England squad:
Goalkeepers - Joe Hart, Robert Green, Jack Butland.Defenders - Leighton Baines, Martin Kelly, Ashley Cole, Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, Joleon Lescott, John Terry, Phil Jagielka.
Midfielders - Stewart Downing, Steven Gerrard (captain), Jordan Henderson, James Milner, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young.
Strikers - Andy Carroll, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck.
Let's all agree first off that goalkeeping is hardly much of an issue. Whether your name is Roy Hodgson, Catweasel or Rumplestiltskin, you'd have chosen Joe Hart plus two fairly irrelevant others.
In defence, we have Baines, who most of the time is okay. Gary Cahill is now crocked, so Martin Kelly has been called up. Obviously there can be no turning back by Roy, after his "I'm going to make a point" approach to Rio Ferdinand. How the hell he can sleep at night having included John Terry over Ferdinand, and now to deny him again by going for Kelly as Cahill's replacement is inexplicable. John Terry, as we have established numerous times, ought to be in solitary confinement, not on a football pitch wearing an England shirt. Glen Johnson is sometimes quite good, but more commonly shit. Hang on, he plays for the mightily successful Liverpool team (that's sarcasm, folks). Jones and Lescott will do, as will Jagielka.
Stewart Downing? Hang on, he plays for the mightily successful Liverpool team (that's sarcasm, folks) and has managed no goals and no assists all season. Excellent credentials for an England shirt.
Steven Gerrard? Hang on, he plays for the mightily successful Liverpool team (that's sarcasm, folks) and has struggled like hell to make his mark for ages now. Yes, he is 'passionate' and is a fugurehead etc, but - he's nowhere near as good as he used to be.
Jordan Henderson? Hang on, he plays for the mightily successful Liverpool team (that's sarcasm, folks) and has struggled to make anything happen as part of the Downing-Carroll-Henderson trio that set Liverpool back a combined £75 million. Frank Lampard is injured, although I was undecided about him anyway. Meanwhile, James Milner is the donkey of the squad; generally quite useful, but never sparkling; generally average, never astounding. On that basis, it's unsurprising then for him to be in an England shirt!
Oxlade-Chamberlain is okay, and whether he scores or not, I do like seeing a player have the confidence to run forward and attack, and spend rather less time passing backwards and sideways, which is the curse of the modern game and creating fucking triangles for the sake of it. Walcott was, once upon a time, of a similar disposition to O-C. He does retain some of those qualities, but we never seem to see him make the best use of his speed. Okay as a sub.
Scott Parker will run a lot, and link up with everyone on the field. I am not sure that he ever gets any decent results, but he does seem to have an immense work rate, so I'll give him a nod [but please don't get sent off, Scott, through your eagerness to challenge].
Ashley Young? No, this lightweight is only ever a goalscorer through some luck, whether poor defending helps him out, or a lucky flick results in a goal. He is not good enough. Of course, an opponent sneezing will make him hit the deck and claim a penalty or free-kick. Diver!
Andy Carroll? Hang on, he plays for the mightily successful Liverpool team (that's sarcasm, folks) and has struggled like hell to make his mark for ages now. Liverpool paid £35million for this bloke, and must be miffed that it was a bad deal. How, then, does he get a place in an England team?
Wayne Rooney - not available for two games because of his own stupidity. Has everyone forgotten why the depleted national side is in a tight spot? If we don't get past the group stage, his past actions and resultant ban will become a talking point again. Meanwhile Welbeck is joining in, and I don't mind seeing a newcomer have a go. Defoe is only good at nicking a goal as a sub.
So, the above is the cream of English talent and will represent the country at Euro 2012. I give us little chance of doing well, especially with such a large Liverpool contingent. I envisage pain/agony/angst/frustration gripping all viewers, and a realisation that what should be classified as 'disbelief' will actually be so believable. The word 'disappointed' will be banded about, along with 'disappointment', 'disappoint' and 'disappointing'. Bring it on!
England to win - 14/1 [Coral]
England to win - 140/1 [TMWSC]
Quotes after each England game - any three from the following - Evens:
"We need to pick ourselves up" (Roy)
"There are some positives to take from the game" (Roy)
"We're very disappointed not to have come away with more" (Roy)
"We need to concentrate on the next game and make sure we do better" (Roy)
"We still have a chance and we'll be working very hard to take it" (Roy)
"Yes, it was very unfortunate" (Roy)
"No I don't regret bringing John Terry" (Roy)
"You can't legislate for that sort of thing" (Roy)
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