First came The Voice, a supposedly revolutionary approach to finding a singer via a talent show. The revolutionary element (quite literally) was a set of spinning chairs. Once the 'turning' shit was over, the substance of the competition involved us all being bored to fuck - the lightweight content in fact gave little substance to The Voice. After numerous weeks of shite, I was more interested in the specific gravity of balsa wood being 0.2 than whether Leanne Mitchell was a winner in 2012 or Andrea Begley deserved to win last year. Neither has proved of interest to those who bother to buy music. The next series starts in three days - heaven help us.
The BBC and anyone hoping to persuade (con) us that The Voice is anything but tiresome will struggle, considering the results of the first two series. Any claim that "it's all about the voice" is clearly rubbish. It's not all about the voice, otherwise Robbie Williams would never have got anywhere!
We now find ourselves cajoled into having to consider The Taste. Apparently "it's all about the taste" now. Nigella Lawson has left the courtroom behind, and swanned into a kitchen environment to "do her stuff". No, that's not (to my knowledge) any euphemism. I am instead referring to the preening, looking smug and self-satisfied, prancing, flirting and generally trying to be wonderful. Sadly, though, I cannot actually look at the woman. I always struggled with the oh-so-fucking-perfect life she presented us with on TV, so when the recent court fiasco brought to us all a rather different view of her life, I was strangely satisfied that my gut feel was still managing to work. I can't be alone, because the viewing figures for the first episode of The Taste show only 1.8million watched it - 7.5% of the total viewers. That will prove to be the high point, and future figures will be lower.
How about The Smell, as the next big thing? That sounds about up Channel 4's street.
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