If enough people fuck something up, the fucked-up version becomes the norm, and the proper version becomes 'wrong'. However, before it becomes 'wrong' it lives in purgatory for absolutely ages, and people who hanker after it retaining its rightful status (of being correct) are castigated for being pedants and perfectionists. The English language is abused to fuck by two types of people.
1) Thick Cunts
2) Trend Setters
The thick cunts are people who often paid no attention at school, or have parents who grunted at them (when not farting or drinking) in their early years. The consequence was that they never learned the basics. They litter the country now, spreading their ignorance, and attacking anyone who dares to point out how they might improve their skills. The country is thus swamped with extra apostrophes, particularly to make things possessive when there's no need, and most particularly to write it's when it should be its. As for trying to get across the difference between infer and imply, well, a pointless exercise 49 times out of 50. People in the media, and especially those who write, are doing even more damage if they are in the first category. This is because their written efforts constitute to others in that same category (or to floaters) a confirmation of correctness - on the basis that it wouldn't be printed if there was a mistake.
The second category contains a few people who want to create new ways of using words, and (often for the sake of it) make up short cuts or introduce new slang, trying to be cool. However, many of the people who like to think of themselves as 'Category 2' are in fact most often already VIP members of 'Category 1'. The excuse for getting something wrong is that it was done on purpose, and it's the 'new way' or 'acceptable now'. The "It's accepted now" bollocks is a widely used phrase to excuse Category 1 offenders (thick cunts, if you've lost the plot) and allow them to wallow in their ineptitude. Teachers even condone such an approach. Apparently you can pass any exam now, even if your English sucks to fuck. The argument is simply that to get an 'A' in History, you don't have to be literate. That's a good approach to education, don't you think? In fact, even in fucking English exams, if you "get your meaning across", then some cuntin' Category 1 examiner is probably itching to award a pass and probably a grade 'A'. I believe that Will.i.am thinks he is in Category 2, and I noticed in last week's The Voice his use of the term [I cannot use 'word' for obvious reasons] "Prolly" instead of "Probably". I was under the impression that the diabolical "Probaly" was as bad as things could get, with Category 1 arseholes making it pissing ubiquitous. But no, along come the Category 2 twats, and they shorten the fucking word again!
On Radio 4 yesterday morning, on the Today programme, I suffered the ramblings of Sarah Montague, who dabbled with membership of Category 1 for a fair while.
"The British Library are interested in hearing from you."
" . . for somebody who's got something, that thinks it might be . . ."
"'Rupert Murdoch is not a fit person to run an international company', so say a committee of MPs"
Charles Clarke came on the programme, and managed to enlighten us all with:
"There were a large range of issues . . ."
Sarah conducted a debate (well, an inconclusive spat between two guests which went nowhere, and which was ended before either party had achieved anything because she had to 'move on' to some other less important news) on trials of GM crops. One of the guests told us:
"We attract in parasitic wasp which attack the aphid."
Oh, where to start? Attract in? Attract is okay on its own, or say bring in, but get it right, please! I know for cuntin' sure that the plural of wasp is wasps. Ordinarily, I'd forgive the use of aphid on the basis that the speaker was meaning it in general terms. However, in light of his clear membership of an aforementioned category, I reckon he should have simply used the plural which is fucking aphids, especially as I suspect there's more than one of the cunts to be got rid of (or will that one day in the UK be "gotten rid of" when American English [what an oxymoron!] prevails?).
Minutes later I heard "snuck" instead of "sneaked" and after a quick check, realised that I was not in fucking Wyoming (I was near Wetherby, actually) and that already the American invasion was in full swing. What with Category 1 usage of "Dove" instead of "Dived", I fear for the linguistic health of the nation. Where once upon a time globalisation was linked with the prevalence and adoption of English, it is in fact now the American English that's winning. I will hold out till the day I die, and onto is not a word, it's on to.
James Knockerty did a piece on the sinking of the Belgrano, and fantastically said in the preamble to a guest's input: "We don't want to get into argy bargy about it." Brilliant.
Later in the day, Martha Kearney came out with: "The IMF are impressed because . . ."
I switched over to some music, and left all Category 1 and Category 2 members to self destruct.
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