9.1.14 Size Matters

It is a fallacy to say that size doesn't matter.  Don't start making your own jokes about fallacy having anything to do with 'phallus', as I am talking about the size of products, and the pathetic games played by manufacturers and retailers to con us.  This is nothing new, but my recent purchase of some liquid for my washing machine highlighted the ludicrous approach now adopted, both by the manufacturers and by Asda,

For a long time, the washing liquids have come in small containers that show 18 washes, and the next size up confirmed 28 washes.  I was thus annoyed to find on display a supposedly fantastic offer in Asda last week for Surf, in a bottle that would manage 25 washes.  What happened to the other three, you cunts?  A check on the reverse of a plastic container revealed contents at 875ml.  Since when did this become any sort of standard fucking measurement?

Alongside this £3 'offer' was a smaller Ariel container, offering 16 washes on the front - so only two stolen by Procter & Gamble.  Obviously the internationally recognised dispensing quantity is 592ml - why would you even deign to question that?

To the right, at floor level, were 1000ml bottles of Daz for £2.00.  This beat all other options, and I was pleased to have a simpler approach; 20 washes for £2.00.  Even a cunt could work out 10p per wash.  I picked up two and moved on.  I doubted that the claimed reduction from £4 per bottle was true but it did not matter - yet.

Ten minutes later, in an aisle far, far away, I came across 1900ml bottles of Daz on sale for £4.00, apparently as standard and so not 'reduced' in any way. 38 washes for £4 was not as good as what I'd put in my trolley, but I was annoyed at Proctor & Gamble for a second time.  These arseholes are fucking us all over.  How can 1900ml be available at £4 yet the 1000ml bottles allegedly be down from £4 to £2.  The truth is, it was on offer, but no signage suggested this.  However, what possible fucking logic is there in opting for 1900ml and 38 washes instead of 2000ml and 40 washes?


Playing The Percentages

It doesn't stop there, in the muddled world of Proctor & Gamble, because the company likes to play the percentages.  In fact, it likes to play around with percentages to confuse - but more importantly, suggest a superb result without actually promising anything at all.

Take Head & Shoulders.  The television advert states: "Up to 100% flake-free" as a result of using the product.  But what does that actually mean? Well, anything UP TO 100% flake free, so possibly 1%.

Oral-B is another P&G brand that is pushed our way on TV.  "Better plaque removal by up to 100%" means completely fuck all!

TMWSC can be up to 100% helpful.  I can be, sure, but I can also be a cunt and thus of zero % help to anyone.

UP TO is a useless claim/promise/statement.

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