23.1.12 Dancing On Ice - Wk 3

Thirteen contestants remain - about seven too many.  There's no reason why we shouldn't be hacking to fuck at the line-up, and culling half of them.  Instead, we'll all experience the removal of the extra tacky sticking plaster, over many weeks.  Far better to have a swift removal.

Chemmy is a stupid name.
Charlene did no skating.
Shemmy, Sharleen, Shit.

Mark simply did no skating and deserved to be ejected, to make up for the reprieve he got in week one, which was a travesty.  So, because of the fickle voters, Mark was saved in week one while Andy (who was third on the leader board) went out.  Now Mark has rightly left, but we're stuck with Charlene Stilton!  This was the woman laughingly referred to by Katarina Witt as "Merlin Munroe" - wicked accent and pronunciation, KW!

Tony Gubba was not as prolific with his weird terms this week.  Still, we did get a few:

• The Flying Nun Lift
• The Thinker
• The Reclining Spy
• The Hoover

Corey was quite simply ridiculous, and was saved by arseholes with a phone.  The weakest performance came from Bleakness herself.  Christine Beakey was pointlessly employed to make useless comments and gain shit input from the competitors and judges.  She needlessly prompted the judges, and stuck the microphone in the faces of the contestants for nauseating and useless input at regular intervals.  I believe she'd be better off asking random women in the street if they might like to try Andrex Washlets to wipe their arses and cunts, than pissing about on the edge of an ice rink.

By the way, the title is 'Dancing On Ice', not 'Dancing just to the side of the ice and wasting as much time as possible before getting on to the fucking Ice'.  This week was especially annoying; we've long since realised that useless skaters fuck about for 30 seconds without moving from the start position, but to give them an excuse to do the same off the ice beforehand is a stupid idea.

Desperation On Ice returns on Sunday.

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