Nicholas (a bit weak) and Sam (a bit predictable) were okay - and simply did what was expected of them. Nothing to write home about. Tamera was able to remember the words of a Rihanna song (all ten of them) and we learned from Louis that she's only 16. YAWN. I will never buy an album released by any of them.
Luke wailed at the microphone about Skinny Love, and confirmed no real talent or vocal interest; I need the album only to level up the mild deficit on the length of one of my table legs in the front room, otherwise it will (subject to local council confirmation of recycling arrangements) be in the blue bin.
Nicole has had a haircut but unfortunately not a brain transplant. Louis never had one (a brain) in the first place. "Potato."
Rough Copy rounded off the first round of performances with a tuneless load of shite and I felt that this year's X-Factor is the most mediocre melee of crap that I could have expected. The vocals of Rough Copy are rough as hell. So, let's hope that the second song from each of them is worth bothering to listen to.
Nicole has proved she's on something - possibly drugs but equally likely is Jelly Tots and vodka. Louis questioned the vocals of Rough Copy for good reason. Mrs O lost the plot in 1989, so her weirdness is to be expected. Barlow managed to be so two-faced it defied any laws of the universe.
Ding-Ding, Round 2
Nicholas managed to fuck up a Gary Barlow song by having no real ability to hit the notes. Still, he's only 17.
Mrs O apparently felt the passion, as well as the effects of a quadruple Tia Maria. Gary thought he did "really well" and Nicole referred to him as "pumpkin" before saying "shamazing". Some might say she's a "sha-stupid cunt!" Elf said Nicholas reminded him of a young Gary Barlow.
Sam sang Clown, and was a nice change from Emeli Sande. "You look relevant," said Louis - what a compliment from an irrelevant bloke.
After the break, Dermotitis managed to include tweets from Ed Cunting Balls and Rio Fucking Ferdinand! How totally pathetic - why do their views count let alone be judged worthy of mention? Next up was Luke, or "Looooook Friend" as the announcer said, by way of introduction. Luke managed to wail again, and sound average, if rather noisy.
"Great balls of fire - with some hair on them." Nicole, have a 17th dose of whatever it is you take, and then fuck off.
Tamera was awarded one of the best songs ever written, and I was sceptical as to her ability to do it justice. Luckily for her she managed to do it okay for the most part, and reclaimed some kudos - even though the whole week has been about 'fixing' things for her. Someone (Cowell) wants her to win. Louis confirmed this by saying she is "relevant". Nicole talked bollocks - some might say "stupid cunt."
Rough Copy believed they could fly (on an individual basis, as each one sang "I Believe I can Fly") and I conceded the point, even though they would be doing so for just five seconds after being nudged from a fifth storey window. Louis confirmed that they'd be in the final, along with every other act! "If Carlsberg made contestants . . ." said Gary, by way of compliment for hard work; unfortunately he omitted the next line, which would/should have been: " . . then you'd have been bypassed and nudged from a fifth storey window." I almost expected Dermotitis to say: "Other lagers are available."
What a totally uninspiring show.
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