Who's have thought that in week one, Keith Chegwin would have got the benefit from Pamela Anderson's tits? Despite the brave face of ITV execs, it was so clearly a calamity for their investment in Pamela [a fortune by all accounts, what with her fee, hotel costs and flights etc] to result in being voted off in the first week.
This Week
I was hoping for some more good quotes, and some moves that might surpass the 'Tweddle Tip'. Ms Bleakley introduced us to the judges with:
"It's time to meet four people who are always looking out for any cracks on the ice." I'll second that objective!
Gareth Thomas was okay, if rather steady and boring, so I've nothing of interest to say. However, Lauren Goodger was next up and received the wonderful summary after her wooden efforts on the ice, from Tony Gubba, who said:
"She started and ended the routine flat on her back." I wondered if this was a new phenomenon for her and quickly discounted that notion completely. He then followed up with another quote in his round-up: "There was the embrace lift; this time they didn't go down on the ice." I wondered how I'd managed to miss 'last time' if the performance included hanky panky!
The best comment came from Jason: "The beginning had all the sensuality of a walrus on the ice."
Joe Pasquale managed to totter round the ice and rely totally on his comedic value and not at all on any skating ability. Ashley Roberts embarrassed herself by giving the ludicrously high score of 5 points and mentioning the usual 'having fun' shit. Tony Gubba was unable to outdo Karen Barber, whose comment was wonderfully accurate: "There's no natural ability whatsoever."
Oona King managed to do okay although was the subject of the programme's greatest lie, delivered by Jason: "You have a great face."
Ashley managed to mention yet again 'having fun' and throw in the word 'sassy' because it's part of her very limited repertoire.
After some pathetic input from Bleakness regarding pointless tweets, we moved on to Luke Campbell. Luke was ticking the box of 'compulsory Olympian included in the programme'. Sadly, he felt the need at the very beginning of his skating routine to have a little shadow box. Equally as sad was Karen's need to say "You came out fighting" in her summary. Still, Luke got his own quote in with: "This is the first time I've performed without getting punched in the face."
Finally we had Anthea Turner. She was not too bad, although avoided having to do too much skating herself, and she tried to get away with the performance side only. What I am struggling with is that she is most definitely not a person who's easy to like. As for her other half, well, does anybody want to hear from him? Ever? What a pair - and I'm not reminiscing about Pamela Anderson.
As we went into the extended break (for the mind-numbing Family Fortunes) I found myself wondering why Frank Lampard would be interested in the talentless 'Bleakness'.
The Result
No real surprise that Anthea was left to fight in the skate off - because no one will bother voting for her. As for Lauren, I was surprised that she didn't get more help from the TOWIE-watching public, but rather pleased this was the case. Joe Pasquale was always going to get through at this early stage for his comedy, which is rather more entertaining than Goodger's gabble and impression of dead wood.
Lauren was hauled around the ice for a bit. Anthea did some more flouncing in the arms of her partner rather than any serious skating; I think she's scared of the ice. Schofield asked Anthea why it was that she'd apparently been prepared to be 'here' in the skate off. I would have thought it was obvious; she will not attract the public's affections or votes. The judges were always going to save Anthea, though, because she tried hard and put in an effort. Jason flipped the TOWIE reference and created TOWITTBD (The only way is through the back door) which is not as catchy as TOWIE, as he consigned Lauren to the bin, via the back door.
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