4.1.13 Baby On Board

I have long struggled with the signs that many motorists insist on sticking to the inside windows, announcing that offspring are 'on board'.  I do not propose to argue the point that 'on board' is a completely pathetic term to use because some little person or other is occupying one of the car seats.  I do not propose to argue because there's nothing to argue about - it's an inappropriate term.  I do not propose to argue against the pathetic adoption by parents of signs that refer to a 'Princess' being on board, as if that makes anyone following behind drive any more respectfully.  I do not propose to argue because there's nothing to argue about - these references are fucking pathetic.

Instead, I will limit my comments to the basis for any sign at all.  There can be just a single reason that might mildly (very fucking mildly) be relevant.  Generally, the contents of a car (human) are completely irrelevent, and whether the vehicle is full of cunts, knights of the realm, or a tosser chewing gum and pretending to be Knight Rider, it serves no purpose to advertise who's inside.  The only circumstance I can think of where it could (at a push) be helpful is if in an accident, rescuers could have some idea as to whether a small occupant of the vehicle has been jettisoned over a nearby hedge or is still underneath the front seat.  Rescuers could then make sure no one misses out on treatment and/or is left behind.  For this to be the case, it would be necessary for all emergency services staff and good samaritans to take notice of such signs, assuming they are not hidden in a pile of shattered glass and/or are illegible.  I fear this is hardly the case, and I don't believe ambulance staff will crawl round a camper van looking for a 'Cheeky Monkey' underneath a squashed surf board, or a baby under the bonnet on the strength of a 'Baby On Board' sign affixed to glass meaning there must be one somewhere.  So, the signs are really meaningless.  However, the presence of a sign does throw some doubt on the matter, and there could be a concern at an accident scene.

So, I suggest, therefore, that it should be an offence to drive a vehicle displaying such a sign when there is in fact no child on board, no baby on board, no princess on board and no monkey on board.  This is blatant misrepresentation.  I reckon 3pts on a licence is reasonable.

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