Club Town Freaks
This collection of odd bods is a pointless inclusion in tonight's show. Let's see what mess arrives. The fucked up start was not actually a surprise!!! This is SHIT already, and I've listened to 24 seconds! Sad or what.
TMWSC Verdict: 2/10
Walliams: "You remind me a lot of the judging panel."
Alesha: "You've opened the show in such a colourful way." Bollocks, Alesha!
Amanda: "I feel like I've had too many sherries already." I need a whisky - now!
Cowell: "You've summed up this week - weird and unpredictable."
Shit.
Alex Keirl
The guy with the funny haircut was accused of being 'too high' with his singing. He pissed me off with his rendition of "The First Time Ever I saw Your face". Affected and not actually enjoyable at all. If some cunt says "you made it your own" I will be annoyed.
TMWSC Verdict: 5/10
Walliams: "It was fantastic." No, it was 'okay'.
Alesha: "I really found that moving." No, it was 'okay'.
Amanda: "It was faultless." No, it was 'okay'.
Cowell: "I wasn't expecting that. Am I looking at a star? Nice guy, good voice, but something is missing." Yep, Simon - the X-Factor. Oops, sorry, 'talent'. It was 'okay'.
"It means so much to me." Less to me though, Alex. This is the best song of all time and alas you did not add to my life in any respect.
The Shockarellas
"Next up are a street dancing girl group." Ant - you are grammatically fucked! This will be uneventful. Mark my words. I am bored fucking rigid. Shit music and clap-along bollocks on stage!
TMWSC Verdict: 2/10
Walliams: "Fantastic." Liar.
Alesha: "Genuine flavour, genuine soul." What the fuck does that mean? This is not a social experiment for kids in this country but an entertainment programme!
Amanda: "So slick, so cool." So not the case!
Cowell: "It was wicked. Innit. You did better this time than the first time."
It was uneventful - did you mark my words? Older version of Pre Skool?
Popin' Ron
This is NOT "Britain's Got Immigrants From Syria With A Hard Luck Story". Nice chap but the back story is irrelevant! He was quirky on the auditions, with the body popping, but this is all too 'produced' and polished at the beginning. No raw enough to grab attention with the "how can he do that?" view.
TMWSC Verdict: 3/10
Walliams: "It wasn't shiny, clappy and happy, and you can't see that Simon." Bollocks.
Alesha: "I love your story and I love you." Is that the criteria, now?
Amanda: "Ron, you have been on an incredible journey." His life story is FUCK ALL to do with anything, Amanda, so stop patronising the fuck out of the country! "I'm glad you're safe now." ??? Get real, woman!
Cowell: "Indulgent." Correct.
Sorry, but not very good.
James More
Very clever, although I was bored a bit with the OTT showmanship.
TMWSC Verdict: 7/10
Walliams: "It was a terrific trick. The fresh young sexy face of magic"
Alesha: "Unbelievable."
Amanda: "We've never had a reaction like that for a magic act. There was a point when I thought I might have to start using Tenor Ladies." Yes, as per Simon's comment - too much information.
Cowell: "Congratlations."
Very clever and a great trick, no doubt. I don't think he'll get enough votes, though.
Chasing The Dream
I have no idea why these people are even here, in the competition, and using up my hours on this earth. After ten seconds, I HATE it! Well done, Alesha, for buzzing! Well done, Simon, for buzzing!
TMWSC Verdict: 1.1/10
Walliams: "It's enjoyable - especially if you have a box of Maltesers, as I have under the table."
Alesha: "A bit too much of a cheese fest - I just didn't like it." Correct.
Amanda: "If this was an advert on telly, it would be something I would want to see." Not me.
Cowell: "I found it so corny." Agreed, plus shite.
These twats wanted a 'platform' to promote their own musical. Fuck off!
Francine Lewis
Fucking EXCELLENT!
TMWSC Verdict: 9.5/10
Walliams: "Absolutely fantastic."
Alesha: "I can't wait to see your own TV show."
Amanda: "You were the best act of the night."
Cowell: "This was better than your first audition."
Winner.
Asanda Jezile
This girl is actually an impressionist. She sings in the style of either Rihanna, or tonight, Beyonce. An 11-year-old copying an established singer is not right.
TMWSC Verdict: 8/10
Walliams: "You really owned that song."
Alesha: "You are unbelievable."
Amanda: "It's ridiculous; I've no doubt you'll be going through to the final."
Cowell: "OMG."
I am not sure what to think. Yes, she is very good - no doubt. But I am still struggling with the whole concept of copying people. It this "Stars In Their Eyes" or a different show?
AJ & Chloe
These two are definitely talented, although strangely that seems not to matter much in this competition.
TMWSC Verdict: 6/10
Walliams: "A fantastic end to the show."
Alesha: "Excellent."
Amanda: "Congratulations."
Cowell: "Faultless. You're both great."
Very good but it's rather hard to believe that the public vote will reward this sort of act.
So, Francine and the kid.
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