Yes, it's here again, the bleak landscape has returned courtesy of Christine Bleakley and Ashley Roberts. This pair provides us with every reason to consider Dignitas as a sensible option. It's at least comforting to know that with this being the last series, neither will be grating on me. Sadly though, ITV will find something else to do with Bleakley; as for Ashley, isn't America calling?
Doolally Dire
Hayley kicked off with "such a great way to start the show" - whatever that counts for or means. Ashley then mentioned "so much fun" on multiple occasions, and how we all smiled.
Bleakley said something in Irish or Dragon, or was it perhaps Wide Mouth Frog. Whatever the language, I understood none of it. Gareth Gates did okay (especially having not skated for 6 years) but I have no idea what substance Ashley took during the performance, leading her to say: "The beginning and end was fully emoted."
Bonnie Langford, Ray Quinn and Jorgie Porter all tootled around and apparently (based on the many uses of the phrase) had "great flow over the ice".
Why Joe Pasquale was brought back for the last series is anyone's guess. The shit he dealt us was 'marked' by the judges with three at 5.5 and Jason gave a 7.0. Ashley: "You were hitting that ography in the middle." What is this woman on?
Kyran Bracken: "To be asked back to go on the same journey is really exciting." An instant fail for using the 'j' word on the VT. The marks were fucked up - 8,8,7 and 6.5 from Jason. So, Pasquale gets a 7 from Jason . . . ??? WTF? Karen told this to Jason and a spat kicked off.
Kyran Bracken 29.5
Ray Quinn 29.5
Jorgie Porter 29.0
Bonnie Langford 27.5
Hayley Tammadon 25.5
Joe Pasquale 23.5
Gareth Gates 22.0
In summary, I should say that this is more DOA than DOI. The 45 minute gap in proceedings was to allow for voting, and the awful Vernon Kay was forced upon us for . . . . .
Family Fortunes Shit On Sunday
The ubiquitous Kimberley Walsh was present, to pout, gurn and repeatedly use her tongue to clean and moisturise her teeth. Wayne Sleep was raising money for a charity that I struggled to sympathise with. People wanting to study at musical theatre colleges are given assistance for board and accommodation if they can't afford the living costs in that location. Sorry, mate, but paying a gas bill and subsidising takeaway food while someone learns to tap dance is NOT a real charity.
At one stage, Kimberley laughed, and put her hand over her mouth - instant improvement.
DOI - Part Two
Jorgie going home? Bonnie was infinitely better than Joe Pasquale, so no surprise that he was ejected - he was only ever present to make up the numbers and be sent home. However, there was clearly no expectation that Jorgie Porter would be off. Mathematically this result can only have come about if Jorgie Porter was bottom of the public vote, and Gareth Gates was in the top three; sorry, not sure I believe that! Do I give a shit? No.
Oh dear, there are nine more weeks of this bollocks!
...
No comments:
Post a Comment