Kirsty Lane was convicted of fraud, after fleecing her boss to the tune of £200,000 to fund an OTT wedding, and last year served 6 months in prison. Preston Crown Court has just ruled that she will have to pay back £17,831. Can someone please tell me how the fucking exchange rate works? I will find some fucker to steal from if it means I get £172,169 benefit over six months. That's a wage of £344,000 per year TAX FUCKING FREE! I would love to know who arrived at the ludicrous yet precise amount she has to pay back, and know why this is in any way a deterrent to other lunatic brides. As for the poor boss who lost all that money, I am sure he'd like to draw blood.
Shite
'Take A Break', Melanie Sykes? Why, YES - Give me a break! Pleeeeaase! The magazine ads are shit. She was only marginally more annoying in the shoe advert.
Heaven Help Helen
Flanagan is apparently keen to write an autobiography. I suspect that she doesn't yet realise it will be a book about herself, a book which no sane person would be seen reading let alone purchase. I jest, of course, because she's bound to know what an autobiography is - because it's all about her! QED
She has tweeted on the subject, although no one has yet told her the book will need to be more than 140 characters long and will be a tad more challenging to create. Her tweet made me chuckle in a disparaging way.
"Working on a book I've been trying to write for ages. Want to write about the issues I've had and talk about my attention deficit disorder."
Something tells me her attention deficit disorder will be the convenient cause of no real progress by Helen. Still, I am sure there'll be someone who'll do it for her, which I think is the plan she's most used to following.
Georgia May Jagger
Sorry, luv, but there's been a slight mistake somewhere along the line. I'm sure you're a nice person, but you are unfortunately not pretty enough to actually be a model. I think the reason people take your picture and treat you like one is linked to your name. Just a thought.
Paula Hamilton
I do not care enough to waste more than this pointless line of type. Big Brother = Why Bother.
Splash! - Hot Water
So, Debbie Daley, mother of Tom Daley, has come out to defend her son and criticise British Swimming chief David Sparkes. Her 1600-word letter about the Daley male has been published in the Daily Mail, and she lets rip about Mr Sparkes who has been critical of Tom's attention to TV rather than training. She rants that David Sparkes is hardly in a position to point a finger at Tom and supports her view with venomous criticism. I applaud her for trying to defend her son from someone whose actually benefited from Tom's success. She has been more than able to put Sparkes in hot water. The only thing she has not done, though, is explain why her son has associated himself with a programme that is complete and utter shite! Sadly, she is supporting her son in what is actually a completely misguided venture, and perhaps she ought to turn her own attention to ITV executives, who themselves are likely to be in hot water should she wake up and realise that's where she should be going next. Whoever dreamed up and then sanctioned this tosh is a wanker (allegedly).
Own Label
In yesterday's Sun newspaper, there must have been a lack of news, or a revision to the definition of 'news'. Near the centre was a double page spread by 'Mrs Crunch' (in association with Morrisons) on how to save money. Yes, we were told, along with many illustrations, how brand name products can be very expensive and that a good way to save money is to switch to an own label alternative. That's right folks, and I was amazed and dumbfounded to learn that if I don't spend £7.65 for twenty cunting Finish dishwasher tablets and instead buy Morrisons M Power Burst tablets at £2.75, I will SAVE £4.90. Fucking amazing, and hallelujah for this divine message that will save me from bankruptcy. Another tip was to buy Asda's Chosen By You baked beans instead of Heinz beans and pay £1.24 instead of £2.48. But it didn't stop there. No, there were tips on how I can buy own label versions of Moet & Chandon Champagne, balsamic vinegar, ketchup and even mayonnaise! I can even ditch Fairy Liquid because there are cheaper alternatives now available! Spread the news, people; supermarkets have alternatives to brand names and you can spend less! What fantastic journalism. Mrs Crunch? Stupid Cunt!
Meerkats
Anyone else sick to fucking death of these creatures? The toy ones, I mean, in the adverts! They should be hunted down and shot, because they are now the number one target after the Go Compare geezer is now getting his comeuppance.
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