This morning's Today Programme on Radio 4 included an interview with someone called Adrian Wootton from the British Film Commission. It was, and remains, of no interest to me or most people, but I mention it now because of two words he included. In reviewing steps relating to risk and Covid-19, he said people had:
"Gone into the granular minutae"
I have purposely spelled the last word incorrectly, based on the pronunciation. Aside from me wondering what the fuck it is (granular minutiae) I was baffled by it being said as though spelled:
min-u-thai
So this tautological bollocks, incorrectly presented, was so annoying I just had to note it. The standard of English and care is not up to much these days, and my despair is topped up relentlessly. The drop in standards is no small thing.
...
Monday 28 September 2020
28.9.20 Only Connect
The half-hour BBC2 quiz show, Only Connect, is most definitely the hardest quiz on TV, but it is also the hardest to watch. This is due to Victoria Coren Mitchell being unwatchable, and yet trumping that quality by being totally unbearable to listen to.
It is simply the case that her attempts at humour are painful as fuck, and fail abysmally. Her attempts at being smug and condescending are a complete success. Likeability is not so much in short supply as non-existent.
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Listen and cringe
It is simply the case that her attempts at humour are painful as fuck, and fail abysmally. Her attempts at being smug and condescending are a complete success. Likeability is not so much in short supply as non-existent.
...
Saturday 26 September 2020
26.9.20 Women's Cricket On BBC2
What a painful afternoon it was, watching the cricket on BBC2, England v West Indies. However, far more of a challenge than watching the game was the absolutely nauseating commentary, provided by nattering twats.
Cricket commentary has forever been an important element of the game, and the 'understated' approach has always been expected. Sadly the T20 game I have just witnessed has abandoned any sense of that - and I have had to endure the ramblings and inane shite spouted by Isa Guha. The quality of the commentary was of marginal interest at most, but the delivery, quantity and relevance of the input from her and her fellow contributors was dire.
Alex Hartley joined in, with a nasal tone that bored me to death, almost, and Jenny Gunn was hardly much better. There were a couple of blokes whose names I cannot recall (one was Matt) who could have been dispensed with as well. Someone at the end-of-match review called Henry interviewed Heather Knight, the England Captain, and managed to comment on England's "strength in depth". It's good to know that pointless jargon and cliches are transferable to the women's game. Michael Vaughan made a few 'encouraging' comments at the very end.
Isa managed to orchestrate an assault on the ears during the game, and I have decided I cannot watch more women's cricket. The game itself was a tame affair, 'lame' you might say. The televising of the game was some sort of landmark, and everyone was making a lot of it. After the game, Isa was bobbing around, as though she needed a pee, and at one point turned to Alex and asked -
"How crucial is it that .....blah blah?" - she of course lost me at 'How crucial' as such a concept or quantification is ludicrous.
A final comment from me is the new word in the world of cricket - "batter". Clearly the women cannot follow the convention of the men's game, where the ones who hit the ball are referred to as "batsmen". The women seem to reject "batswomen" so we have now to call a woman with a wooden thing in her hand a "batter".
Nothing against women of course - I married one! But even Mrs MWSC was squirming in her chair wishing to a non-existent God that I'd turn over to anything at all. It's a sad day when anything on ITV Be is better than what you are watching.
...
Chatterbox
Cricket commentary has forever been an important element of the game, and the 'understated' approach has always been expected. Sadly the T20 game I have just witnessed has abandoned any sense of that - and I have had to endure the ramblings and inane shite spouted by Isa Guha. The quality of the commentary was of marginal interest at most, but the delivery, quantity and relevance of the input from her and her fellow contributors was dire.
Alex Hartley joined in, with a nasal tone that bored me to death, almost, and Jenny Gunn was hardly much better. There were a couple of blokes whose names I cannot recall (one was Matt) who could have been dispensed with as well. Someone at the end-of-match review called Henry interviewed Heather Knight, the England Captain, and managed to comment on England's "strength in depth". It's good to know that pointless jargon and cliches are transferable to the women's game. Michael Vaughan made a few 'encouraging' comments at the very end.
Isa managed to orchestrate an assault on the ears during the game, and I have decided I cannot watch more women's cricket. The game itself was a tame affair, 'lame' you might say. The televising of the game was some sort of landmark, and everyone was making a lot of it. After the game, Isa was bobbing around, as though she needed a pee, and at one point turned to Alex and asked -
"How crucial is it that .....blah blah?" - she of course lost me at 'How crucial' as such a concept or quantification is ludicrous.
A final comment from me is the new word in the world of cricket - "batter". Clearly the women cannot follow the convention of the men's game, where the ones who hit the ball are referred to as "batsmen". The women seem to reject "batswomen" so we have now to call a woman with a wooden thing in her hand a "batter".
Nothing against women of course - I married one! But even Mrs MWSC was squirming in her chair wishing to a non-existent God that I'd turn over to anything at all. It's a sad day when anything on ITV Be is better than what you are watching.
...
26.9.20 Are Your Sure, Sir? Sage Advice
No doubt in seeing the heading, you pronounced the third word with a "sh" sound. This is because that is exactly how the word is pronounced. However, there is a growing trend to allow an unchallenged spread of this approach so that the sound is rapidly replacing the normal way of speaking, I have little doubt that you pronounced 'Sir' rather differently - and correctly.
The advert for Sage.com on the television features an annoying bloke waffling on in a claimed poetic style, and in his monologue he hits us with 'Extraordinary', pronounced "Ek-shtraw-din-erry". For further annoying he injects "Shtrong" instead of 'Strong'. He is not alone, but he is the most annoying, as he has invaded my living room with his mispronunciation.
Your advert, Sage, is endorsing this bollocks, so you are culpable. Get it sorted, please.
Conshumer is another pet hate, and anyone who insists on this being correct is a cunt. The list of bastardised words is growing quickly though. Shtreet, shtupid, shtudent, dishtraction, and so many more.
...
The advert for Sage.com on the television features an annoying bloke waffling on in a claimed poetic style, and in his monologue he hits us with 'Extraordinary', pronounced "Ek-shtraw-din-erry". For further annoying he injects "Shtrong" instead of 'Strong'. He is not alone, but he is the most annoying, as he has invaded my living room with his mispronunciation.
Extraordinary! No Shit, Sherlock
Your advert, Sage, is endorsing this bollocks, so you are culpable. Get it sorted, please.
Conshumer is another pet hate, and anyone who insists on this being correct is a cunt. The list of bastardised words is growing quickly though. Shtreet, shtupid, shtudent, dishtraction, and so many more.
...
Saturday 19 September 2020
19.9.20 Television Schedule
Last week's TV was as terrible as ever, with repeats at a sickening level. Anyway, my general observations are as follows:
Saturday
Total Wipeout: Freddie & Paddy Takeover
This escapes being classified as a repeat, but it is; these two give a commentary on clips of past shows. What a weak basis for a TV programme.
Jonathan Ross' Comedy Club
Anything with Ross is a awful - he's a horrible smug person who is not funny.
Jack The Giant Slayer
I did not watch this Channel 5 film, and so will never know if Jack was a rather large slayer of things and people, or if he was normal size and managed to slay a giant. NB: The Sky Documentaries channel was showing Andre the Giant, at 7.20pm. Maybe he was a victim of Jack.
Gok Wan's Easy Asian
This is not a proper title for a programme - it's missing a word!
William Shatner's Weird Or What?
I have nothing to add.
Sunday
The Real Housewives Of Orange County
The ITV Be trash is woeful indeed. I have always considered that the programme tweak the words, to give The Orange Housewives Are Really Cunty.
Find It, Fix It, Flog It
This too could do with a tweak, with one more imperative - Fuck It.
Monday
The Dave channel has lost the fucking plot and weekdays seem to have been the victim of an executive's bit of fun. The evening line-ups have been saturated with contributions from the same person. The Monday 'game' was to overload us with Josh Widdicombe. He was on at:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
10:00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
Four appearances!
Tuesday
An appalling couple of food related offerings to note; here are the entries in my guide.
BBC1 8:00 Eat Well For Less? Two siblings call for backup to help their mum and dad, who've been surviving on sweet treats, snacks and takeaways after a stressful year dealing with bereavement and caring for an elderly relative. Gregg Wallace shows them how to make a satisfying meal from fresh ingredients without using ready made sauces, while Chris Bavin suggests healthy homemade alternatives to takeaways. Just study this shite for a moment. The basis for this programme is utter bollocks, and the uselessness of people to avoid eating crap is matched by the uselessness of the input from the presenters. Also, why the fuck don't the two siblings fucking sort it themselves?
Channel 4 8:00 Food Unwrapped: Store Cupboard Staples. Compilation of reports on store cupboard staples, including Kate Quilton taking a look at the secrets behind peanut butter's long shelf life, solving the mysteries of Marmite's famously divisive flavour, and discovering if it's safe to feed cats dog food and vice versa. Jimmy Doherty travels to Sri Lanka to discover why lentils are sold split rather than whole, and Matt Tebbutt witnesses anchovy fishing off the coast of Italy. Kate, get a fucking life and do something worthwhile. Jimmy, just fucking google it. Matt, was it abduction by the Mafia, and were you forced to witness this awful sight? Muppet!
Channel 4 10:00 100 Vaginas. Laura Dodsworth photographs and interviews 18 women, aged between 19 and 77, and asks them about how their vagina has shaped their lives. First, Laura needs to find something productive to do with her own cunting life. Second, I am left wondering if there is some sort of anti-Fibonacci Sequence going on (4,10,100,18,19,77). Third, what the fuck is this link of lives being shaped by cunts? Fourth, the grammar is wanting at the end, with muddled singular/plural approaches (rectified by changing 'vagina has' to 'vaginas have').
Dave chose Nish Kumar for Tuesday's overdose, with his (six) appearances, on:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Live At The Apollo
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
12:20 Mock The Week
Wednesday
Dave opted for six doses of Lou Sanders, with these components:
6:00 Taskmaster
8:00 Taskmaster
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
12:40 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled
Thursday
It was the turn of Phil Wang - here we go with his six:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Live At The Apollo
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
11:40 Have I Got A Bit More News For You
Friday
Secret Scotland With Susan Calman
Sadly Susan has decided that instead of keeping things secret and herself off our screens, she has set off to give us 10 helpings of her annoying input. Having wrecked the last series of Great British Menu she is dabbling with her own heritage and geography now. One to avoid,
Dave pulled out all the stops and lined up SEVEN contributions featuring Sara Pascoe, she of very dubious humour, to wreck the Friday evening viewing:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 QI XL
9:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
9:40 Hypothetical
10:40 Live At The Apollo
11:40 Live At The Apollo: Christmas Special *
* It's cunting September!
...
Saturday
Total Wipeout: Freddie & Paddy Takeover
This escapes being classified as a repeat, but it is; these two give a commentary on clips of past shows. What a weak basis for a TV programme.
Jonathan Ross' Comedy Club
Anything with Ross is a awful - he's a horrible smug person who is not funny.
Jack The Giant Slayer
I did not watch this Channel 5 film, and so will never know if Jack was a rather large slayer of things and people, or if he was normal size and managed to slay a giant. NB: The Sky Documentaries channel was showing Andre the Giant, at 7.20pm. Maybe he was a victim of Jack.
Gok Wan's Easy Asian
This is not a proper title for a programme - it's missing a word!
William Shatner's Weird Or What?
I have nothing to add.
Sunday
The Real Housewives Of Orange County
The ITV Be trash is woeful indeed. I have always considered that the programme tweak the words, to give The Orange Housewives Are Really Cunty.
Find It, Fix It, Flog It
This too could do with a tweak, with one more imperative - Fuck It.
Monday
The Dave channel has lost the fucking plot and weekdays seem to have been the victim of an executive's bit of fun. The evening line-ups have been saturated with contributions from the same person. The Monday 'game' was to overload us with Josh Widdicombe. He was on at:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
10:00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
Four appearances!
Tuesday
An appalling couple of food related offerings to note; here are the entries in my guide.
BBC1 8:00 Eat Well For Less? Two siblings call for backup to help their mum and dad, who've been surviving on sweet treats, snacks and takeaways after a stressful year dealing with bereavement and caring for an elderly relative. Gregg Wallace shows them how to make a satisfying meal from fresh ingredients without using ready made sauces, while Chris Bavin suggests healthy homemade alternatives to takeaways. Just study this shite for a moment. The basis for this programme is utter bollocks, and the uselessness of people to avoid eating crap is matched by the uselessness of the input from the presenters. Also, why the fuck don't the two siblings fucking sort it themselves?
Channel 4 8:00 Food Unwrapped: Store Cupboard Staples. Compilation of reports on store cupboard staples, including Kate Quilton taking a look at the secrets behind peanut butter's long shelf life, solving the mysteries of Marmite's famously divisive flavour, and discovering if it's safe to feed cats dog food and vice versa. Jimmy Doherty travels to Sri Lanka to discover why lentils are sold split rather than whole, and Matt Tebbutt witnesses anchovy fishing off the coast of Italy. Kate, get a fucking life and do something worthwhile. Jimmy, just fucking google it. Matt, was it abduction by the Mafia, and were you forced to witness this awful sight? Muppet!
Channel 4 10:00 100 Vaginas. Laura Dodsworth photographs and interviews 18 women, aged between 19 and 77, and asks them about how their vagina has shaped their lives. First, Laura needs to find something productive to do with her own cunting life. Second, I am left wondering if there is some sort of anti-Fibonacci Sequence going on (4,10,100,18,19,77). Third, what the fuck is this link of lives being shaped by cunts? Fourth, the grammar is wanting at the end, with muddled singular/plural approaches (rectified by changing 'vagina has' to 'vaginas have').
Dave chose Nish Kumar for Tuesday's overdose, with his (six) appearances, on:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Live At The Apollo
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
12:20 Mock The Week
Wednesday
Dave opted for six doses of Lou Sanders, with these components:
6:00 Taskmaster
8:00 Taskmaster
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
12:40 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled
Thursday
It was the turn of Phil Wang - here we go with his six:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Live At The Apollo
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
11:40 Have I Got A Bit More News For You
Friday
Secret Scotland With Susan Calman
Sadly Susan has decided that instead of keeping things secret and herself off our screens, she has set off to give us 10 helpings of her annoying input. Having wrecked the last series of Great British Menu she is dabbling with her own heritage and geography now. One to avoid,
Dave pulled out all the stops and lined up SEVEN contributions featuring Sara Pascoe, she of very dubious humour, to wreck the Friday evening viewing:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 QI XL
9:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
9:40 Hypothetical
10:40 Live At The Apollo
11:40 Live At The Apollo: Christmas Special *
* It's cunting September!
...
Wednesday 9 September 2020
9.9.20 Jo Whiley Gasps
My drive home from work allows me the option of encountering a Jo Whiley offering on Radio 2, if I want it. I have to report I have come to the conclusion that irritations have removed the chance of listening to Radio 2 music from 7.02pm.
I cannot fathom the presenting style adopted by JW, which involves a gasp between almost every utterance. The sharp intakes of breath are completely unnecessary. I believe she feels there is some sort of excitement about her material and the eagerness of listeners to receive the gushing shite over the airwaves. I have experienced zero 'excitement', zero 'intrigue' and total annoyance. Can someone at the BBC tell her that she is not a reporter bringing urgent news to the masses, from a burning building. The false urgency in the delivery of twaddle is ludicrous, and the desperation to deliver the details of what she will be playing, what's going on in her world, and why everything matters (when it doesn't) is perverse.
Take a deep breath, JW, and simply talk properly and steadily ...... please!
...
JW - Artificially short of breath, Mon-Fri
I cannot fathom the presenting style adopted by JW, which involves a gasp between almost every utterance. The sharp intakes of breath are completely unnecessary. I believe she feels there is some sort of excitement about her material and the eagerness of listeners to receive the gushing shite over the airwaves. I have experienced zero 'excitement', zero 'intrigue' and total annoyance. Can someone at the BBC tell her that she is not a reporter bringing urgent news to the masses, from a burning building. The false urgency in the delivery of twaddle is ludicrous, and the desperation to deliver the details of what she will be playing, what's going on in her world, and why everything matters (when it doesn't) is perverse.
Take a deep breath, JW, and simply talk properly and steadily ...... please!
...
Tuesday 8 September 2020
8.9.20 Dismal Driver Of The Day
This morning I witnessed a most obvious and blatant case of dangerous driving. Three lanes turning into two (the fast lane ending/merging left) is not a place for a twat to overtake and play chicken in a diminishing space.
At approximately 85mph, the small car drove alongside a BMW as the fast lane ended. I was behind, having pulled in to the middle lane as there was no way to get past the BMW before running out of road. I witnessed the lunatic dicing with death, about a foot from the BMW and a foot from the central barrier as it squeezed past. Absolutely mad.
At the roundabout with lights, a mile on, the car queued and I clocked the woman driver, and wondered what possessed her to risk her life and the lives of others. Stupid cunt.
...
YD06 AEB
At approximately 85mph, the small car drove alongside a BMW as the fast lane ended. I was behind, having pulled in to the middle lane as there was no way to get past the BMW before running out of road. I witnessed the lunatic dicing with death, about a foot from the BMW and a foot from the central barrier as it squeezed past. Absolutely mad.
At the roundabout with lights, a mile on, the car queued and I clocked the woman driver, and wondered what possessed her to risk her life and the lives of others. Stupid cunt.
...
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