There's always someone around who can make a pointless comment. Darren Jones is addicted to Diet Coke (ironic, eh? Diet) and wants to do something about his habit that costs £100 per week for the 74 pints he consumes.
The 35-stone chap said: "I just feel like I'm a big bag of water, I'm so full of fluid. So things need to change in 2012"
A public health spokeswoman said: "I would advise trying to cut down but not stopping suddenly." Well thanks for that, luv - fucking gold!
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Meanwhile, Churchill Home Insurance completed its study, which concluded that £2.5billion of damage will have been done to homes during the festive season (seems a tad high to me?) and on January 1st each year, it gets 68% more claims for accidental damage than on any other typical day.
Spokesman Matt Owen said: "People get clumsy after a few festive tipples." Fucking revelation, that, Matt!
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In a recent article on parling tickets issued by Westminster Council, it was revealed that one Mercedes truck has been issued with 124 tickets, worth over £16,000 in fines. There are other serial offenders, and the Council is owed £48million in all.
Councillor Lee Rowley said: "Drivers who flaunt the rules cause danger to pedestrians and other road users and clog up roads." Well thanks for that, Lee, because I'd never have worked that out for myself! I am so glad you clarified things for me, and had an opportunity to churn out a useless bit of mantra. What do you really think?
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