After my earlier preliminary post, it's straight into the singing - or lack of it. Marks out of 5, as usual. I will try to avoid commenting on the overuse [to a ludicrous level] of the word 'amazing' by every fucker involved. This is allegedly the'final' but that's really tomorrow.
Nicholas McDonald 1
Well of all the sit songs that the could have chosen, he chose one of the shittiest in circulation, the truly awful Candy by Robbie Williams. The song simply did not suit him at all, and the mess that surrounded him on stage was embarrassingly dire. The vocals were 'questionable' and what amazed me was that whilst I expected Louis 'The Elf' Walsh to stand up, Osbourne and Shitsinger were on their feet as well!
Osbourne: "That was just like a giant Willy Wonka Factory. It's no time to critique, I just want to say I'm happy you're here." [Talking shit and not earning your £2M, Sharon]
Gary: "Truthfully, it didn't suit your voice. I hope your duet is better than that." [Ah, a bit of accuracy and honesty from a judge!]
Shitsinger: "That was quite a tripping experience; bizarre. You started out as my Scottish lamb and you've ended up as my Scottish lion." [You started off Sher-shit and ended up She-fucking-mad!]
Elf = predictable twattish comment.
Caroline Flack interlude, providing inanity of a flacking awful standard.
Sam Bailey 3
Not half as good as we've come to expect from Sam. The song is of course rather weak and so very repetitive. I got the feeling from the content that Sam was "on the edge, the edge of glory" somewhere. Not really very good, luv, although the competition is not high tonight.
Gary: "That's how to use a song to showcase your voice; incredible." [Calm down, Barlow, it was not of the standard that your OTT comments suggested.]
Shitsinger: "You sang the pants off of that song. You are Sha-mazing honey. You're just a beast and a force to be reckoned with. I feel you every time.]
Elf: "You've got a world class recording voice. You are Sam-tastic."
Osbourne: "Forget girl power, it's about woman power."
Dermot: "That was awesome; cuff me." [So tempted to oblige, Dermot, and maybe some quick-setting concrete as well]
Caroline Flack interlude, providing inanity of a flacking awful standard. She asked one of two Leicester City footballers to comment and he did so in the predictable and useless way that any post-match interview is given by a footballer. Pointless.
Luke Friend 1
Simply awful, because it started with woeful singing and then turned into awful shouting, and a direct competition with the people providing the noisy music. Disappointing and overall, just as bad as Nicholas.
Osbourne: "You've come a long way, little boy." [Not very helpful or constructive, Sharon]
Gary: "The verses were a little bit too low for your voice, but in the chorus you started to sing. I hope people vote based on the choruses."
Shitsinger: "Your uniqueness speaks volumes." [The deranged woman has lost the plot, wailing and shouting and drawling more than Luke!]
Elf: "Devon, please lift your phones."
Caroline Flack interlude, providing inanity of a flacking awful standard.
Round Two
Luke Friend & Ellie Goulding 3.5
Okay. I think Ellie's voice simply removed the annoyance of Luke's wailing. Together they made an acceptable noise.
Nicholas McDonald & Shane Filan 3.5
Predictable boy band noises from the pair of them. Nothing that I would ever buy, of course. A bit like anaglypta wallpaper - okay in the background but doesn't bear any real inspection or scrutiny.
Sam Bailey & Nicole Scherzinger 5
Well, this just proves that Shitsinger can sing so much better than she can judge. She was much better than Sam! No idea what the problem was with the talking over the performance. I reckon someone left a microphone on.
Dermot: "Lines will be open for a little time shorter." [Hmmm - think you meant 'longer', Dermot]
This is indeed going to be mildly interesting after all, because whilst Sam will win, there is not a lot between the other two, so the battle for 2nd and 3rd is the one to cause some wonder, if you can be bothered.
Then we were subjected to some noise from past contestants, for no good reason at all. The reminiscing was a chance for us to remember just how poor Wagner's singing was. Nevertheless, it is a fact that some of the characters competing in years gone by were far more interesting than the ones this year. Sadly there is little reason to shout at the TV these days, or be very bothered about things.
Dermot gave us the five minute warning, and I rushed - not to vote, but to put the kettle on. After the break, he confirmed the vote was 'frozen'. Then I heard The Killers from the kitchen. They weren't really very good - well the first song wasn't, as the vocals were weak. The second song was noisier and little better. Time for yet another break!
The Result of the 'real semi-final' and thus who will be in the final tomorrow
The irony is not lost on me, and I concede the point that the best singing tonight from anyone involved (ie. the contestants and all the guests) came from Nicole 'Shitsinger' Scherzinger. "Good job."
Sam was first through, so as expected, the two chaps were head to head. Nicholas made it, and Luke had to be pleased with third place. I think he is a nice chap, stands out a bit with an individual approach, but his singing needs to get a fair bit better. He's done well to get to this stage.
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