Can someone please explain the following to me, as I am struggling to understand what sort of standards are now in place (any?) and the CIC are sending out a strange message - not to mention the US government.
Lorna Simpson
Like many, I've read the papers and have seen the photo showing Lorna posing with a shotgun. Sure, it was "when she was a teenager in Jamaica" [which probably means 19 and 10 months], so does that mean it doesn't count then? When she was married to a cocaine dealer, was she really dreaming of singing and of votes arriving via text from other teenagers looking up to her? Maybe not, which could thus explain her appearance in a low budget 'porn' film in May. None of this really changes her singing ability, but the programme title suggests the winner needs something just a bit more - the X-Factor - and maybe there's been a shift in what we want the 'X' to stand for. The CIC certainly think so.
Rough Copy
Kazeem Ajobe is no stranger to controversy, having had a trial run last year and pulled out of X-Factor. This time around, as part of the trio, he again came unstuck because of "visa issues" - a slightly damage limitation phrase put out by the CIC to explain his inability to travel to the USA for the Judges' Houses stage of the competition. It turns out that the USA has rather more rigid (and many would argue more appropriate) control of its borders than the limp-brained and limp-wristed Britain. As a result, the USA is of the opinion that someone with a conviction for assault, and then affray a year later after another fight/brawl. I am not sure if the 2010 caution for cannabis possession was relevant but I suspect that didn't help much.
It seems standards have dropped sufficiently for him to be invited back to the competition by Gary Barlow (or the CIC) and I don't see how that makes any sense. The duo warbled enough to get through to the live finals [easier than managing a Rubiks Cube, if you're a 'group' in X-Factor] and so according to Barlow's criteria, didn't need to have back the bloke that will stop them going to the USA next time as well. However, let's hope there's no deviation from one of the other two, Sterling; it would be a shame if he was in any way influenced by two cousins who are serving life for gangland execution. It's not his fault he's related to them - however, having a father who is in jail for a string of burglaries is a bit too close for comfort though. Still, the CIC are prepared to overlook so much these days.
Tamera Foster
So the apparent favourite has made some headline for the wrong reasons. As already posted by me, there are some rather unsavoury elements to this girl's make-up, and I don't mean the mascara. A police caution last year for attacking someone at a train station was surely something that should have led the CIC to be rather careful about promoting and endorsing her? Is Tamera lucky that the Judges' Houses stage didn't involve flying to the USA (and the resultant 'visa issues') or was she simply lucky to have been only fifteen when caught? Rather luckier, I suggest, than the poor girl who was on the receiving end. Tamera has apparently never apologised to Holly Wilks, the sixteen-year-old victim who was kicked and punched. Tamera has of course said she's sorry to the newspapers, no doubt encouraged to do so by the CIC. Apparently responsibility for the attack was not full, as Tamera claims she was 'high'. Oh, that's all right then, is it? WTF!
All this came to light after the boasting on Twitter and Facebook about smoking cannabis and 'zoom'. I am quite sure that she really does "want to move on". After ruining Holly's chances of living a normal life after the beating, it seems awful that Holly has to watch Tamera parading on TV, and coming out with: "I don't want anything to get in the way of me achieving my dream." I'm sure you don't. And it seems that the CIC are prepared to overlook your past.
Cheryl Tweedy
How does Cheryl manage to come and go as she pleases, then? Surely her conviction for assault has caused some 'visa issues' then? We all know she punched a toilet attendant in the face in 2003, so surely the criminal record had consequences? Seems not. Maybe Cheryl's example has been noted by Tamera, who sees her as a role model. Meanwhile, we are all supposed to forget that the CIC make exceptions whenever they want to.
[ CIC = Cunts In Charge ]
The Results
I can now move on to other things, as the criminality amongst the rest of the hopefuls extends to little more than OTT crying (Hannah Barrett) assuming that serving pies is not yet illegal. I refrain from counting some of yesterday's singing performances as 'criminal' because it's the first week, and they are allowed to be nervous and shit. In my comments yesterday, there was little that was complimentary for very good reason. The "averageness" was ubiquitous, with only Sam (Bailey, NOT Callahan) and Nicholas truly standing out from the pack, with quirky Abi toying with that notion.
Shelly Smith should of course never have got through to the live finals, and it's only because there are four judges that twelve make it. I think the CIC should switch to picking a couple each, giving us eight in the finals - and saving us Xtra pain. So, making it to be one of the dregs, via the "Flash Vote" was inevitable for the karaoke singer who surely no one took seriously.
The recap was painful, after O'Dreary introduced the 'highlights' of last night. Ellie Goulding managed to provide a wimpish performance, and what must surely be her most formulaic load of tosh ever. Burn - yep, that would be good, or should that be 'gould'. With a good voice, she should be singing something better than this. A let-down, luv. Don't believe anything that Dermot O'Dreary might say. The backing music was reminiscent of Olive - far better than this effort. He gave the 5-minute warning, and I wondered whether to boil an egg with time to spare, or eat my own brain. I opted for finding another lager and wishing that we were all five weeks further on in this agonising process.
Cher arrived, and I was instantly demoted to a lower register. Why does she sing like a bloke sucking a gobstopper? She has the legs of a tranny and the charisma of a squirrel - not sure whether she has any nuts but I have suspicions. Truly awful, and a saddle would disappear if she sat on a horse.
So, after yet another advert break (after news of the pathetic competition) it is 37 minutes into the results programme before we get a sniff of any fucking progress towards a result! 'In no particular order' was another way of confirming 'no one gives a shit' and we were fed the ones saved. Hannah gesticulated as though she was about to enter the ring for tag-team wrestling! Nicole Shitsinger just looked pissed off for most of the ordeal. Fuck knows how Ropy Cough were saved. Luke got through last, to leave Lorna Simpson to sing against Shelley in the sing-off. Both ought to be going, so no preference here.
Shelley managed not to pronounce properly a single fucking syllable in the head-to-head warble. The pain was severe, and I at least reveled in Sharon Osbourne's loss of a contestant. One Night Only was one cunting night too many for Shelley Smith! Dire; go home.
Bazooka Joe, aka Lorna Simpson, was up next wearing slacks and a Christmas jumper, singing a slow ballad about 'in my dreams' and other such bollocks. I have no idea what it was called, but it was impossible for it to have been worse than Shelley's shite.
Sharon Osbourne looked uglier than a moose's turd as she deliberated for one quarter of a second before abstaining. Waste of fucking space! Elf said: "Dermot, two brilliant singers." What a nob you are, Louis, and you insist on proving it time and time again. Sending home Lorna was a mad choice, as if I give a shit. TTT opted to send home Shelley. 'Good Job' waffled like a twat for a while before sending home Lorna.
What a load of bollocks; the 'X' is looking like standing for 'Cunt'. This is so bad it's wonderful.
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