You and Yours - BBC Radio
There is fat too much shit spoken these days. I am not talking just about the content (which is often drivel) but about the language and grammar used to relay things. A radio programme this week involved a discussion about how gambling is bad for society, with particular focus on fixed odds betting terminals in our high street bookmakers. I heard some absolute bollocks from someone called Dirk Vennix, who's the CEO of the Association of British Bookmakers. He waffled about how the industry was better than it actually is (he was convincing no one, and certainly not me) and talked about helping people to "bet safely and responsibly". What the fuck? How does one bet safely, then?
Then we had Professor David Forrest brought into the discussion by Winifred Robinson. He might be a professor, but that does not mean he ever got anywhere in his studies of the English language. Not only is he one of those annoying people who pronounces "appreciate" with an 's' sound for the 'c' instead of using a 'sh', but he went one worse - a whole fucking fucked up lot worse - with the pretentious, pompous and pathetic pronunciation of 'ratio', electing to say it as "ray-see-oh". Dioabolical! I think the BBC should ration [that's "ra-see-on"] his participation in future, perhaps to once a decade, probably pronounced with the fucking stress on the second syllable. The Professor has no grasp, we've established, of how to talk properly, and it was instantly apparent to me that his grasp of maths was poor. He stated that: "one in six is a very worrying ray-see-oh" demonstrating he has no idea of the difference between a ration and a proportion. 1 in 6 could be portrayed instead as 16.67% or as a ratio of 1:5. Pathetic, really. I suspect I am more professorial!
Winifred was not immune from talking shit. "The number of shops have increased" she spouted; have it, indeed! Her singular and plural dilemmas included a weird and not-so-wonderful word she created: "Surely a problem gambler won't exclude themself" was the woeful utterance.
Other
The latest fad is the pathetic attempt to sound cool by starting every sentence/paragraph/answer with the word 'So,'. These two letters, followed by a comma, should NOT be the prefix for everything said. I heard Steve Webb (the LibDem Pensions Minister) start four of his five answers during an interview on Radio 4 with "So, blah blah blah." Nob. A few weeks ago, on Melvyn Bragg's In Our Time programme, there was a group of supposedly highly educated people talking about the cosmos, and the "So, blah blah blah" approach was prevalent. Poor show, literally! I am expecting will.i.am to promote this style when he returns (sadly) to our screens from tomorrow, in The Voice on BBC1.
Andy Townsend
He was at it again last week, extending his "picking" analogy during commentary of a football match. Not content with telling us how a player has his pocket picked (passive) or how a player picked his pocket (active) we were treated to a variation. His new phrase related to how Spurs were being patient while trying to score against Arsenal, and referred to Spurs "picking the lock". Go and pick your nose, Andy.
Grenoble
I wish Michael Schumacher well. I was annoyed when I heard the news for the first time when the news reader decided to opt for the French pronunciation [Grenoblo] when explaining about the accident. We are in the UK listening to the news in English, and in English we say Grenoble as if (unsurprisingly) it rhymes with 'noble'. The cunts will be saying 'Pa-ree' next instead of 'Paris'.
Kind Of
It is most certainly NOT "kind of" anyone to keep using this phrase in a totally inappropriate way. I have just used it in a sensible way, unlike Jonathan Ross, who "kinda" says things in a "kinda" stupid way that "kinda" makes little sense, and shows him to be a "kinda" fuckwitt. He's not alone, of course - there are fuckwitts everywhere, kind of.
Via
Say the word "viaduct" to yourself. Three syllables - very easy, eh? Right, now say the first two syllables in the way you'd read them if saying: "He went to work via Acacia Avenue." If these two syllables sounded the same as the first two in "viaduct" then well done, you are normal and correct. If they did not [because you decided on the pathetic "vee-a", then your simply a complete fucking twat.
[ gambleaware.co.uk ] bet responsibly, but better still just don't
[ grammaraware.co.uk ] be fucking aware and get it right
[ kindofaware.co.uk ] for the vague amongst you
[ cuntaware ] try not to be a cunt too often
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