Well, who would have thought that Sam would make the final and be the overwhelming favourite to win? Only every fucker watching over the last ten weeks! There are fears that this year's final will be boring, dull and pointless; well-founded fears as far as I am concerned, and rather in keeping with Gary Barlow's general output on the show.
"Ha! Two million, Shazza, for fuck all!"
Sharon was taking her turn to be a wimp last weekend, failing to decide who the save between Rough Copy and Luke Friend. Going to 'deadlock' was the path of least resistance and most certainly a means of making Gary Barlow's pulse go up from 25 bpm to 35 beats. It led to Luke beating his rough rabble, which was no bad think at all, even if Sharon proved herself an expensive waste of space. Mrs Mop was most definitely a flop and apparently she was upset after the show last Sunday and shut herself in her dressing room, refusing to see anyone. I wish she'd adopt this policy during the hours of the fucking show, not afterwards! Let's hope Simon Cowell sees sense and dispenses with her (non-existent) services, saving the best part of £2M in the process.
The three wailers (who most definitely were short of a Bob Marley) have told of their own fears for the final, and how it is going to be boring with three solo singers. Fucking cheek! However, there is most certainly comedic value in Kazeem's waffle:
"Next week people will be like, 'Where are Rough Copy?' It'll feel weird."
Actually, Kazeem, people won't be asking that question at all, and nothing about your absence will feel weird - more likely that there will be a general sense of well-being now that you're not on stage, wailing and jumping. He apparently said more:
"We would have brought madness and energy. We planned to fly from the ceiling and rollerskate on stage. The performances were going to be amazing - dance routines, energy, everything to show everyone this is a stage to be performed on."
Piss off - it's not Billy Smart's Circus, for fuck's sake. You've missed out one key element, and I think that's a slight clue as to why you're thankfully not going to get the chance to shovel that shit in our direction - the ability to sing well.
So, what will we be served up this weekend? Sam winning, and most probably Nicholas claiming second, with Luke leaving as the 3rd place contestant. There is a possibility that Luke's last minute surge in popularity might make it a close run thing for 2nd place, but it's a slim one. I expect little in the way of entertainment, and fear for the future of X-Factor unless there's some radical shaking-up. The format is tired and the judges are in need of some radical attention - ejection! Nicole is simply annoying as cunting fuck. When she first joined in, she was good but it's been downhill all the way, and she's lost all sense, and thinks she's so fantastic. Osbourne never had anything to offer, and belongs in a jumble sale queue. Gary Barlow (alias Thomas The Tank Engine) is ending his time as a judge, and thank God because I have not been able to cope with his manic approach, enthusiasm and energy.
Poor old Louis - he always was and always will be an Elf, and ever so tiny / Irish / useless / predictable / conditioned / ineffective / irrelevant / harmless*. It's possibly curtains for him after this, his tenth year. He's suggested it's his final appearance but I am not so sure.
[ * Delete none of them ]
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