This week on terrestrial television [excluding Channel 5, where worse fodder has been served up] we have been bombarded with 30 hours and 20 minutes of cooking. Whether it's been baking, dining with me, Masterchef shit or being a hungry sailor, cookery has dominated. Channel 4 is king, with just under twelve hours, but the BBC1 offering of ten hours was complimented by BBC2's further three-and-a-half hours. Surely (please!!!) there is some sort of limit on what we can be expected to endure by way of cuntin' food programmes.
TV adverts are pushing, yet again, the 5-a-day mantra. It might be worth considering a change in tactics here, and instead of encouraging consumption of 5-a-day in terms of fruit and veg, it's 5-a-day by way of abstention from shit, whether cream cakes, cokes, crisps or Subway helpings. This would do far more to improve the health of the nation. What's the point of some twat eating meat and three veg, a smoothie and a banana if he/she then stuffs a pizza, chips, cakes and sweets, plus two beers and seven vodka red bulls???
The national sport of the British (sofa buying, for anyone who is unaware) has just been improved upon as a pursuit, by CSL's launch of a new 'ap'. It allows a purchaser to see how a sofa might look in the living room before actually ordering. What a fantastic development and cracking use of technology! Bollocks!
Apparently temperatures are animate objects, capable of feelings/emotions/actions. I say this because I have come to learn, through the details relayed by weather presenters* that they quite often try hard but don't find it easy. You'll appreciate what I mean when I quote the simple line, that "temperatures will struggle today". Yes, apparently they are occasionally unable to attain great feats and they struggle, like a bound and gagged presenter, to do anything even approaching average. Sorry, that's not fair; presenters struggle to achieve anything approaching 'average' even when they're not bound and gagged.
* The asterisk was needed above, so I'd have the chance to explain that I was unable to use the word 'forecasters'. There was a time, long ago, when those advising us on matters weather-related were qualified to do so, and actually did enlighten us on what was likely to happen. These days, the 'presenters' have no fucking idea what the difference is between an occluded front and a clued up cunt. As for 'forecasting', they spend the first minute of any transmission telling us how the weather has been in various places - fucking pointless, that!
How is it that Stoke City Football Club manages to get away with institutional foul play at the highest level? To describe the team as 'physical' is an understatement. I would say that 'wrestling' is a better terms to describe the efforts of Stoke defenders, when trying to stop attackers from scoring. Stoke City footballers manage to grapple their way towards results that keep them at an artificially high position in the Premiership.
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