It is amazing to learn the secrets of how Sarah Ferguson lost so much weight. Not that I am the least bit interested of course - why on earth would fucking weight loss constitute news? Well, in this case, a woman with plenty of weight to lose actually losing some if it is newsworthy in one respect. NOT because the woman concerned is the rather useless and pointless Sarah Ferguson, but because of the method by which she's allegedly lost 3 stone.
It is claimed, by the way, in some quarters that she's been transformed from "frump to magazine cover girl", a claim that defies all standards in any weights and measures system. At fifty-fucking-four, she's no girl. As for "cover", yes, being covered would be an improvement, generally.
Losing 3 stone in eight weeks is simply ebb and flow in fat-fucker terms. If I choose NOT to get 3 stone fatter, and then not have to lose it, will I get applauded? I think not. Anyway, she's managed it and so let's have a look in more detail at just how this feat of human endeavour was achieved. My first thought was that Weight Watchers had finally paid off. She was the face of the company for a while, and surely she had to knuckle down and get with the regime? No. Instead, we learn of some rather pathetic means, and the various advantages she had in managing to do so well.
Let's see if the recipe of her own successful approach is one that can be passed on and made available to the thousands who struggle daily to stop getting fatter.
1 - Find yourself a luxury chalet for 8 weeks, preferably in a fancy resort such as Verbier, the Swiss location Fergie opted for.
2 - Make sure you employ a private chef, and a fantastic one at that.
3 - Employ a personal trainer.
4 - Partake in walking in healthy, scenic surroundings; the Alps would be a good choice.
5 - Benefit from regular deep tissue massage.
6 - Enjoy proper rest and relaxation.
Having access to Venison for breakfast and a whole host (well, perhaps half considering the diet) of fancy foods will not be possible for most, nor the time to adopt such a focused approach to getting rid of some fat. All this would be irrelevant to us, and be her private business but for the fact that she's publicised the whole escapade - in Hello, of course. She is proud of her new look and so pleased with herself that it demands she gets public appreciation. Yawn. Fat people losing weight, gaining weight - this is not 'news' and not of concern to the public. As for flaunting the results and being pleased as punch, fuck off with that. It's almost as bad as the vastly overpaid footballer who happens to be standing in the right place to be hit by the ball, which then, through sheer good fortune, takes the luckiest deflection possible and goes into the goal, and who then proceeds to celebrate as though he actually had any hand (well any part other than a hand, actually) in the fucking scoring of the cunting goal! Where's the humility? Where's the acceptance that it wasn't all down to you? Good fortune is not willingly acknowledged. Just because you name's on the score sheet, it doesn't mean you are deserving of all the attention, whether you're a premiership footballer or a rather pampered bit-part ex-royal sideshow.
...
No comments:
Post a Comment