Rita was stationed at the first of the two 'kiosk' tills, the other being devoid of human presence [actually, so was the first, if I'm being unkind]. I was in the queue holding a newspaper, waiting for attention at this till, while the only other till in operation was a general one, which had no one waiting to be served. As I wanted a lottery ticket, I had no choice but to queue.
Rita was attending slowly to an elderly woman who was even slower - slower at everything. I silently groaned at the pointlessness of the Co-op approach to efficiency, and watched the operator at the conveyor to my left doing nothing. She then piped up:
"Come round to this till if you don't want Paypoint or Lottery."
It was said on autopilot with a monotone, quite loudly, while she stared straight ahead. With her sitting sideways on, that meant she was literally looking away from everyone and announcing to the fresh air in front of her, her willingness to do something to reduce the queue at the kiosk. No one moved an inch. I thought at the time that she'd have been more helpful if she'd come round to the kiosk to the spare till, and worked from that one!
I waited, three back from the 70-year-old snail, and noted that two people had joined the queue behind me.
"Come round to this till if you don't want Paypoint or Lottery."
I had not gone back in time. No, the sitting (sideways on) worker had decided to confirm that she suffered from Tourette's Syndrome with another outburst. No one moved (except the snail at the front of the queue, who curled a few fingers around two carrier bags). Tourette's Woman then turned to look at the queue, and asked loudly, "Do you all want Paypoint or Lottery?" I considered my options for responding:
a) A simple "Yes, I am queuing for a lottery ticket, thank you"
b) Complete ignorance on my part, maintaining forward vision
c) An offensive but honest "If I'd any fucking choice in the matter, I'd clearly have put my newspaper on your belt and paid for it after your first fucking outburst"
d) A kind rejection of "Oh, thanks for enquiring, which is so fortunate as I missed the content of your 95 decibel outbursts a few seconds ago; I do in fact need a lottery ticket for tonight."
e) An incredulous "Yes, you thick cunt, or I'd have left the queue already!"
f) A determined non-reaction, save the most subtle nod, along the lines of a Roger Moore eyebrow movement.
g) Answering her question with a question - "Yes, so maybe you could get off your arse and come to the kiosk to serve, rather than asking twattish questions."
I opted for "f" as my response, and made no eye contact with her. Instead, I shuffled forward 18 inches, as the snail oozed away. The person in front of me was a young lady, who had half a dozen items in a basket, and as the last was being scanned by Rita, asked for 10 Superking cigarettes. The young woman had cash in her hand, and this was a welcome sight as the transaction would be completed soon.
"How old are you?" asked Rita.
"Twenty-six" said the twenty-six-year-old woman, who looked not a day under 23 and not a day over 28.
"Have you got ID?" Rita said, with a stern tone.
"No" said the woman, looking baffled.
Rita completed the transaction, and I took the young woman's place to be served next. Meanwhile, the 26-year-old escaped, clutching her contraband. Why on earth Rita was pestering a woman who was simply buying 10 fags when so clearly way, way over 18 was beyond me; and it was pointless, because the sale went ahead anyway. The woman had no ID and Rita had no fucking idea! This is the very same Rita who was on the till last night, as an 11-year-old girl put 8 cans of Carlsberg on the counter and was not challenged at all. Admittedly her dad was behind her in the queue, and added a few bottles, before paying for the drinks. Even so, the girl packed the stuff, and considering the kerfuffle at Morrisons [see my recent Grandma's Gin post], you'd have thought Rita might have felt obliged to say something on that occasion.
I wasn't asked for ID during my purchase of "Two lucky dips, please" [For tonight? Of course they're for tonight you twat, it's Saturday, and I have no expectation that you'd consider these to be needed for the night of the Full Moon in May 2013 (Saturday 25th, as everyone knows) but at least she didn't ask if I wanted to "Plus 5" them - hard when there were just three pound coins placed on the counter to cover 2 lucky dips and a newspaper]
"Come round to this till if you don't want Paypoint or Lottery"
I left the shop.
...
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