The 'Lives' as they've been referred to all last weekend are now underway, and both Emma Willis and Will.i.am wasted no time in labouring the point - 'we are live'. This was all after some excessive whooping by Emma who had obviously taken something before the show.
Will's Team
Jermain is nauseating, because everything is amazing and he is so privileged etc etc. The VT allowed us to see his relentless links to politics and ambitions. I wish he'd fuck off and become an MP as this seems to be his obsession, aside from the protestations that music is his first love. As for his singing, it was nothing special at all, just an exercise in making various sounds and smiling like an idiot. Seeing him on BBC Radio and having Ed Miliband next to him and shaking hands was the kiss of death for Jermain, and his chances in both music and politics. As for Ed, his chances of being PM fucked off ages ago. On reflection, Jermain's actually got better odds of being PM than Ed.
Sophie-May is of course stylish and has talent. I do think that people need to be so careful with the 'forced' tampering and warbling. The song was a bit messy, but she's certainly got a good voice. Emma held the microphone and spoke so noisily that it was clear that no microphone was necessary. I suspect that Emma's been taking lessons from Tess "Foghorn Leghorn" Daly. Emma asked Tom "How do you make a song like that your own?" and Mrs MWSC wailed in agony as she walked past, en route to the kitchen What a shit question from a shit presenter.
Iesher arrived and the VT was preoccupied with the 'confidence' aspect. Her performance rather suggested no confidence issues at all! A pop song that was sung in a rather straightforward way. She had a quick go again of a couple of lines, and looked rather better than the other yellow dress-wearer [that would be Wailing Willis].
Will was allowed to give a pass to one of the three, for an automatic place in the semi-finals. We learned that making the decision was "hard", but I'm not sure if that's higher or lower than "tough". The audience shouted, then it all went quiet. "Everyone was mega-dope super-fresh." Thanks, Will. The word "amazing" was used for the 84th time so far. Why the fuck he chose Jermain I've no idea. "He's a bit dated, isn't he?" said Mrs MWSC and I agreed that carbon would be necessary to get an accurate reading!
Willis told us all the details about voting to choose between Sophie and Iesher in the public vote. Willis shuffled them off with a "Go and see Marv." Sorry, luv, but "Marv" is simply not acceptable.
Mrs MWSC pipes up with: "Tom Jones is like an undertaker". How could I not agree 100%.
Kylie's Team
Jamie was up first with A Thousand Miles. The voice was too wimpy and high until he got to the shouting and wailing bit, when it was just not right. Mrs MWSC helped me out with "wispy" as the correct adjective for his voice on the non-wailing bits. Vanessa Carlton's song was ruined. "I could polish it; I could buff it," said Kylie to Jamie and I realised she was talking about his car, not anything else. Tom said that Jamie reminded him of himself, a bit. The egotistical undertaker then went on to use his stock descriptor - "powerful". Willis annoyed with her presence until she introduced the next act and we moved on.
Lee helped us Make It Through the Night rather well, by simply standing still and singing the song well, and quite distinctively. Good voice control! Wailing Willis told us it was beautiful, and then suggested to Ricky that he's "stripped it back" - what a cunt of an overused term. Will thought it was "enchanting", although Willing kept on about "haunting".
Rachael was pretty good as well, better than during last weekend's effort. I got bored with listening for a few minutes, so that's all I've got to say.
Kylie was prompted by Willis, and opted to take Jamie into the semi-finals. What a shock, because he was shit.
"Marv's waiting for you in the green room," wailed Emma, and the Jamie shuffled off for a meaningless exchange, which was mercifully short. Sadly he then had a pointless word with Lee and Rachael.
Tom's Team
The excruciating shite that preceded Tom's pontificating was all linked to the Tom Appreciation and Sucking His Nob palaver. Yawn.
Bizzi was up first. All I could think about was "Get busy with the fizzy, that's Sodastream" as the jingle used to go. He sang with too much breath and pissing about with intonation. Not my cup of tea, or fizzy drink! So NOT entertaining. There was the requisite element of wailing, and I thought Emma Willis had taken over for a few lines. Her next actual input was fucking disgracefully awful -
Willis: "How do you turn a singer into a soul singer? Can you even do that?"
Tom: "He's already a gospel singer, soul singer."
Sally has a pure voice and sang a simple slow song that suited her voice. Similar to Eva Cassidy, in style. She was excellent and got excellent comments.
Georgia aka Adele's cousin who has only met Adele once when she was a kid and who hasn't spoken to her since. It started off with a shit note, and crawled along being not-quite-right, with a bit of wailing, and dodgy vocals. Very weak, and noisy; at the end I wanted to kick her in the fanny! "That was wonderful," wailed Willis, in a way that would have made the other Willis wince (- you have to be a certain age to know what I mean). Will told us she was "pitchy" but I rather get the sense of "bitchy" being more appropriate.
Tom was required to choose one for a fast route to the semi-final. "Tonight the three of you did fantastic." [Use a fucking adverb, Tom!]
Tom: "Now?"
Willis: "When you're ready, Tom. I'll get your Horlicks in a minute."
[I made up the last seven words, but the old git does need a carer.]
He picked Sally, as if there was ever any doubt - thank God. Bizzi and Georgia waddled over to Marvin and he prompted the vote pleas from each one. Marvin is simply POINTLESS.
Ricky
You think it's all over, and then, mind-numbingly, there's still Ricky to go. I really didn't want to endure someone almost as bland as Marvin.
Chris was able to sing a song (a strange choice) pretty well. Tom managed: "I think he did wonderful," and managed to swerve yet another fucking adverb.
Emily sang a diabolical song - Happy. Fucking SHIT, and her pitch was enough to evict tinnitus from the world and replace it with something worse. When it finished, my ears lapped up the silence - well, for a seconds, until Willis wailed. Tom Jones said everyone had been great, and I considered he should be in a wing-backed chair in a nursing home, not in a red chair on BBC1. Can some cunt give him some Horlicks.
Christina Marie was last to perform. The song choice was weird, and I wondered if she's been listening to Elaine Paige a bit too much. Then it moved on to some warbling and wailing, and a couple of shouts. What a shame that someone who's got a good voice decides to try too hard to make a noise. She probably deserves to get somewhere, but this song was borderline to me, and not actually the best to demonstrate her talent. "Tremendous, really tremendous." Thanks, Tom.
Ricky was asked to make a decision, after a burst of Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. His choice to go through was Christine Marie, and she trembled over to Marvin, so that he could talk shit. He asked how she managed that, listened for 10 seconds and then handed back to Wailing Willis. Marvin, I have a bent paperclip on my desk that's got more talent than you, and is in better shape to present a programme on BBC1. The other two went over to him afterwards, and he told us that Ed Balls had tweeted. WTF? Keep politics out of The Voice - take note, Jermain.
I decided that I would not be spending 15p on a vote, despite Emma Willis entreating me to do so, and providing a round-up. Iesher and Lee would in theory get a vote from me. Georgia was bad enough for Bizzi to get a nod, and the choice between Emily and Chris is too close to call.
After two hours of this (without advert breaks) we have a further half hour for the Results, shortly. Crikey!
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