This pointless and pathetic excuse for entertainment is upon us again. Sadly the demise of this awful programme was short lived, and I despise Channel 5 for resuscitating this corpse. Instead, we are forced to become aware of who is in this "celebrity" version. I use that word in the loosest possible sense, of course.
Frankie Dettori - this is the jockey who has recently been noteworthy for reasons other than riding a horse. He got a six-month ban from racing for drug taking. Let's all celebrate that then, shall we?
Sam Robertson - where have I been for the last 27 years? This is the length of time Sam has been breathing and the length of time that I've been ignorant of his existence. E4 and Beaver Falls are apparently relevant.
Ryan Moloney - an actor from Neighbours, apparently. Never heard of him.
Paula Hamilton - this is the model who was once in a VW commercial decades ago, and who recently lost her front teeth in an accident. In the Sun newspaper, she's described as a 'Supermodel'. Er, no, sorry, she was never a supermodel, and most certainly is not one now!
Tricia Penrose - so, after doing nothing since Heartbeat finished, she's wangled a slot in the House, eh? Sorry, but 'old news' springs to mind. Who else might feature under the "where are they now?" prompt.
Gillian Taylforth - there you go! Here she is now, after convincing someone to deem her still a celebrity, and worthy of space in this line-up. Old news.
Neil "Razor" Ruddock - once a football player who went on to . . . . well . . . . appear on I'm A Celebrity (despite not being one) and who now fills in for Jim Davidson. Most certainly NOT a 'celebrity' under any definition.
Lacey Banghard - no, this is not a made up name. She's the glamour model who'll be ogled by male viewers (I think that's the plan) who might like her 26GG boobs. There's room here, surely, for a joke about Franki Dettori riding GGs, don't you think? Katie Price has stated Lacey is "thick as shit". Well, Katie, you've shown yourself to be as foul as ever, and totally unladylike - everything that an astutue observer would conclude, along with the further view that you're bitchy and ugly in all ways.
Claire Richards - this is the Steps woman who's suffered from eating disorders and depression, so after we heard all about her struggles, she's being 'celebrated' for that, and is she's a celebrity on this show now.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - me neither. Apparently The Hills is a US reality TV show, and they're on it. Oh, so famous for that makes them qualify for this? I get it now. Bollocks.
Rylan Clark - well, I suppose he's actually the most qualified person for this fiasco, believe it or not. A recently created 'celebrity' who fits with the whole genre of Big Brother, and somehow manages to entertain.
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