12.1.14 Ashley Roberts On Ice - Disgusting Result

When she was in the jungle, she was fine.  Ever since, I have struggled on sight (and ear) to cope with the inane drivel she spouts.  The DOI / DOA participation is as frustrating as anything I could dream up.

Tonight's DOI vehicle for ejecting Todd Carty was kicked off by Beth Tweddle (28.5 pts), who told us: "Performance doesn't come natural to me." Neither, it seems, does the ability to speak properly, and use an adverb.  She danced/skated/bored to Roar by Katy Perry.

Ashley waffled on about "sass" before stating: "What a way to start the show; you killed it tonight."  Shame she didn't aim in your direction, Ashley.

David Seaman (22.5 pts) came next (not literally) with his wife, Frankie.  I rather wish everyone associated with DOI could get over the fact that they are together.  Feeble subject matter for anything other than a mention in passing. Ashley enlightened us after the performance:

"I wanted you to have fun.  Blah, blah, blah . . . "

Gary Lucy arrived (24 pts) to be called "dull" by Jason.  Ashley helped us all out with her enlightened  shite that included "have fun and enjoy it" although I have no idea on the lead up to her finding relevance in saying this.

Zaraah skated well (30.5 pts) and after the performance, Ashley told us:

"I'm expecting a lot of sass from you."  I must remember to check the stock market and see what the going rate is for the commodity referred to as 'sass'.

Sam (30 pts) was next, and received words of wisdom from Ms Roberts:

"You had so much fun; there was a few little bitty mistakes but you had fun."  So, unable to talk sense both in terms of content AND grammar!

Todd (16.5 pts) was absolutely shit, moving to a shit song.  Ashley told him, "You sold it the best way you could."  This time, Jason trumped her with the best line of the night:

"I have to ask - why are you here?"

Amusement was provided by Robin, who followed that up with: "The skating speaks for itself."  Yes, 'DIRE'.

Finally Suzanne Shaw (35.5 pts) showed us how to skate.  I know this because Ashley helped me out with:

"Yes, it was emotive, sultry, grounded.  That is what it's all about."

Results Show

I'd accidentally caught the beginning of All Star Family Fortunes, after the performance part of DOI had finished.  I left the room, but not before hearing the voice-over that said the immortal, laughable and inaccurate line:

"He's licensed to thrill - it's Vernon Kay."

Back to DOI and the results.  Ashley reminded us how Suzanne "killed it" and I had to confess to Mrs MWSC that I'd not actually seen the machete she carried while skating, let along the elephant gun.

BLEAKNESS: "We'll find eight who's safe and who's going after the break."

Disgust On Ice

WTF?  Todd was saved!  This bollocks of a voting system means travesty prevails.  David Seaman and Frankie had to leave immediately, and that was no great surprise.  The injustice was that Sam and Gary had to be in the skate off.

I understand that despite previous regimes, and my blog post last week, the results are 100% determined by the public vote.  That means the Ice Panel might as well fuck off, or at least not bother until the cunts at home with the inclination to vote have had their say.  The British public is a collective cunt for voting for Todd.

Sam got through, Gary left, and Todd has wasted (and sadly will continue to waste) a percentage of my life.

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