15.5.13 Chelsea Match - Shock Comment

Yes, it's true that there was this evening a shock event exactly fifteen minutes into the match.  In a first half that was rather poor, it marked the only noteworthy contribution in ITV's coverage of the Europa League Final.  Sadly the input was not actually on the pitch, but from the commentary box, courtesy of Andy Townsend.  He described Benfica as being:

"A good yard sharper than Chelsea."

Amazingly Andy temporarily re-calibrated his mind and perception of football, and decided on avoiding the usual "half a yard" unit of measurement.  Quite simply an amazing occurrence that merits comparison with the frequency of a lunar eclipse.

It didn't last, of course, and the half-yard system was back in play within ten minutes, so normal (commentary) service was resumed.  Sadly, so was the input from David Luiz who managed a signature shoulder-into-an-opponent just a couple of minutes later.  As for Ramirez, why was he on the pitch; poor all round.

The second half got livelier, and the Torres goal put the cat among the pigeons. The main beneficiaries of Benfica's benevolence were the Chelsea players, who were awarded a fair few free kicks.

Then came the handball by Azpilicueta, allowing Benfica to score from the penalty spot.  Ramirez continued to be shit, and David Luiz continued to be erratic.  Then Ramirez was shit again.  I sat and willed there to be some more cards flashed by the referee, as boredom started to set in.  Sadly the ref was a cunt for not booking the player who clattered into Ramirez.  Instead, he was determined to smile like a twat at everything and anything.

As a complete aside, what the fuck is the Benfica manager's hair all about. That 'style' went out in 1975, about the same time that Cossack was popular for keeping it in place.  Also, who dressed the Benfica keeper in a 'nude' strip (what a pun!) or perhaps 'biscuit' seeing as a Rich Tea could be invisible against his shirt.

After Ramirez served up some more shit, Benfica got a a bit more possession. Then Ramirez ran at the goal to no effect, while Luiz sulked.  The referee lost a bit more control of the game and I feared that we'd get another half and hour of him, and this tit-for-tat game of football.  I was so bored that i even looked at the top of the screen and drew a weird conclusion:

BEN  1 - 1  CHL

I thought:  "Benzene One, Chlorine One"

Then Lampard hit the bar, and I rued the miss, thinking that three minutes of injury time would not be enough to save us from extra time.  Then it happened - with 60 seconds to go, Ivanovic headed in a corner.  Unbelievable!  Benfica should have drawn level seconds later, and just seconds before the final whistle - but managed to avoid doing so.  That was it, Chlorine beat Benzene by two goals to one.

...