The Voice should be renamed The Nausea, because it is simply filled to the brim with awful, stomach churning bile. This ranges from the standard of the compering to the quite pathetic utterances and "justifications" spouted by the judges for choosing one singer over another.
Judges bleating that "it's so tough" are a long way from entertaining, and they simply annoy. The worst aspect, though, is the protracted goodbye afforded to each unsuccessful singer, as he or she makes an exit. Group hugs, kisses and messages that mean bollocks are all presented to us as entertainment. A disgrace!
"I could so bring it" was Kiki's plea to Kylie, hoping for a second chance. Luckily Kylie decided not to steal her, and this lame and pathetic whine for a lifeline was not responded to.
The two holding guitars and wailing out the Eleanor Rigby shite were both worth ejecting, but their pairing showed the silliness of the "Battles" and how it all depends on the pairings. The judges obviously know who they are going to pick before the shows.
"They did me proud," said Ricky. Hmmmm . . . beg to fucking differ, (p)Rick. He started his summation with the word "So", which instantly wound me up, and we were then invited by him to applaud the woman who put one of the blokes forward for the competition. Desperate, desperate television. Max won, though it was a reprieve until next time. "That makes it all the more harder" was a demonstration by Ricky that he can't speak properly let alone sing.
"They're pretty dope" was not intended to be an insult by will regarding Cherri and Sophie-May. The pair struggled their combined way through Love Cats and were unsuccessful in making it compatible with human ears. On this performance, I'd have chosen Emma Willis!
Ricky: "If I had a steal left, I wouldn't care who you put through - I'd have the other one." Easy to say Ricky, when you haven't got a steal left, and thus a meaningless utterance (lie). Cherri went home.
Then we had tears all round for the two blokes and Kylie. Jamie and Joe spend more time hugging than fucking singing. Iesher (yes, that's the correct spelling!) was next up, against Femi and his sob story. Yet again, the fucking pre-amble was more painful on the ears than any singing. Will realised they should both be going through, and that he should not have put them against each other. Dope!
Iesher simply had to be the choice of Will, and so the Dope at least got that right when he put her through. She has a fantastic voice. Femidom was presented to Kylie [not as birth control, mind] as a singer for her to steal. He sang his plea, and scored a few points. Then they snogged, and the nice chap got through as well.
Tom lined up Laverne and Georgia, who argued over the lines they had in a Taylor Swift song. The best version of "22" would be the one where no cunt sings! Both had been dealt a poor hand with this song, though Georgia did have the slightly better part. Laverne struggled with this song choice. Tom Jones, according to the personality-free-zone that is Marvin, had "a very tough decision". He picked Georgia, which was no surprise, as Laverne, being older, would have excelled with a better song.
Kylie's last battle was between Jade and the twin sisters, Gemyni. How the fuck it's fair or even appropriate to have a duo in this programme [called The Voice, NOT The Voices] is beyond me. As for the spelling of Gemyni, that's reason enough to fuck them off. At the start, all three were fucking shit. By the end pf the wailing, all three were still fucking shit. Kylie told us they'd "taken it to the next level". The basement would have done! Tom told us somebody's got to stay and somebody's got to go. Thanks, Tom. Ricky talked bollocks as well, before Kylie milked the moment unnecessarily, as she chose to keep Jade, and not The Voices.
Elesha bored us with her reminiscences of her appearance in last year's competition (along with tears, of course). No shit from Gary, or tears. Come on Gary! Neither was helped by the awful song (what else can be expected from Usher) chosen by Tom Jones. The pair of them bored me to the point of leaving to get another Rekorderlig (strawberry and lime, if you're interested).
"I wish you could sing together all the time; it would suit me. Then I wouldn't need to make a decision." Twat! He chose Gary, so got something right.
Luciee Marie and Jazz were up next, and Ricky described Luciee as "Uber cute", using "Uber" for the third time tonight; prize fucking pillock. I can't cope with the spelling, so was rooting for Jazz. Sadly I had to endure the song (Grenade) and wondered whether either singer would be true to her word and pull the pin on one.
LM's voice was the more irritating. Emma Willis asked her: "How was that?" and LM replied: "That was absolutely phenomenal" - although her version of the word 'phenomenal' was unique. Jazz got through.
"Do you have a burning question you'd like to ask Ricky Wilson" was the invite from the continuity announcer, as the credits rolled. I wondered whether to interact with him via Twitter, but thought he wouldn't appreciate my question
[How the fuck did you get this job?]
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