Birds of a Feather
Why? Please can someone attempt to explain why the hell this claptrap has been resuscitated? It was nice and snug in its canister/grave for the last fifteen years, and never has the phrase "let sleeping dogs lie" been more appropriate. Eight half-hour episodes of unfunny shite now have to be avoided. Another faux-fuckin-pas by ITV.
Nesbitt
James Nesbitt nauseated like a nuisance while in Ireland earlier this year, relaying his jaunts and experiences for our displeasure. The grinding accent added antagonistic annoyance to the whole fucking affair, and the ubiquity of JN was pushed to the limit. River Deep Mountain High: James Nesbitt In New Zealand was another 60 minutes on ITV that I had to avoid on Christmas Day. Luckily there were distractions that made this quite feasible. Where will he pop up next. Hopefully they didn't but him a ticket back here and it'll be a while before I see him. Sadly he does voice-overs, and prolifically!
Advertising Bollocks
I watched and listened to a twat on TV talking about "Spectacular Savings" in some sale or other. This makes no fucking sense at all as a 'saving' cannot be 'spectacular'. It might be big, or useful or significant - but not spectacular.
Spectacular (adjective): "beautiful in a dramatic and eye catching way"
Useless cunts continue to dumb down everything and feed shit to the masses.
4Music
I watched a film yesterday that happened to be on 4Music (for some inexplicable reason) and was annoyed throughout. Not specifically by the annoying fucking logo in the top left hand corner of the screen; I've long since come to expect that the cunts in charge of channels are obsessed with reminding me not of what I'm watching but what cunting frequency the TV is tuned to. My annoyance came from two directions, as I watched So I Married An Axe Murderer. The first was that not content with obliterating a proportion of the screen with the standard log, the CIC of the channel decided I needed the distraction of some very small snowflakes fluttering just behind it, every ten seconds. FUCK! Further grief came from the top right hand corner of the screen, inhabited by swirly white writing saying: Happy Holidays. For cunting fuck's sake! What is the point of that? Also, it was fucking Friday night - I was NOT on cunting holiday! So somewhere between the logo and fluttering snow, and a pathetic and inappropriate greeting that was meaningless, I tried to watch the film. Fuck off, 4Music. Maybe a new logo is in order (?)
Nigella Niggles
How are we supposed to take Nigella Lawson seriously now? We're not. I think her latest series called The Taste would be better named The Scream, or I Scream. I have absolutely no wish at all to see her prancing and poncing around a kitchen and preening and preparing stuff. Fuck off.
The Cube: Celebrity Special
Question: Is there anything that Denise Welch won't appear on? Answer: No. ITV has decided to air a 'celebrity' version of the painful and pointless programme, The Cu** tonight. This rarely provides any real entertainment because idiots lose too many lives early on, and are therefore in no position to gamble on a further round when only having two or three lives remaining. I saw a rerun on a 2009 edition the other day (typical shit from ITV late at night) and the greedy childminder who wanted to win £10,000 to buy herself a 2-seater sports car to go with her existing vehicle [she had a 7-seater 'tank', apparently] was able to waste fifteen minutes of my life while obtaining £10,000 to fuck off and a buy a second hand car. This twat had started with nine lives and after the first game was down to four lives left and only £1,000 in her pocket. Please, ITV - can you at least invite participants who are not greedy, or fat, or cunts. As for the celebrity versions - no need.
Cilla Black
Yet again ITV takes the cuntish and lazy option of sticking a repeat on the afternoon schedule; today at 2.35pm for ninety minutes, The One and Only Cillit Bang. For fuck's sake!
Comic Relief
Tomorrow there's a programme called Comic Relief 2013: 100 Million Laughs. Sad this reminiscing for an hour is well titled, as I read recently that the charity has around £100milliom in the fucking bank. I suppose it does need to hoard money while playing on consciences to gain more money in, because the charity's running costs are now £17million per year. In other words, folks, the first £17million donated will do absolutely fucking nothing to help anyone except the employees, and those entities which provide offices and other services to this organisation. Hmmmm . . . I'll be giving nowt until the people running the show decide to be rather more open and honest about the finances, and the strategy.
Potter
Sadly I refer not to the Arthur Lowe series of years ago (which was infinitely better than the topic now) but instead to Harry Potter, which according to ITcuntinV is the Holy Grail of entertainment, considering its ludicrous overdoing of forcing the shit upon us. Not content with the OTT hogging/hogwarting of the schedules over the last few weeks, the New Year's Day line up includes not just the second part of the Deathly Hallows, but a REPEAT (lasting 2 fucking hours) of the 50 Greatest Harry Potter Moments earlier in the day. ITV - you are shit!
[CIC = Cunts In Charge]
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