In recent weeks, there have been some laughable and ludicrous problems and responses on the problem page of The Sun. Here are some examples for your amusement.
Dear Deidre
My family mock my boyfriend's accent and call him "sheep shagger" because he's Welsh. I'm 22 and at Uni and he's the best thing about being away from home. I'm from a pokey English village where everyone knows everyone's business and my family think I should go out with somebody from home. I took my boyfriend to visit them but they mocked him all weekend and made jokes about him.
TMWSC Says:
Tell them all they are cunts, and to fuck off. Don't bother taking him there again.
Dear Deidre
I fancy my teenage niece, even though she could be my biological child. I am 43 and started a long-term affair with my brother's girlfriend who's now his wife, 22 years ago. I stopped seeing her about a year after their marriage but I didn't stop loving her. When she announced she was pregnant after their wedding, I wished she could have been with me. I went on to meet a girl and get married but we've never had children and our marriage is run-of-the-mill. I often wondered whether my niece is actually my daughter; the dates add up and she looks a bit like me. She's started at Uni now and lives close by, so we see quite a bit of her. She's 19, a stunning woman and I cannot help but be attracted. She was at our house the other day and I wanted to take her in my arms but I know it's wrong to feel this way. If she were my niece, could we have a relationship?
TMWSC Says:
You thick, sick, deranged cunt! Leave her alone and get help. I feel sorry for your run-of-the-mill wife!
Dear Deidre
I keep dreaming that my boyfriend's cheating on me. I'm 28, he's 29 and we've been together for four years; he's wonderful and I'm sure he'd never really cheat. He tells me he loves me and he'd never hurt me. But I'm always catching him cheating in dreams; it all feels so real. I wake up in the night or in the morning and I feel so angry with him for cheating on me. I tell him and he gets upset that I could even think that. My ex cheated on me and I don't want that again.
Deidre Says:
Dreams don't reflect what is really happening.
TMWSC Says:
You are a pain in the arse - give the guy a break and stop being a twat, or he'll have reason to look elsewhere. As for you, Deidre, you're as bad as she is, with pathetic comments. "Dreams don't reflect what is really happening" is the most pathetic response I could have imagined!
Here is an abbreviated 'problem' just so I can relay the funniest line:
Dear Deidre
My husband has chosen our dogs over me. He says I should leave if I don't like it.
Deidre Says:
It's not surprising that you're at the end of your tether.
Dear Deidre
I can't stop ringing phone-sex TV shows. I have spent hundreds of pounds on this expensive habit. I'm 22 and live alone, and the phone sex is something to do. I'm an outgoing guy and get on well with my male mates, but when I'm in a large group I go silent and don't know what to say. Even in clubs, if I see a girl I like I don't have the confidence to say anything.
Deidre Says:
When you get the urge to phone one of these lines, ring a friend instead or go out. Replace your expensive, embarrassing habit with one that's okay.
TMWSC Says:
Deidre, talk about advice that a cunting chimp could dole out! Fucking amazing input! Sarcasm, of course!
Dear Deidre
My daughter cleans obsessively and I'm worried how she'll cope when she goes to Uni. She's 18 and looking for her own flat, but she's developed all these cleaning rituals and gets upset if anyone disturbs her. It got a grip when we were infested with mice, and her grandma and our pet dog died.
Deidre Says:
She needs proper help for her obsessive compulsive disorder. Tell her GP she badly needs referral for therapy.
TMWSC Says:
Thanks, Deidre - I haven't a fucking clue what we'd do without you !!!!!
Dear Deidre
I am attached to an escort girl and I treat her like a girlfriend. I've been seeing her at least twice a week for a year. I take her to expensive restaurants and often buy her flowers and presents. She often cancels at short notice, probably because she has another punter. Lately she's started refusing me sex, saying she's tired. Is she taking me for granted and messing with my emotions? Is it time I stopped seeing her?
Deidre Says:
Yes. The truth is she's not a real girlfriend and you're paying a hgh price.
TMWSC Says:
Well done, Deidre, you're so fucking switched on!
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