30.3.14 The Art Of English - Speech

Part 1 - Speech

There are numerous ways in which twats use English in the wrong way, or try to reinvent word usage for no apparent reason.  In some cases, there is no concept of 'reason' at all, and the root cause is ignorance and/or stupidity. Pretentious people are also keen to contribute, adding pathetic twists to things that are apparently attempts to be cool, modern or simply annoying as fuck.  In no particular order, I will relay my views on various elements of the spoken word, vocabulary, usage, cuntishness [which is not yet an accepted 'word' but this is my blog and on that basis I can choose the c-word and its derivatives whenever I like] and style.

Uber - this is an excellent example of a word that's suddenly caught on, despite it not even existing in the fucking language.  In a bid to provide some sort of extra emphasis, people seem to think it's good to stick "uber" in front of another word to accentuate, increase, intensify or elevate.  What complete bollocks.  I suspect these are the same people who are tempted (and usually succumb to that temptation) to use "epicentre" in some sort of strange attempt to add extra emphasis to the word "centre" - another complete fuck-up, and abuse of the English language.

In a row - this was for a rather long time a simple and adequate way of explaining things that came one after another.  A sequence of events, or things can occur or happen in close proximity [time or distance].  Thus, in respect of trying to hit a target, "he knocked over three in a row" leaves no one in any doubt that on each of three attempts, he knocked one over.  Strange then, that in the world of sport, most notably football, pundits and TV presenters have now started to adopt a different terminology for this sort of message.  Teams no longer win three matches in a row.  Instead, they win "three on the spin" or "three on the bounce".  What the fucking fuck?  Pretentious and stupid, and the desire to try and be different, and invent some sort of weird and exclusive style for relaying bog standard fucking information is pathetic.  As for Alan Hansen wittering on about "eight games on the belt" I've no fucking idea!

Christina Perri has released a single called Human.  Sadly, though, the written word is rather different from the one she actually uses when singing.  The lyrics, unsurprisingly, include the word human quite a few times, a word that when sung by her taken on the revised sound you'd associate with 'human'. The one letter different is more annoying than should be the case for the single letter fuck-up.  At least she does not sing "Who-men" and manages to make the first syllable "Hyou".  Even so, she gets no congratulations from me for that avoidance of another fuck-up, and I think she ought to reflect carefully on why the word 'human' is spelled with no 'e' - because there's no 'e' sound in the word!

Conscious Uncoupling is the way in which Gwyneth Paltrow chose to relay the news that she and her husband had split.  A bit pretentious, eh?  Still, not quite as pathetic as Mary Nightingale on the ITV News managing to fuck up the pronunciation of 'Gwyneth', opting instead for Gwenyth.  Such an error is hardly acceptable when your employed to read the fucking news and so be able to read and speak properly!

Vince Cable managed to alert the media, ahead of a speech about immigration, that he was "intensely relaxed" about the matter.  What a prize fucking pillock.  He sat and thought about what to put across to the journalists, and decided on this 'taster' before he actually said anything at all.  We are all used to getting so-called news about what the news is going to be, but it's even more annoying when a sound-bite is engineered, especially when the words used are fucking contradictory, even oxymoronic, and almost a Googlewhack.

Prepositions are open to abuse these days, none more so than "around", which has come to replace the word "about" when pretentious people get to talk shit.  This means that no longer are there, for example: "Some issues about whether it's safe to use chainsaws".  Instead, there are: "Some issues around whether it's safe to use chainsaws".  This is simply poor, and affected - infected speech, I'd say.

Inappropriate touching - In a world where 'touching' is nearly always linked to a major scandal, use of the word, you'd think, would perhaps be minimised. Instead, we find extra use of this verb through the pathetic shit uttered by people who want to make their speeches seem more flowery, and more varied. However, the end result is either an excessive use of the phrase "touch on" or "touched on", or worse, use of the term when it is in fact wholly inappropriate. First, people like to "touch on" a subject, and then tell you fuck all about it; in essence, there was fuck all touching going on, and the provision of information was in fact more tantric!  Then there are those who refer to others who went before them; for example: "Earlier on, John touched on the difficulties with record keeping".  There are others who say they are going to "touch on" a particular subject and then spend fucking ages molesting the cunting subject! If an agenda might benefit from the inclusion of a cunting matter, then there is nothing wrong with mentioning the cunt, or covering the cunt, or talking about the cunt - but touching on the cunt is a no go!

Mispronounced Words

There are numerous words that for some reason provide challenges for those wanting to use them.  In other cases, pretentious twats decide to vary the pronunciation for no fucking good reason.

Consumer - This is NOT 'Conshoomer', nor is it 'Consoomer'.
Sneaked - 'Snuck' may well be an accepted word in North America, but it most definitely is NOT a word in English, and 'Sneaked' is correct here.
Columnist - The pretentious will decide to pronounce the 'n' just to be fucking annoying.  In English, it is allegedly optional whether to do so, despite the 'n' in 'Column' being silent.  There is simply NO NEED to sound the 'n' so why some people bother is beyond me; maybe they are just attention seekers.
Omega - The stress is most definitely on the FIRST syllable, but ever since the fucking advent of Omega 3 in food, there's been a strange persistence on the part of advertisers to promote the stuff with stress on the second syllable. This has now given rise to millions of people being under the impression that stressing the first syllable is wrong (!) and most of the cunts don't even know it's the last letter of the Greek alphabet!
Finance - Another example of twats taking over, with the proper long 'i' sound being replaced with a short 'i'; where does this fucking shit start?
Decade - Exactly in line with the 'Omega' problem, we have a never ending line of people desperate to denote 10 years through use of a term that's mispronounced, and instead of 'Decade' being said in the same way one might start the word 'Decimal' or the word 'Decibel', we are lumbered with second-syllable stress and the exact same sound as 'decayed'.
Negotiate - Perhaps the most common word most annoying mispronounced; there is 's' or soft 'c' in the middle of this word!  Pretentious twats say "negossiate".
Islamist - This is Islam with 'ist' on the end, but it seems there's no room for people retaining any stress on the middle syllable.  Conform and Conformist will best relay my view.  Clearly CON-fer-mist is just silly.
Supervisory - Simply Supervisor with an extra 'ee' sound at the end, NOT a licence to use a short 'i' in the middle!
Via - This has a long 'i' and is quite simple to say; yet, we get twats using a short 'i' and making it sound like "veer".  Get it sorted.  Via, Viaduct, Vial.
Vulnerable - There is a fucking 'l' as the third letter, and it is there so that it is not pronounced "vunrable".  The bone on your arm is an "Ulna" not an "Unna".

Words and Phrases to Avoid - These are words and terms that do the user no credit at all, because they are never said in context and/or given their proper place.  Instead, they are abused, overused, and fucking annoying.

Awesome, Chillax, Epic, Award Winning, Iconic, Bestest, National Treasure, In-Branch, Journey, Take it to the next level, Nailed It, Put in a shift, Step up to the plate, Bad day at the office, Showed character, Grit and determination, Amazing, Legend and Dope.

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