.  I am not sure there was much else the driver could have done to increase the basis for 'dangerous driving', other than be on the phone at the same time.  I had no chance to see if this was so.  Clearly the arsehole was hurrying back to the Billingham depot and gave not an ounce of shit if there were any consequences from the appalling 'driving'.  Not so much 'shameful' as cunting outrageous.

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26.2.21 What's On TV?

The egos that prevail on TV these days are numerous and annoying.  No longer can a TV programme have a title that simply gives an indication or hint of the content.  No - instead, it seems that the convention has changed to one where the cunt presenting the shite is entitled to have his or her name in the title.  This reinforces the desperation of 'personalities' (NOT 'celebrities') and their clamour for kudos and recognition.  I have avoided noting all the chat shows because the interviewer is of course the basis for the show, but in most other other circumstances, the inclusion of the person's name is either unnecessary or a farce.  Let's have a look at some programmes in the TV Guide.  All of these could be listed as per the orange part, with the person presenting simply being the one doing the job.

Rick Stein's Cornwall

Interior Design Masters With Alan Carr

James Martin's American Adventure

Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway

Sally Lindsay's Posh Sleepover

Jane McDonald: Cruising Scandinavia

Jane McDonald: Cruising Scotland

Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

Frankie Boyle's Tour Of Scotland

Darcy Bussell's Wild Coasts of Scotland

Himalaya With Michael Palin

Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable

Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish

Weird Or What? With William Shatner

Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild

Britain By Bike With Larry And George Lamb

Susan Calman's Grand Day Out In ...

Chris Packham's Animal Einsteins

Darcey Bussell: Looking For Margot

Love Your Weekend With Alan Titchmarsh

Cornwall And Devon Walks With Julia Bradbury

Bradley & Barney Walsh: Breaking Dad

Harry Redknapp's Sandbanks Summer

Joanna Lumley's Home Sweet Home: Travels In My Home Land

George Clarke's Old House, New Home

George Clarke's Build A New Life In The Country

George Clarke's Amazing Spaces

Ugly House To Lovely House With George Clarke

Richard Osman's House Of Games

RuPaul's Drag Race UK

Coastal Railways With Julie Walters

Kate Humble's Coastal Britain

Gregg Wallace's Fun Weekend

Gordon Ramsay's Bank Balance

Brian Johnson's A Life On The Road

Blitz Spirit With Lucy Worsley

Richard Hammond's BIG

Kirstie And Phil's Love It Or List It: Brilliant Builds

Extraordinary Escapes With Sandi Toksvig

Kevin McCloud's Escape To The Wild

Rachel Khoo's Simple Pleasures

John Torode's Australia

Jon Snow's Very Hard Questions

Madhur Jaffrey's Curry Nation

Emma Willis: Delivering Babies In 2020

Kirstie's Fill Your House For Free

Expedition With Steve Backshall

Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing

Rick Stein's French Odyssey

Dave Gorman: Terms And Conditions Apply

Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled

Iain Stirling's CelebAbility

Inside Culture With Mary Beard

The Martin Lewis Money Show Live

How To Keep A Healthy Weight With Michael Mosley

Raiders Of The Lost Past With Janina Ramirez

These are just some of the almost limitless supply of programmes where well-known and not-so-well-known people go walkabout.  Paul Merton, Michael Portillo, Chris Tarrant and so many more are annoying us.

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24.1.21 Earache at Stamford Bridge

A cold Sunday, with not much to do, but Chelsea v Luton is on BBC1 and so with a nice fire warming the room, I settle down to what should be an easy watch.  The 4th Round of the FA Cup was spoiled however, because of the earache I sustained for the full term of the game.

In the commentary box was Karen Carney, whose incessant jabbering was painful on my ears.  The need to talk was relentless, and the tone of her voice is suited not so  much to football commentary but to a torture technique that would make waterboarding a walk in the park, in comparison.

Her pronunciation of 'straight' [shtraight] was of minor concern and left me only mildly 'frushtraited' [as pronounced by KC].  I needed to listen to my Black & Decker sander for five minutes to ease my ears and cleanse myself of her awful pitch and annoying guff. 

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20.10.20 Shake Ur Body

On the way home from work this evening, I was listening to Radio 2 and was surprised to hear Anita Rani on at 7.00pm, in place of Jo Whiley.  I never thought I'd confirm pleasure at this turn of events, but the avoidance of Jo's gasping faux excitement was a real bonus.  Unfortunately the play list was not up to much though.

WTF?

Shake Ur Body, by Shy FX & T Power, featuring Dianna Joseph was the first song played, and it was dreadful...... fucking dreadful...... cunting dreadful.  There was not the slightest whiff of merit, the slightest hint of creativity, or the slightest snippet of talent in this awful noise.

Dire indeed.  The lyrics were/are as crap as the general sound.  Overall this is a terrible waste of time.

I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
Dance floor(x20)

I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
And the way you look is oh so fine
But there's a problem coz that isn't what you came for
You ain't gonna get away tonight
So I'm gonna be the one to step to you get you in the mood just dance all night
Don't let suspicion, inhibitions get the better of you coz you know the mood is right
Shake you body uptown stomp your feet and spin around
Let the rhythm take control as the beat is takin over your soul
Let the rhythm take control as the beat is takin over your soul

I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
I see ya standing on the…

28.9.20 Minutiae - No Small Thing

This morning's Today Programme on Radio 4 included an interview with someone called Adrian Wootton from the British Film Commission.  It was, and remains, of no interest to me or most people, but I mention it now because of two words he included.  In reviewing steps relating to risk and Covid-19, he said people had:

"Gone into the granular minutae"

I have purposely spelled the last word incorrectly, based on the pronunciation.  Aside from me wondering what the fuck it is (granular minutiae) I was baffled by it being said as though spelled:

min-u-thai

So this tautological bollocks, incorrectly presented, was so annoying I just had to note it.  The standard of English and care is not up to much these days, and my despair is topped up relentlessly.  The drop in standards is no small thing.

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28.9.20 Only Connect

The half-hour BBC2 quiz show, Only Connect, is most definitely the hardest quiz on TV, but it is also the hardest to watch.  This is due to Victoria Coren Mitchell being unwatchable, and yet trumping that quality by being totally unbearable to listen to.

Listen and cringe

It is simply the case that her attempts at humour are painful as fuck, and fail abysmally.  Her attempts at being smug and condescending are a complete success.  Likeability is not so much in short supply as non-existent.

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26.9.20 Women's Cricket On BBC2

What a painful afternoon it was, watching the cricket on BBC2, England v West Indies.  However, far more of a challenge than watching the game was the absolutely nauseating commentary, provided by nattering twats.

Chatterbox

Cricket commentary has forever been an important element of the game, and the 'understated' approach has always been expected.  Sadly the T20 game I have just witnessed has abandoned any sense of that - and I have had to endure the ramblings and inane shite spouted by Isa Guha.  The quality of the commentary was of marginal interest at most, but the delivery, quantity and relevance of the input from her and her fellow contributors was dire.

Alex Hartley joined in, with a nasal tone that bored me to death, almost, and Jenny Gunn was hardly much better.  There were a couple of blokes whose names I cannot recall (one was Matt) who could have been dispensed with as well.  Someone at the end-of-match review called Henry interviewed Heather Knight, the England Captain, and managed to comment on England's "strength in depth".  It's good to know that pointless jargon and cliches are transferable to the women's game.  Michael Vaughan made a few 'encouraging' comments at the very end.

Isa managed to orchestrate an assault on the ears during the game, and I have decided I cannot watch more women's cricket.  The game itself was a tame affair, 'lame' you might say.  The televising of the game was some sort of landmark, and everyone was making a lot of it.  After the game, Isa was bobbing around, as though she needed a pee, and at one point turned to Alex and asked -

"How crucial is it that .....blah blah?" - she of course lost me at 'How crucial' as such a concept or quantification is ludicrous.

A final comment from me is the new word in the world of cricket - "batter".  Clearly the women cannot follow the convention of the men's game, where the ones who hit the ball are referred to as "batsmen".  The women seem to reject "batswomen" so we have now to call a woman with a wooden thing in her hand a "batter".

Nothing against women of course - I married one!  But even Mrs MWSC was squirming in her chair wishing to a non-existent God that I'd turn over to anything at all.  It's a sad day when anything on ITV Be is better than what you are watching.

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