So after yesterday's first semi-final, the culling of everyone who doesn't sing has got underway. Out went Aaron Crow and Philip Green, both of whom were rather strange and original. The two Welsh singers were a certainty, and instead of either Aaron or Philip getting a chance, Cowell sidestepped a vote and allowed the public to choose a singer who got through because she is 11 years old, and not because it was fantastic (even though her being 11 years old is irrelevant, as we were repeatedly told by people who marvelled at her voice "for an 11-year-old). With loads of singers in the show, the others won't get a look in, except the young comedian.
Martin & Marielle
These two were very interesting in the auditions, and deserve the airtime. However, they are not likely to get through whatever they do.
TMWSC Verdict: 7/10
Walliams: "It was an incredible start to the show." Nicely predictable, David.
Alesha: "A great performance." That's inventive, Alesha.
Amanda: More congratulations and telling them to stop worrying about a small blip.
Cowell: "I do want one of you, though." I think Simon fancies her.
This act was original and deserves applause for that. At least there was no singing involved, for a change, and there is most definitely skill in abundance from these two performers.
MckNasty
A 'Drummer DJ' act is not something I think can win BGT. As soon as it started I was bored to fuck. He is simply playing the drums, with backing music. Sorry, mate, I'm sure you're a nice guy but that counts for nothing at all in this competition. Did I say I was bored? Oh, yes, I did. This is not very good.
TMWSC Verdict: 3/10
Walliams: "It was fresh, it was funky; brilliant." Er, no!
Alesha: "You got the party started; you're never going to be out of work." Oh, so that makes him a winner then, eh?
Amanda: "You've reinvented it. I'm lovin' your boots." How silly is that!
Cowell: "You got the party started. It's not easy when you're behind a drum kit to make this entertaining." You said it, Simon - and he failed because it wasn't.
Sadly this was simply a drummer who had noisy music playing in the background. That's not really entertaining, and his brother being Labrinth is completely and utterly irrelevant!
Jack & Cormac
Two likeable young chaps who will one day be pretty good. At the moment though, this is rather low key stuff even if they're deemed 'cute' by the judges. Unfortunately the singing isn't up to scratch - it's that simple. Let's see if they're patronised.
TMWSC Verdict: 5/10
Walliams: "What is not to love about you guys?"
Alesha: "You two are adorable. When you winked at your friend it was so sweet."
Amanda: "You are infectious. You sound like kids when you're singing."
Cowell: "We would need to work more on the vocals."
Right, so 'cute' and a dollop of guff from the judges who seemed to be looking for another Ant & Dec. Nice boys, natural, but certain not yet a real talent.
Modupe
I thought her audition was good, but her style is slightly 'affected' and not quite genuine. For this song, she ditched the small guitar (thankfully) and sang a mediocre song in a mediocre way, with a few dodgy notes. The production was OTT and she was lost, as was her voice. Rather poor.
TMWSC Verdict: 1/10
Walliams: "That is the biggest change we've ever seen on a show." Yes, David - for the worse.
Alesha: "Well done for coming out and giving it a go. I like Modupe stripped back with a guitar, organic." Alesha, you're talking bollocks - and this is the second mention of 'organic', so what's that all about?
Amanda: "I thought it was brilliant." Well stop fucking thinking, then, because it was crap.
Cowell: "Very generic and no individual personality." Well done for buzzing, Simon.
She said she wanted to show she was an 'artist' who's not just a one trick pony. Wake up, luv - you're not an artist and you haven't done any tricks yet, not even the one that you mention! Don't be calling yourself an 'artist' when you're going home. Walk before you run.
Meat Diva
This was never going anywhere at all. Nice people, but that is NOT one of the criteria for becoming a finalist let alone a winner. This started off and I wished I was cutting the lawn with nail scissors. She can't sing - the Cher bit was horrible. How is this representative of the best Britain has got to offer? As a 'spoof', though, it was okay.
TMWSC Verdict: 3/10
Walliams: "There's one thing this show is about and that is fun." No, David, it's Britain's Got Talent (not fun).
Alesha: She liked it even though she didn't want to
Amanda: Thought it was camp and entertaining
Cowell: "It's not the best thing I've ever seen or heard. You did give it 100%." Oh well, in that case they should be headlining at the Royal Variety Performance, then!
As Simon said, maybe at Butlins this might have fitted in. That's hardly an endorsement, though. I can't say I ever want to see them again, even if this performance was not horrendous.
MD
"Our next act are a dance company." Now it's your turn, Dec, to be a grammatical arse! This is not going to be that good - I can tell. Well, I've watched the last minute and decided this is pants. There is absolutely nothing at all unique or special about this act. Tame as fuck, to put it bluntly.
TMWSC Verdict: 4/10
Walliams: "In a word - fierce. You really showed us something special." Liar, David!
Alesha: "The best workout routine I've seen in my life. An explosion of energy." Yes, that's right, a workout routine -that is all!
Amanda: "You're all mentalists. You're so intense."
Cowell: "I liked the costumes. I wouldn't have all of you in the group; there are too many weak members. I'm not jumping out of my chair." I am jumping into the waste disposal unit where being shredded is more enjoyable than watching MD dancing.
A spokeswoman for the dancers said: "Taking all the comments, we took then on the shoulder." This girl then proceeded to warble on about shite in a shit accent that meant I hadn't a clue what she was saying.
Alice Fredenham
I love the voice - simple as that
TMWSC Verdict: 9/10
Walliams: "You are every inch the star. Truly stunning."
Alesha: "Majestical and hypnotising."
Amanda: "Old Hollywood thirties."
Cowell: "Liquid platinum."
Her voice is wonderful. Aside from the usual hype and controversy, she at least displayed a talent, something that has not been on display so far tonight.
Jack Carroll
There's a benevolence on the part of the audience, and an appreciation of his disability, even if it does dominate the humour. He is certainly funny, although it's so hard to compare his act with others. I like him and I reckon he'll get the public vote.
TMWSC Verdict: 9/10
Walliams: "You are the next Peter Kay."
Alesha: "That was fantastic."
Amanda: "Extraordinary."
Cowell: "I absolutely love you; a wicked sense of humour."
"It were all right" said Jack. It were.
Gabz Gardiner
Sadly she decided to sing the same song as the audition a couple of days ago. It's a catchy song, and with the extra backing track, and the backing singers it sounded rather more polished. Fair play, and it will give the two main acts a run for their money.
TMWSC Verdict: 8/10
Walliams: "Get that song on to i-tunes."
Alesha: "You have an amazing future ahead of you."
Amanda: "Amazing."
Cowell: "The kids have taken over this show. The song is a hit."
She has the most engaging smile of the competition. It's going to be a close run thing tonight.
Jennifer Lopez
Sadly this was of rather poor quality, and the applause was simply because she is Jennifer Lopez and NOT because it was any good! What an embarrassingly crappy performance of an embarrassingly crappy song.
TMWSC Verdict: 2/10
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