If proof were ever needed that these 'competitions' are fatally flawed, we had it tonight. Andy A and Heidi Range were in the skate-off, after the worst skater (by a massive margin) was saved by the public vote. So, Mark (from Sam and Mark fame - actually, never watched them on TV but understand they are exceedingly popular with the kids) was saved by who knows how many teenage texts. Skating had fuck-all to do with anything, Mark was simply popular enough for votes to come in. So, after eight more contestants appear next week, Mark will be back to annoy and limp through each week because kids like him - fucking farce!
Oi, Christine! Your name is BLEAKLEY. It is not 'pronounced Blakely' as you'd apparently like, via some weird reinventing-of-yourself shit. No way can you escape the bleakness! We certainly can't!
Bleakness asked Robin Cousins a searching question before we got going with the skating, and the response was eye-opening. This is the stuff that Holly Willoughby could only have ever wished she could extract and present to the nation:
Bleakness: What are you hoping to see?
R Cousins: Great performances.
TV gold, eh? What was the best bit of the show? It was Tony Gubba's input of course. Here are some of his descriptive terms - real gems, but I'll keep my ears open for more in the coming weeks.
Rotating Fish Lift
Side Sit Drop & Fly Away
Running Gazelle
Puppet Lift
Dramatic Drapes
Funky Walk
Lemons
Floating Cartwheel
Desperation On Ice returns next Sunday, ITV.
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