The Results
Petra: Malmo, are you ready for the final countdown?" I though we'd be getting Bon Jovi but no, the lines were closing.
Bonnie Tyler was not up to scratch, I'm afraid, because her voice just was not strong enough - what's happened to it? Total eclipse of the voice! After the clip of Bonnie Tyler in the run up to the final tonight, we returned to the venue with Petra murdering something or other. Who commissions bollocks like this? I know that the votes have to be added up, but surely to God there's a better way of filling time than watching what was worse than something a class at junior school would put on to entertain doting parents. The 'Swedish Smorgasbord' was decidedly unappetising.
Eric was introduced to us from the 'green room', and Graham Norton quickly got into the piss-taking mode. Sarcasm oozed. "There can only be one winner" was mumbled by some adjudicator bloke, and GN said: "Unless it's a four-way tie". The Winner Takes It All was sung by Sarah Dawn Finer, and then we got to the votes.
San Marino - Greece gets 12 points: What the fuck?
Sweden - Weirdly dressed chap. Graham: "His real name's Kevin - he's big in Japan". 12 pts to Norway; what a surprise!
Albania - 12 pts to Italy from the Alexei Sayle lookalike
The Netherlands - 12 pts to Belgium (keep it local, eh?)
Austria - 12 pts to Azerbaijan
United Kingdom - How the fuck has the UK given 8 pts to Greece? 12 pts to Denmark. Snap.
Israel - Graham: "This is Offal". Actually, I think I misheard that. 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Serbia - 12 pts to Denmark. Snap.
Ukraine - The result-giver was dressed as a clown (?) Weird as fuck! 12 pts to Belarus
Hungary - Graham: "She's always hanging out by that bridge, every year." 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Romania - The first points for the UK (they're coming here next year). 12 pts to Moldova
Moldova - 12 pts Ukraine
Azerbaijan - She took fucking ages to get on with it! 12 pts to Ukraine
Norway - 12 pts to Sweden (next door neighbour) Graham: "The Clare Balding lookalike not doing as well as he'd like".
Armenia - 12 pts to Ukraine
Italy - 12 pts to Denmark. Snap.
Finland - 12 pts to Norway (next door neighbour)
Spain - 12 pts to Italy
Belarus - 12 pts to Ukraine (what a surprise)
Latvia - 10 to Estonia, hmmmm, and 12 pts to Russia
Bulgaria - "Malmoo" ?? 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Belgium - 12 pts to Netherlands (next door)
Russia - 12 pts to Azerbaijan
With the Balkans not in the competition, but still voting, the real issues here are all surrounding the ex-soviet bloc.
Malta - 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Estonia - 12 pts to Russia
Germany - 12 pts to Hungary
Iceland - 12 pts to Denmark. Snap. As if there was ever any doubt about that!
France - 12 pts to Denmark. Snap.
Greece - Graham: "There's a dress-and-a-half." 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Ireland - 12pts to Denmark. Snap.
Denmark - 12 pts to Norway (surprise).
Montenegro - 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Slovenia - Graham: "Andreas has dressed well; looks like he's just left a science fiction convention." 12 pts to Denmark. Snap.
Georgia - 12 pts to Azerbaijan
Macedonia - Graham: "Is he standing outside a prison?" 12 pts to Denmark. Snap.
How weird - for the first time the winner was announced before the voting was completed. Then voting continued . . what a silly piece of organisation by the Swedes!
Cyprus - 12 pts to Greece (no surprise of course)
Croatia - 12 pts to Ukraine
Switzerland - 12 pts to Italy
Lithuania - "I love you Bonnie Tyler". Nice chap. 12 pts to Azerbaijan
So Denmark is victorious and I must say that this was no great surprise to me.
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