Tuesday, 21 January 2014

21.1.14 The Car In Front


The car in front is not, in my opinion, the real problem - well, most of the time anyway.  No, the car in front (when you catch it up) is simply there, and a mild nuisance if it's not moving very fast.  The thing is, even if it is happy to piss about slowly and prevent any possibility of speedier progress, it was there first. So, on that basis, it has the benefit of the doubt.

The car in front is only a problem if it was previously the car from the left or the car from the right.  I will explain what I mean.




The Car From The Left

When a car is waiting to pull out from a side road, or is hoping to join the main road at a roundabout, usually without slowing, let alone stopping, then the driver is duty-bound to make sure he/she hits the accelerator, and does NOT slow me down.  I have no objection to anyone pulling out if this policy is adopted.  However, when a fucker sees me, but pulls out anyway, without trying to match my speed asap, then he/she is a cunt.

The Car From The Right

This is a potentially disastrous situation - if the car from the right gets on to the roundabout first, and I cannot nip in front, then I will have to slow and possibly stop.  I am then forced to endure the long/slow build-up as the vehicle gathers speeds (or doesn't!).  I will then spend the next few minutes annoyed that for the sake of three seconds, I've been trapped behind a pain-in-the-arse for no good reason.

As a consequence, cunts from the right force actions in others that risks those others becoming, by default, a cunt from the left.  Only once someone has adopted the role of 'cunt from the left' can the driver behind establish whether indeed that name is appropriate.  If the 'cunt from the left-elect' becomes a 'cunt from the left' because the speed of the car behind is not matched quickly enough, then the car behind will have the moral high ground.  If the car behind is in fact a slow cunt, and the car pulling out from the left is fast, then the 'cunt from the left-elect' will automatically relinquish any claim to be a cunt, and will become the car in front.  As the car in front, it is not a problem because it got there first.

When the 'car from the right' gets on to a roundabout first so that it prevents another car from moving forward, a car that otherwise would have been faster and would have adopted the 'car on front' mode, causing no problem for anyone, then that 'car from the right' is a cunt.  The car behind can't possibly know whether the 'car from the right' is a cunt until a few second later.  For those few seconds, the 'car from the right' is a 'cunt-elect'.  He will either speed up and be a 'non-cunt', (save for the fact that he was a temporary cunt for causing the slow or stop) or dither, and be a 'proper cunt'.

Today

Today I had the displeasure of encountering a 'cunt from the right'.  Initially, the Mitsubishi Shogun Warrior was a 'car from the right' (even though it was a cuntin 4x4 rather than a 'car') but it got on to the roundabout just in time to make me stop, and it then dithered, proving itself to be a cunt.  I followed the cunt in front until it reached a flatbed lorry travelling slowly along the bypass. The cunt became a cuntish cunt by not only refusing to overtake, but by preventing me from overtaking the joint obstacle.  The misnamed vehicle [for I've seem more fighting spirit in an arthritic, disabled pensioner than in this 'Warrior'] kept me behind it while travelling at 38mph on the excellent road that was a 'National Speed Limit' one.  If the cunt hadn't been a cunt, I'd have got on to the roundabout first, and would so easily have passed the lorry. Unfortunately when the lorry turned right, the speed limit dropped to 30mph (in which Genghis Fucking Khan did 38mph!) and at the next lights (on red) we came upon another lorry, which turned out to travel at 38 - 40mph.


If you've followed all of that, you're a clever cunt.

Just for general interest, I thought I'd add a helpful image to end this rant.





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