29.12.13 Esquire Award

I see that the US edition of Esquire magazine has racked its metaphorical brain and decided on a winner for its Best Dressed Man of the Year 2013. Unbelievably and completely stupidly, the winner is the Pope.

Now, I am not saying the guy doesn't look smart, but come on . . . . he basically wears a fucking uniform!  How on earth can he be awarded a prize for basically being Pope.  The outfits he wears have a generally religious theme, and are predominantly white.  So how the fuck does this allow any assessment?  To claim that he has a sense of style is preposterous.  If he is indeed the winner, then I suggest that in second place, just pipped by Pope Francis, was Boss Hogg who is also very keen on white.

I suggest that Boss Hogg is rather more stylish than the Pope, and should at least get a mention, and perhaps a photo shoot would be appropriate for the magazine.  In third place behind Boss Hogg must surely have been David Emanuel, based on the criterion of "wear white".

So, folks; there you have it.  If The Pope gets first place, then Boss Hogg and David Emanuel must surely be in second and third!

Just to underline the stupidity of people, here's a quote from Mary Lisa Gavenas, who is apparently the author of The Fairchild Encyclopedia of Menswear [me neither] -

"Pope Francis understands that menswear is meant to express the character of the man wearing the clothes."

What complete fucking nonsense.  Hmmmm . . . I suspect this chap who wears white (historically rather a Papal choice) and carries a crucifix and beads around, is probably expressing a character of being fucking Pope.  On that basis, he qualifies magnificently under Ms Gavenas's guidelines.  Next year I expect a Traffic Warden to be nominated.  Any bloke in such a job will be wearing the standard attire and will be instantly recognisable.  The 'character' being expressed by the uniform is one that is rather well known to most.

I hope the Pope can cope [with soap on a rope - sorry, I just had to continue with the rhyme] with this accolade.  Seeing him wrapped up in the photo above makes me think that I've overlooked perhaps the most obvious contender for the award this year.

...

28.12.13 That's Not Entertainment

Birds of a Feather

Why?  Please can someone attempt to explain why the hell this claptrap has been resuscitated?  It was nice and snug in its canister/grave for the last fifteen years, and never has the phrase "let sleeping dogs lie" been more appropriate. Eight half-hour episodes of unfunny shite now have to be avoided.  Another faux-fuckin-pas by ITV.


Nesbitt

James Nesbitt nauseated like a nuisance while in Ireland earlier this year, relaying his jaunts and experiences for our displeasure.  The grinding accent added antagonistic annoyance to the whole fucking affair, and the ubiquity of JN was pushed to the limit.  River Deep Mountain High: James Nesbitt In New Zealand was another 60 minutes on ITV that I had to avoid  on Christmas Day.  Luckily there were distractions that made this quite feasible.  Where will he pop up next.  Hopefully they didn't but him a ticket back here and it'll be a while before I see him.  Sadly he does voice-overs, and prolifically!


Advertising Bollocks

I watched and listened to a twat on TV talking about "Spectacular Savings" in some sale or other.  This makes no fucking sense at all as a 'saving' cannot be 'spectacular'.  It might be big, or useful or significant - but not spectacular.

Spectacular (adjective): "beautiful in a dramatic and eye catching way"

Useless cunts continue to dumb down everything and feed shit to the masses.


4Music

I watched a film yesterday that happened to be on 4Music (for some inexplicable reason) and was annoyed throughout.  Not specifically by the annoying fucking logo in the top left hand corner of the screen; I've long since come to expect that the cunts in charge of channels are obsessed with reminding me not of what I'm watching but what cunting frequency the TV is tuned to.  My annoyance came from two directions, as I watched So I Married An Axe Murderer.  The first was that not content with obliterating a proportion of the screen with the standard log, the CIC of the channel decided I needed the distraction of some very small snowflakes fluttering just behind it, every ten seconds.  FUCK!  Further grief came from the top right hand corner of the screen, inhabited by swirly white writing saying: Happy Holidays.  For cunting fuck's sake! What is the point of that?  Also, it was fucking Friday night - I was NOT on cunting holiday!  So somewhere between the logo and fluttering snow, and a pathetic and inappropriate greeting that was meaningless, I tried to watch the film.  Fuck off, 4Music.  Maybe a new logo is in order (?)

Nigella Niggles

How are we supposed to take Nigella Lawson seriously now?  We're not.  I think her latest series called The Taste would be better named The Scream, or I Scream.  I have absolutely no wish at all to see her prancing and poncing around a kitchen and preening and preparing stuff.  Fuck off.


The Cube: Celebrity Special

Question: Is there anything that Denise Welch won't appear on? Answer: No. ITV has decided to air a 'celebrity' version of the painful and pointless programme, The Cu** tonight.  This rarely provides any real entertainment because idiots lose too many lives early on, and are therefore in no position to gamble on a further round when only having two or three lives remaining.  I saw a rerun on a 2009 edition the other day (typical shit from ITV late at night) and the greedy childminder who wanted to win £10,000 to buy herself a 2-seater sports car to go with her existing vehicle [she had a 7-seater 'tank', apparently] was able to waste fifteen minutes of my life while obtaining £10,000 to fuck off and a buy a second hand car.  This twat had started with nine lives and after the first game was down to four lives left and only £1,000 in her pocket. Please, ITV - can you at least invite participants who are not greedy, or fat, or cunts. As for the celebrity versions - no need.


Cilla Black

Yet again ITV takes the cuntish and lazy option of sticking a repeat on the afternoon schedule; today at 2.35pm for ninety minutes, The One and Only Cillit Bang.  For fuck's sake!


Comic Relief

Tomorrow there's a programme called Comic Relief 2013: 100 Million Laughs.  Sad this reminiscing for an hour is well titled, as I read recently that the charity has around £100milliom in the fucking bank.  I suppose it does need to hoard money while playing on consciences to gain more money in, because the charity's running costs are now £17million per year.  In other words, folks, the first £17million donated will do absolutely fucking nothing to help anyone except the employees, and those entities which provide offices and other services to this organisation.  Hmmmm . . . I'll be giving nowt until the people running the show decide to be rather more open and honest about the finances, and the strategy.


Potter

Sadly I refer not to the Arthur Lowe series of years ago (which was infinitely better than the topic now) but instead to Harry Potter, which according to ITcuntinV is the Holy Grail of entertainment, considering its ludicrous overdoing of forcing the shit upon us.  Not content with the OTT hogging/hogwarting of the schedules over the last few weeks, the New Year's Day line up includes not just the second part of the Deathly Hallows, but a REPEAT (lasting 2 fucking hours) of the 50 Greatest Harry Potter Moments earlier in the day.  ITV - you are shit!

[CIC = Cunts In Charge]

...

28.12.13 Co-operative Deal of the Day

I have just seen examples of the most ludicrous pricing policy that ever existed, associated with goods supposedly "marked down" through the application of orange stickers.

I kid you not - the cunt with the pricing gun has obviously had a lobotomy before arriving at work.  The appropriateness of the new 'lower' prices shown on orange stickers is rather more than debatable!  The following two items were observed in the 'bargain basket' by the checkouts.

Deal of the Day - Runner Up

Prince's Tuna Steaks in Sunflower Oil - 4 Pack

WAS:  £3.99    NOW:  £3.95   A penny off per cuntin can!


Deal of the Day - Winner

Hellman's Mayonnaise Light

WAS:  £2.19   NOW:  £2.18   One fucking pence!


  The Co-operative  Shit With Food  

...

26.12.12 Harry Potter and the Half-Baked Potato

Enough is enough!  Potter overload has reached a crescendo in the last week or two.  Worse than the inordinate amount of time devoted to this crap by ITV is the further abuse through the annoying hour-long programmes ahead of the film, to cover "the making of" or "behind the fucking scenes".  Maybe some 'fucking scenes' might improve the films (?)

On Tuesday 17th, 2 hours and 55 minutes of the schedule was obliterated by Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which was ridiculous for prime time television.  This was especially annoying as the other channels had fuck all that was watchable.  ITV in its complete lack of wisdom judged that viewers might like another serving just four days later.  Last Saturday, I dodged the hour-long Behind the Magic - Order of the Phoenix at 4.05pm, and shuddered with rage at the 160-minute dollop of disorder at 6.30pm.

ITV's lack of imagination and horrendous judgement was evidenced the following fucking day!  Yes, Harry Potter and the Bloody Potato Prints, [or was it "and the Half-Baked Potato?] was swallowing another three hours at 7.30pm the very next evening!  AND, the cunts took an hour at 5.35 to give us Behind the Magic: Half Blood Prince shit.

Could things get any worse?  Yes.  Today we had an hour of Behind the Magic at 3.00pm, ahead of tonight's shite, Harry Potter and the Deadly Shallows; Part 1, Subsection (b) Paragraph Cunting Seven.  Two hours and fifty minutes lost.

Just to warn you all that the concluding part of the Deathly Sparrows is avoided by not tuning in on New Year's Day at 8.00pm, and finding something else to do for two-and-a-half hours.  Be careful, earlier on though, because ITV have lined up 50 Greatest Harry Potter Moments at 3.40pm; another two-hour session!

I trust that the CIC at ITV will now desist from airing the films, the tosh that goes with them and the 'best bits' list for at least another year.

[CIC = Cunts In Charge]

...

24.12.13 Carol Overload & Stress

Whilst some might be in a fluster, or perhaps have been in the last few days, I can confirm that I've not been under any stress because of Christmas looming. I have, however, noticed the completely annoying 'stress' that is so misplaced by various singers.  Yes, as we all know, Christmas is a time for (and an excuse for) shit music.  There are two varieties of shit.

1 - Songs that are inherently completely and utterly SHIT.  It seems that under the banner of 'Christmas', any cunt can perform a song that's so appallingly shit and yet escape criticism.  Well, not from this direction!  Listening to the car radio, I have in the last week managed to avoid ramming the car in front while being distracted by bollocks from the speakers.

2 - Songs that may or may not be inherently shit, but which have their shitiness accentuated by the annoying habit of the singer to mess about with the timing.  Yes, the 'stress' that is so misplaced (mentioned above) is the pathetic notion in the brains of singers whereby it's mandatory to wait an extra second here and there, and then rush the next lyrics to play catch-up.  If this is their idea of "making it their own" then I wish the'd fucking lose it!

So, we have established that the "artistic licence" of singers under category 2 is annoying as fuck.  What I have observed is that whilst songs suffer from this type of meddling, Christmas Carols seem exempt from such variations.  This is possibly a good things, although the dirges that come our way are hardly entertaining.  Also, there seems to be some sort of competition between the normal TV channels to out-carol each other, and the general obsession with singing is as annoying as the fucking Halifax adverts.  As for Gareth Malone, I think he needs to take a Kit-Kat.

TODAY

5.15pm ITV The Nation's Favourite Christmas Song.  Apparently this includes Mariah Carey, Wizzard and Slade - as if there was ever any fucking doubt!

6.15pm BBC2 Carols from King's.  "Music and readings from the chapel of King's College, Cambridge, including Once in Royal David's City, O Little Town of Bethlehem and God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"  - as if there was ever any fucking doubt!

8.05pm Channel 4 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings: Carols and Caravans.  Fucking madness and complete obsession, as ever, with gypsies, fatness and all things in poor taste.

10.15pm ITV Christmas Carols on ITV.  "Aled Jones [who else could it possible be!] presents an evening of festive performances from St Michael the Archangel Church."  O Joy to the world - not.

11.45pm BBC1 Westminster Abbey: The First Eucharist of Christmas.  "Carols include O Come All Ye Faithful, Hark! The Herald Angels Sing and O Little Town of Bethlehem." - as if there was ever any fucking doubt!

Channel 5 has opted to avoid carols altogether, thankfully, but has undone its good work by thinking we would prefer: 7.00pm Eddie Stobart: 12 Days of Christmas followed by The Muppets and Lady Gaga.

Finally, I'd like to confirm to the overweight chav kid who thumped on the door and SAID, upon the door being answered, "We wish you a merry Christmas" the other night that this in no way constituted carol singing!  It was more of a shake-down.  Twat!

...

22.12.13 - Alcohol & Pork at M&S

Common sense at Asda - what the fuck?  I am surprised to report that some of this rare stuff has been shown by the people in charge at Asda.  Even the bosses at Tescunt have adopted a sensible approach to allowing the British public to purchase alcohol and pork without issue at the checkout.

However, Your / Our / Not Fucking My M&S has I believe rather fucked up with its latest ruling on how sales will be conducted, allowing those employed to serve the right to refuse to serve.  I was under the impression that if one wanted to do a job and earn the wage for it, then he/she would have to do the fucking job!

Checkout workers in more than 700 stores have been given permission to decline to serve customers with alcohol or port on religious grounds.  This is going too far.  Shoppers will be asked (politely, we are told) to use another till. Fuck that!  Are we seriously saying that I could load up a conveyor belt with groceries that should cost £50 (but will actually cost £80) and if my last item is a can of Shandy Bass with 0.2% alcohol, I'll be asked to use another till?  I think abandoning the shopping altogether is the most likely outcome it that situation!

M&S has lots its corporate mind.  Meanwhile, at Asda, anyone objecting to handling pork or alcohol is not allowed to work on the checkouts; this is an official policy.  I assume they're also banned from restocking the BW&S aisle, and don't go anywhere near the meat aisle.  Then of course they can't work on the frozen meats, or in the warehouse taking in deliveries which might contain meat or drink.  I suppose if I mention the sweet aisle (wine gums etc) I might be being facetious.  Tescunt agrees with Asda, saying it would make no sense to employ staff on a till who refused to touch specific items, although without any actual policy, it 'wings it' on a case by case basis.

Religious and Cultural reasons can be cited at Morrisons by workers who don't want to handle these things, and the company manages "to work around" these things.  That tells us little about what really is allowed, or not. Sainsbury's seems to have been rather bolder by telling Muslim staff there is no reason why they can't handle the goods even if they do not eat or drink the products.  Well done, Sainsbury's.  It seems that you, along with Asda and Tescunt are of the opinion that generally, the customers are important, and that having a job means doing the job.  Morrisons plays its cards closer to its chest.  M&S is up its arse.

I am so confused, because there should really be a straightforward approach across the board, surely.  If one wants a job, then one does the job.  If I am a conscientious objector, I do not join the fucking Army.  If I cannot deal with the sight of blood, then working in a hospital's A&E department is not really suitable.  If a woman has vaginismus, then being a hooker is probably not the best career path.  Do vegetarians qualify for being allowed to reject any dealings with meat completely?  Bollocks / Quorn !!!

My own cultural and religious beliefs amount to not wanting to be treated like some sort of cunt.  Sadly, by beliefs are trampled on, pretty much on a daily basis, by so many things and people, and it is so disappointing when companies and institutions manage to offend the fuck out of me with their

pathetic/pompous/cuntish/pandering/supposedly pc/weak/misplaced/double-standard/cringeworthy/lily-livered/shite/sad and sanctimonious

actions.

...

22.12.13 Judgement Day - Strictly

Scores for Bruce?

...

21.12.13 Strictly Come Dancing Final - The Result

Sophie & Brendan voted off first?  Not the correct result, but not actually that surprising.  She seemed happy enough, so good for her.  This means we are getting to the expected fuck-up, whereby Susanna Reid gets more appreciation than her dancing deserves.

Tess Daly / Far Too Often

I was about to dial recklessly, when Foghorn Leghorn advised me to "dial carefully".  This useless advice was actually irrelevant as I would of course NOT be voting.

Susanna

Susanna Red Potatoes

She stomped and clumped and stamped and gurned.  How the fuck this one woman 'Kevin appreciation society' managed 39 from the judges is more fucking 'amazing' than the amazement that seems so ubiquitous for Reid.

Abbey

As expected, really good.  38 from the judges; nothing wrong with that, except the incongruity with their views on Spud-U-Don't-Like's score of 39 !!!

Natalie

As you'd have expected, a flawless performance with a bit of face-pulling. Worth the 40.

Final Leader Board
Natalie 119
Abbey 116
Susanna 112

Robbie Williams

The singers and orchestra on SCD  are wonderfully talented.  This cannot be said of Robbie Williams, who seems to have lowered his booking fee (to match his low singing standards) resulting in his appearance just about anywhere these days.  Why my Saturday has to be tainted by this tosser I don't know.

Foghorn managed a final mispronunciation of 'Salsa' [ie. saucer with an 'l' in the middle] before introducing further padding, ahead of the result.  Six million votes tonight means there is less of a recession on than I thought.

The Winners - Abbey & Aljaz

Excellent.

...

21.12.13 Strictly Come Dancing Final

The Build-up and Overview

After a ludicrous number of weeks, we've arrived at the 'grand final', which of course in the tradition on any TV show 'final' doesn't involve the last two.  No, the final on this show's format allows for FOUR.  Even X-Factor pisses about with only three over two days.  The SCD producers think that after making us watch shows and dance-offs for what seems like 832 weeks, and seeing just one person ejected each time, it's appropriate now to hurry along with the 4-3-2-1 in a single evening.  As for the annoying overuse and inappropriate use of the term "girl power", it's NOT about boys v girls, and use of that term shows intellectual bankruptcy. Anyway, let's have a look at what's on offer.

The Terrible Twats

Bruce Forsythe

A 'national institution', that's exactly where he ought to be.  There must surely be a sanitarium with a spare cubicle for him?  I expect to listen to his drivel and shit delivery of shit 'jokes' and general shit all fucking evening, while he moans about having to go up and down the stairs continually.  The contrived and predictable nature of his presence and material is so awful that it defies further comment.

Tess Daly

Sad Style  [anagram]

This monstrous being is close behind Bruce for annoyance quotient, and rather too full of herself.  Someone must have convinced her at some time in the past that she had talent, and while doing so, must have hypnotised the entire workforce of the BBC.  Talk about the empress's and no clothes. Actually, she's not wearing no clothes (thank God) but does manage to frighten the masses with what's inside them, and with what leaves her mouth. Foghorn Leghorn has the power to annoy.

Susanna Reid

Oops / Yuk

The most irritating contestant (now that Dave Myers and Mark Benton are gone) and one whose face-pulling is dire.  I have seen more attractive totem poles.  SR is a calculating career woman who is simply trying to encourage all the viewers of her breakfast show to pick up a phone.  It is of course a distinct advantage to have a couple of millions pairs of eyes on you each morning, because sadly these viewers are probably more disposed to giving her votes than the more objective viewers.  This machine-like woman is simply determined to win, and despite being the worst of the finalists, will probably have a decent chance of avoiding 4th place - and madly, could even win.  This is, of course, primarily a popularity contest, with some dancing thrown in for good measure.

Natalie Gumede

Gosh

Unfortunately for Natalie she is not popular.  I have no idea why, as I'm sure that her friends think she is wonderful.  She dances well, and precisely, so what's the problem?  Somehow there's no warmth and viewers are not going to spend money on her.  The fact that she has in the past spent a fair amount of time dancing means that she's deemed to have had some sort of advantage over those new to the activity.  Without any loyal following, she'll struggle.

Abbey Clancy

Perfection

She's the person that most people say 'should' win, but may not.  She has proved a surprise after never dancing before, and it does of course help that she is fit as hell.  It would be a travesty if the clumping, galumphing Susanna beats her because that would confirm no fucking justice.  AC has every chance, so it will be down to the useless public to decide.  We all know that the public as an entity is never to be relied upon to do the right thing, and the fickleness of voting means that talent is not always properly rewarded.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor

Super

What a totally lovely person, inside and out, who has a strange but stylish elegance, despite her height - something which is often a drawback.  She deserves proper recognition, and maybe by striking a good balance, can attract enough votes to avoid 4th place, and maybe vie for top spot.


The Show - Part One

Susanna

She gurned her way around the dance floor, stomping and kicking and annoying the UK population who'd tuned in.  No real interest generated in her or her dancing.  TMWSC = 7  Judges' Scores: 8-9-10-10 = 37

Abbey

A totally beautiful dance.  Natural, unpretentious and genuine.  Winning performance.  TMWSC = 10  Judges' Scores: 10-10-10-10 = 40

Natalie

As ever, she danced with precision and did very well.  However, as normal, she managed not to draw us in and it was hard to warm to her.  Excellently executed but nevertheless short on something.  TMWSC = 9  Judges' Scores: 9-10-10-10 = 39

Bruce Forsythe

The TWAT went into a routine about how he walks up and down the stairs and thus works as hard as the dancers.  This was just as I predicted, and was pathetic.  You get fucking half a million quid for going up and down stairs, dishing out the odd non-joke, and generally being useless.  TMWSC = 0

Sophie

Excellently done.  Super.  TMWSC= 9.5  Judges' Scores: 9-10-10-10 = 39

Susanna 2

Less gurning was appreciated (by me, certainly) and she managed to redeem herself with this effort.  The main positive was seemingly Kevin's neck. TMWSC = 8  Judges' Scores: 9-9-9-9 = 36

Abbey 2

That was inventive and brave, and excellent.  If that wasn't "going for it" then I give up.  TMWSC = 10  Judges' Scores: 9-10-9-10 = 38

Natalie

Lots of difficulty, risks and bravery, including props.  This deserved an 11. TMWSC = 10  Judges' Scores: 10-10-10-10 = 40  [Can't believe that Len said "Where's that 11 paddle?" after I'd typed my comments.]

Sophie

Totally natural and stylish performance.  Very brave as well.  Well done! TMWSC = 9  Judges' Scores: 8-9-9-9 = 35 [stingy]


TMWSC x 4 Table

Abbey & Aljaz = 80  (Judges 78)
Natalie & Artem = 76  (Judges 79)
Sophie& Brendan = 74  (Judges 74)
Susanna & Kevin = 60  (Judges 73)


Results to follow later on tonight; no idea what the public will do.

...

21.12.13 Picture News of the Week

Self Serving Patten?

It seems Chris Patten is someone who's keen to hide information which could allow people to see just how badly run the BBC is.  There is in fact so little doubt in anyone's mind that the BBC is a pathetic model for good management, and the amounts of money squandered by the corporation are mind-boggling.  The fiasco over the IT project that wasted £99M of licence fees is one of so many examples that prove beyond any doubt how utterly awful things are at the Biased Broadcasting Corporation.  Surpressing information on who knew what and who agreed what while millions were wasted is hardly the proper action of a bloke in charge.  Patten is vastly overpaid and under performs (as you'd expect) with such severity it is a crime that he's not himself sacked.  Still, if he were, he'd probably be behind any decision to sanction a pay-off at around a million quid!

Power Ranger - or Deranged? 

Heather Mills is one awful individual, based on any criteria you may wish to use for evaluation.  This weeks she's had a spat with a Paralympics official, screaming and resigning over an unauthorised boot.  Screaming "bitch" at the official was hardly ladylike, and in any event, pot-kettle-cunt (?)

Yikes, Sykes - looking a bit haggard

Was there ever any doubt that this would be a short-term arrangement. Melanie Sykes (43) splits from her 28-year-old husband after 7 months. Seeing her flaunt herself in lingerie and ram down everyone's throat her fitness and ability to bag a toyboy was rather immature, and to see a year later the inevitable parting (technically 'trial separation') is unsurprising.  Perhaps if everyone acted their age then the world would be slightly better (?)

Powder Keg

I can't now believe people will watch Nigella on TV without a sense of annoyance with the manufactured perfection that's been served up by her for so long.  The recent exposure has allowed many to reform their views and I cannot see how she will easily recover from the tarnishing.  Something has got to give out, and there will be more news as she struggles to regain credibility.

Cunt

This fraudster has been jailed for 7 years after being found guilty of scamming £265,000 and using various identities, including that of a dead child.

...

19.12.13 Ginger Is Not An Option, Apparently

It seems that having ginger hair is not an option, unless one is born with ginger hair.  This is a rather fucked up stance because it displays not only a level of discrimination that we are sadly used to - ie. the simple anti-gingerism - but a new level of discrimination that marks out dying one's hair acceptable only when the end result is not ginger!

Skegness Academy in Lincolnshire has taken pathetic action against a fifteen-year-old girl who has switched from blonde to ginger.  Apparently the end result is unacceptable to the up-its-arse establishment, and justifies the segregation of the pupil.  Having to study on her own, not being allowed into the playground and being kept separate for lunch is probably a basis for her to use the Human Rights legislation.  It might be nice to see the legislation used in a way that isn't for getting a criminal off the hook or allowing a cunt to stay in the UK. Surely the school is being pathetic?  School rules have allegedly been broken; what does the rule book state, then?  That being ginger is unacceptable? Fucking crap.

The Principal has said: "Our pupils are ambassadors for the academy and we expect them to represent us in the correct manner."  She did not add "and the correct manner is most certainly not to promote the academy by being fucking ginger!"   She went on: "We want our pupils to present themselves smartly as we believe that the self-discipline this requires is an important lesson to learn as pupils will find that there is often a dress code in most places of work.  We provide very clear guidance to parents in our prospectus."  In other words, being ginger cannot be considered 'smart' and there are no fucking ginger kids in the prospectus, probably.

I am very sure that there are children at the same school whose hair is blonde, and that there has been some dye involved, whether to transform a look or to 'top up' or 'tweak' natural colour.  Where is the Gestapo's attention to this unacceptable behaviour?  Exactly - brown, black and blonde are okay, but looking ginger is horrendous.  When Prince Harry arrives to cut the ribbon in an opening ceremony of the new sports hall, will the Principal stick to her misguided principles and ban the ginger guy from the premises?  I think not.

So, if you're ginger, or you want to be ginger, then Skegness Academy appears to be an unwelcoming place, and hides behind rules that are flawed, unfair, discriminatory and so outdated that it's hard to believe an educational establishment can set such an example to young people.  Adherence to a dress code is one thing; including hair colour is another, when the colour in question is not unnatural.  We're not talking pink!

Finally, the fact that the girl wanted to have the exact same colour as her gran used to have as a girl (her gran is ill now) is a nice gesture, although irrelevant to the argument above.  As ever, 'schools and rules' make the headlines again.

...

17.12.13 An Orphan at Asda

No, I did not meet or see an orphan at Asda, nor was there one on the shelf to purchase.  No, this was not a stock deficiency (for a change) as I believe orphans are not generally available as a standard sku, even at the largest of the stores.  The reference to an orphan is quite simple.  For my sins, I found myself last week wishing that the kid by the yoghurts was as orphan.  This revised status would have meant an inability to demand attention by the constant calling (whining) of a single word: "Mum!"

This spoilt little cunt was a cunt, and the parenting skills of his parents were non-existent, so they were raising him (successfully) as a little cunt.  I am quite sure that in time, he will grow to be a bigger cunt, and eventually a big cunt.  When he reaches adulthood, he will of course be simply 'a cunt'.  If there was a remake of the film 'Big', and this five year old was cast as the child who turned into Tom Hanks, then the updated and more accurate title for the film would be "Cunt".

I should not have to endure a kid shouting "Mum" non-stop for minutes on end. It was horrendous.  As horrendous as the kid's behaviour was his parents' own behaviour in tolerating such an awful display by their offspring.  The nonchalant cuntism displayed by Mrs & Mrs Cunt was truly cuntish, and perhaps an indicator as to how the little cunt came to be thus.  The daughter (circa 13 years old) seemed relatively unaffected by the other three, although she for some reason found the nagging by the little cunt to be amusing.

The parents continued to chat, standing idly by the earache coming from waist level.  His relentlessness was as amazing as it was annoying, but the father (Big Cunt) said "What?" at some stage, and it brought a temporary lull in the verbal onslaught.  Quite why he answered when the demands from Little Cunt were multiple calls for attention from "Mum" rather than "Dad".  Maybe Mummy Cunt only answers to "Cunt; cunt; cunt etc.  Give it time, and her wish will no doubt come true.

I escaped with Junior to the next aisle, and the metronome (for Little Cunt had started again) was left behind.  As I looked over my shoulder while turning out of the aisle, I saw movement of the herd of cunts, past the milk at the far end. The wilderbeests (or should that be wilderbeasts - or better, wildercunts) were on the move.  In the biscuit aisle, I was forced to get within hearing range once more.  Junior wanted chocolate biscuits, and this necessitated our presence within a few feet of the Cunts.  I use the term as though it was their surname, as in "The Richardsons" or the "Greens".  "The Cunts" were playing unhappy families again, with Little Cunt employing a tried and tested tactic to gain attention.  "Dad; dad; dad; dad; dad; dad; dad; dad; dad; dad; dad;  if I were able to use a mathematical approach to typing now, I would put dots over each letter 'd' to denote the recurrence of the three-character set.

Mummy Cunt was in a world of her own, as was Daddy Cunt.  Unfortunately I was not in a world of my own, and had to inhabit the one shared by Little Cunt. He needed a kick.  Big Sister was still mildly amused, and said something to Daddy Cunt as I was passing, laden with as many biscuits as Junior had seen fit to load into the trolley while my attention were diverted by cuntism.  The spoilt little cunt was simply allowed to be a cunt.

It was at this stage that I considered his being an orphan would have been beneficial to all parties.  For him, because he could then get some proper guidance, and would also have no reason to use the words 'Mum' or 'Dad' in such a manner.  For his parents, because they did not deserve to have Little Cunt if they were not going to do something useful, like teach him how not to be a cunt - and because they were cunts.  For his sister, so she was not brought up thinking it was okay to be surrounded by cunts.  For Junior, me and the hundreds of people in Asda who were suffering under the cunting chanting.

There you have it - my admission.  I should be ashamed for thinking this way, but am actually not.  At least I never acted on my frustrations even though I had the perfect opportunity.  Junior and I left the store and loaded the shopping into the car.  As I was driving off, the Wildercunts were in the car park, crossing the lane in front of the store.  I could have eliminated any one of them, or all of them.  Instead, I concerned myself with how Walkers Crisps multi-packs include Prawn Cocktail [or to give its proper name, Prawn Fucking Cocktail] in both the 'classic variety' bags and the 'meaty variety' bags.  That's no fucking variety is it!  Especially if you don't like prawn cocktail.

...

15.12.13 X-Factor - The Final 2013

Preliminary Shit

The group performance which included input from all of the finalists was a useful demonstration of why some of them simply didn't deserve to get anywhere!  Only when they all sang together did the weak ones get away with anything - a bit like a school assembly and mumbling along with a dirge about "ploughing the fields and fucking scattering".  The start by Rough Copy was woeful.

So, what have we learned?  Tamera didn't forget her words, Rough Copy are still crap, Shelley looks manic, Sam Callahan's hard work isn't yet paying off, and Sam Bailey still doesn't suit jumpsuits.

The review of last night was rather long, ending with Nicole saying "bad ass shits unite" for some strange reason, while walking off stage separate from Sam; all rather odd - but then again it's all about Shitslinger, isn't it!

One Direction

A performance that satisfied all females aged 8-19, and of course the Osbourne woman who was watching on TV from Madame Tussauds while her waxwork counterpart was sitting with the other judges.

Pathetic Questions of the Night

Dermot: "What are you doing for Christmas, Harry - are you a turkey guy?"

Dermot: "Louis, what are you doing?"

The highlight chat included Shitslinger saying she enjoyed sharing the stage with Sam, although "hogging the stage" would have been rather more accurate.

Nicholas McDonald

Mrs Mop: "Good luck little boy."
Barlow: "You've got a pretty good chance."
Shitslinger: "You have the voice of an angel with butter wings; your tone is like butter and so weightless."  [Complete Muller-Tosser!]

Sam Bailey

Mrs O has aged rather badly, turning to RUST - what's with the colour, eh? Then she decided to use the NON-WORD "bestest" and despite me thinking it impossible, went down even further in my estimation.  Then we had the preparation for hearing Sam sing 'The Power of Love'.  How boring.  Good, but boring.

I have a real problem in hearing a perfect copy of someone's song.  So, Jennifer Rush will get my money if I decide I need a copy of this song. Excellent 'copy', but not much 'X'.

Shitslinger: "You were born to do two things - a sher-mazing mum and to be a star on this stage."
Mrs Rust: "Please, please keep voting for Sam."

During the extended break, at the beginning of which there was the boring competition information delivered by JLS, I learned that part of the prize was tickets to the "X-Factor inspired musical, I Can't Sing" and can think of no better title for such shite.

Katy Perry

If ever proof were needed that one excellent pop song is not followed by another, this was it.  The last one ('Roar') was very good and very successful. This one ('Unconditionally') is an AWFUL song with no musical credence and far too many letters/syllables to work.  Against this backdrop Katy delivered a noise that had the most shit vocals of the night!  I rather wish there had been some fucking conditions imposed - ie. radio silence.  1/10.  The idiots in the audience were ready to clap anything.

Nicholas - Again

A rather good performance, chap.

Mrs Rust: "That song was amazing."
Barlow: "Well done."
Shitslinger spoke like she was giving a sermon from the Mount.
Flack introduced his mum who told us he's only seventeen.

Sam - Again

Rather wobbly vocals (?) and proof that she can indeed struggle on some (low) notes, until she gets to the belting bits at a higher level.  No doubt she's already one, and the wobbles will be overlooked because she is certainly good. Why do I feel so bored, though?

Shitslinger - more shit about time and timing.
Elf: "That's going to be a number one record."
Rust - tears.
Flack introduced her family, well, her kid and her mum, but NOT her husband?

Barlow & Elton

Average, chaps.

Result

The winner was revealed by Dermot after the usual ten-second wait, as Sam Bailey.


X-Factor: Series Epilogue

So, with departures from Sharon Osbourne and Gary Barlow, possibly from Louis and sadly probably not from Scherzinger, it's thank God for the end of an era, or as the Americans might say (a whole lot more accurately once, in terms of pronunciation) the end of an error.  The whole thing needs a bit more than refreshment - overhaul sounds a whole lot more appropriate.

...

15.12.13 Strictly Come Dancing Semi

Who the fuck keeps voting for Susanna Reid on SCD?  Someone who gets 32/40 manages to get through to the final automatically, yet Natalie Gumede is made to dance again despite getting a perfect 40/40 yesterday.  She beat Patrick in the 'dance off 'but shouldn't have been made to dance again.  Stupid set-up and format.  Still, let's look on the bright side - no Bruce Forsythe on a Sunday!  Every cloud has a lead lining though - in the shape of the ever-present Tess Daly, whose foghorn gob brings down the tone rather.

So, we are down to just 4 for the final.  How fucking nuts is that?  Even X-Factor manages to whittle things down to three before designating something as a 'final'.  The stupidity is that Susanna Reid should have been eliminated tonight, making the final a 3-act effort.

...

15.12.13 TV Plus "Harry Potter and the Expired Tax Disc"

BBC

The repeats available on the BBC are at an awful and unacceptable level.  The squandering of taxpayers' money is outrageous.  The decent programmes are few and far between.  The CIC have weird obsessions with certain themes and programmes, ramming them down out fucking throats.  Wake up!

ITV

It seems there's as much that needs avoiding as there is that needs watching. Having just witnessed the atrocious Jonathan Ross fiasco at the comedy awards, seeing his face on trailers for the chat show is almost worse than the fucking chat show itself.  It is easy enough to avoid the show, simply by looking at what time it is on (and the fucking repeat) and watching something else. However, his unwelcome appearance on screen for trailers is outrageous. His guests are not generally the problem - it's JR who is one self-obsessed problem!

Another example of trailers dumbing down my life has been provided by the plus for "Lucan".  Every fucking ad break there is touting for something or other, and the number of trailers for Lucan meant I had no inclination at all to subject myself to it.  STOP telling me, ITV, what to do with my life every fucking few minutes!  It was probably a good programme but I am all Lucan-cunted-out.  The touting does not stop, of course, after the first of the two episodes has been aired.  Not at all; there's "Catch Up" touted, just before we are told when the second part is on.


This Week's Television

Sunday 15th

BBC1  10:00am - Fern Britton Meets Ken Dodd.  Is this 'padding' or what?
BBC1  11.00am - Wanted Down Under.  I feel the BBC missed an opportunity to combine the shows and send Fern Britton and Ken Dodd to the Antipodes.  As long as they were both left there for good, that would have been no worse a use of licence payers' money than the short jaunt to South Africa by a Dimbleby.
BBC1  7.40pm - Sports Personality of the Year.  140 minutes of boredom containing repeats.
Channel 5  1.55pm - FILM: A Star for Christmas.  My TV listing compiler felt it necessary to state that this is a festive drama.

Monday 16th

BBC2  7.00pm - Nigellissima - An Italian Inspired Christmas.  Is this really going to be aired tomorrow?  Surely the white powder on the Pannettone is not quite icing sugar?  I suspect the perfect Christmas is not quite in place for this year, luv.

Tuesday 17th

BBC2  7.00pm - The Great British Sewing Bee Christmas Special.  What the fuck is it about programme makers and their obsession with including "Great British" in programme titles?  Last week I was exposed to The Great British Garden Revival and must say I didn't know the cunting thing was even underway!
BBC2  8.00pm - The Great British Christmas Bake Off.  Fuck off!
Channel 4  9.00pm - Heston's Great British Food.  Fucking fuck the fuck off!
ITV  3.30pm - Harry Potter and the Gonads of Treacle.  Not sure if it's actually called that, but the incessant trailers have scrambled my brains.  I am sure that yesterday afternoon, there was an airing of Harry Potter and the Librarian's Giblets.
Channel 5  3.15pm - FILM: Gifts for Christmas.  My TV listing compiler felt it necessary to state that this is a Christmas drama.  TWAT!

Wednesday 18th

BBC2  8.00pm - Food & Drink Christmas Special.  "Festive culinary advice" is hardly a surprise, as a description for this tosh.

Thursday 19th

Channel 5  10.50am - Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers.  I thought all the trailers were over on ITV!  The various 'Stobart' programmes are so dire that they are on the verge of being hilarious - but then become so tedious that you stick your head in porridge.
Channel 5  11.50am - Stobart: Trucks, Trains & Planes.  More shit made to sound dramatic.
ITV  9.00pm - Live Celebrity Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?  Predictable shit with predictable shits; Tarrant, Eamonn Holmes (again?) and Alex Ferguson, probably chewing gum.

Friday 20th

Channel 4  9.00pm - Big Fat Gypsy Weddings: Carols and Caravans.  The obsession at Channel 4 with anything big, fat and gypsy like is so utterly pathetic, it comes as no surprise that there's a Christmas offering of this bollocks.
ITV  Most of the fucking Day - Text Santa stuff.  Predictable Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present some shit, while the appallingly awful pairing of Christine Bleakley and Paddy McGuinness is likely to nauseate even Santa!

Trailers

Don't forget to look out for more Harry Potter favourites on ITV.  Next Saturday, it's: Harry Potter and the Philistine's Deathly Bed Chamber.

On Sunday it's: Harry Potter and the Expired Tax Disc.

On ITV2 there's a showing of the 1975 forerunner to the JK Rowling series of books and films -  Harry Potter and the Haynes Manual for the Austin Princess from Azkaban.

...

15.12.13 Unacceptable BBC

With incredulity and disgust, I saw a further example of madness by the BBC this week.  The outlandish and cuntish display of extravagance with the excessive coverage of Nelson Mandela's funeral was no less than we have come to expect from the BBC.  Spending licence fee payers' money, the CIC seem oblivious to any sense of reality let alone the economic pressures that apply to ordinary folk.  Thus, the BBC sent around 140 people to South Africa last week for over-the-top coverage of what was sadly rather a chaotic and at times farcical ceremony.  It is a real shame that considering Mandela has been at death's door for so long, better arrangements were not in place to mark the occasion.  So, while ITV managed to despatch just nine people to South Africa [ITV is running itself like a business and not squandering money] the BBC thought 140 was justifiable.  What complete bollocks, and just why Dimbleby had to be in South Africa to sit round a table for Question Time I have no idea. The radio and TV schedules were awash with alterations and views forced upon us by presenters and guests whose tenuous links to the great man were at times laughable, and commonly served as a basis for the interviewees to try and make themselves look good.  The CIC at the BBC are so well named.

Then I look at yesterday's schedule for BBC2, and this could possibly be explained by the lack of investment brought about by the misallocation of money.  Here is a quick run-down of the run-down BBC's sense of duty, the 'duty' that is mentioned time and time again alongside 'responsibility' and 'independence', the latter of which is so far from the truth as a descriptor for the BBC.

06.35  Teacher's Pet - animated film, apparently not a repeat, on this channel at least.
07.45  Anything But Christmas - a film premiere, not quite shown at peak viewing, eh?
09.15  Animal Farm - a 1954 animated drama that I suggest is a Repeat, after 59 years!
10.30  Reel History of Britain - Seaside holidays during the 1950s. (Repeat)
11.00  Animal Park - 'The monkey gets a deluxe feeding post' it says. (Repeat)
12.00  Christmas Kitchen with James Martin (Repeat)
12.45  Christmas Kitchen with James Martin (Repeat)
13.30  Christmas Kitchen with James Martin (Repeat)
14.15  Coast (Repeat)
15.10  Doctor Who Mastermind - yawn. (Repeat)
15.40  Weakest Link - Doctor Who cast members battle it out; yawn. (Repeat)
16.30  Flog It! (Repeat)
17.30  Tron  - a 1982 film that I suggest is a Repeat after 31 years!
19.00  Me, You and Doctor Who: A Culture Show Special (Repeat)
20.00  Tron: Legacy - a film premiere!  It seems a sequel was needed in 2010 (?) after 28 years!
21.55  The Science of Doctor Who - yawn. (Repeat)
22.55  The Wrong Mans - comedy thriller. (Repeat)
23.25  The Wrong Mans - comedy thriller. (Repeat)
23.55  The Wrong Mans - comedy thriller. (Repeat)
00.25  Shout at the Devil - a 1976 film that I suggest is a Repeat, after 37 years!

Fucking pathetic!  I have heard that the percentage of BBC repeats in this year's Christmas schedule is probably going to be the highest on record.

Footnote / Key

BBC = Biased Broadcasting Corporation
ANC = African National Congress
CIC = Cunts In Charge

...

14.12.13 X-Factor Final: Saturday

After my earlier preliminary post, it's straight into the singing - or lack of it. Marks out of 5, as usual.  I will try to avoid commenting on the overuse [to a ludicrous level] of the word 'amazing' by every fucker involved.  This is allegedly the'final' but that's really tomorrow.


Nicholas McDonald          1

Well of all the sit songs that the could have chosen, he chose one of the shittiest in circulation, the truly awful Candy by Robbie Williams.  The song simply did not suit him at all, and the mess that surrounded him on stage was embarrassingly dire.  The vocals were 'questionable' and what amazed me was that whilst I expected Louis 'The Elf' Walsh to stand up, Osbourne and Shitsinger were on their feet as well!

Osbourne: "That was just like a giant Willy Wonka Factory.  It's no time to critique, I just want to say I'm happy you're here."  [Talking shit and not earning your £2M, Sharon]
Gary: "Truthfully, it didn't suit your voice.  I hope your duet is better than that."  [Ah, a bit of accuracy and honesty from a judge!]
Shitsinger: "That was quite a tripping experience; bizarre.  You started out as my Scottish lamb and you've ended up as my Scottish lion."  [You started off Sher-shit and ended up She-fucking-mad!]
Elf = predictable twattish comment.

Caroline Flack interlude, providing inanity of a flacking awful standard.


Sam Bailey          3

Not half as good as we've come to expect from Sam.  The song is of course rather weak and so very repetitive.  I got the feeling from the content that Sam was "on the edge, the edge of glory" somewhere.  Not really very good, luv, although the competition is not high tonight.

Gary: "That's how to use a song to showcase your voice; incredible."  [Calm down, Barlow, it was not of the standard that your OTT comments suggested.]
Shitsinger: "You sang the pants off of that song.  You are Sha-mazing honey. You're just a beast and a force to be reckoned with.  I feel you every time.]
Elf: "You've got a world class recording voice.  You are Sam-tastic."
Osbourne: "Forget girl power, it's about woman power."
Dermot: "That was awesome; cuff me."  [So tempted to oblige, Dermot, and maybe some quick-setting concrete as well]

Caroline Flack interlude, providing inanity of a flacking awful standard.  She asked one of two Leicester City footballers to comment and he did so in the predictable and useless way that any post-match interview is given by a footballer.  Pointless.

Luke Friend          1

Simply awful, because it started with woeful singing and then turned into awful shouting, and a direct competition with the people providing the noisy music. Disappointing and overall, just as bad as Nicholas.

Osbourne: "You've come a long way, little boy."  [Not very helpful or constructive, Sharon]
Gary: "The verses were a little bit too low for your voice, but in the chorus you started to sing.  I hope people vote based on the choruses."
Shitsinger: "Your uniqueness speaks volumes."  [The deranged woman has lost the plot, wailing and shouting and drawling more than Luke!]
Elf: "Devon, please lift your phones."

Caroline Flack interlude, providing inanity of a flacking awful standard.

Round Two

Luke Friend & Ellie Goulding          3.5

Okay.  I think Ellie's voice simply removed the annoyance of Luke's wailing. Together they made an acceptable noise.


Nicholas McDonald & Shane Filan          3.5

Predictable boy band noises from the pair of them.  Nothing that I would ever buy, of course.  A bit like anaglypta wallpaper - okay in the background but doesn't bear any real inspection or scrutiny.


Sam Bailey & Nicole Scherzinger          5

Well, this just proves that Shitsinger can sing so much better than she can judge.  She was much better than Sam!  No idea what the problem was with the talking over the performance.  I reckon someone left a microphone on.

Dermot: "Lines will be open for a little time shorter."  [Hmmm - think you meant 'longer', Dermot]

This is indeed going to be mildly interesting after all, because whilst Sam will win, there is not a lot between the other two, so the battle for 2nd and 3rd is the one to cause some wonder, if you can be bothered.

Then we were subjected to some noise from past contestants, for no good reason at all.  The reminiscing was a chance for us to remember just how poor Wagner's singing was.  Nevertheless, it is a fact that some of the characters competing in years gone by were far more interesting than the ones this year. Sadly there is little reason to shout at the TV these days, or be very bothered about things.

Dermot gave us the five minute warning, and I rushed - not to vote, but to put the kettle on.  After the break, he confirmed the vote was 'frozen'.  Then I heard The Killers from the kitchen.  They weren't really very good - well the first song wasn't, as the vocals were weak.  The second song was noisier and little better.  Time for yet another break!

The Result of the 'real semi-final' and thus who will be in the final tomorrow

The irony is not lost on me, and I concede the point that the best singing tonight from anyone involved (ie. the contestants and all the guests) came from Nicole 'Shitsinger' Scherzinger.  "Good job."

Sam was first through, so as expected, the two chaps were head to head. Nicholas made it, and Luke had to be pleased with third place.  I think he is a nice chap, stands out a bit with an individual approach, but his singing needs to get a fair bit better.  He's done well to get to this stage.

...

14.12.13 X-Factor: Ready For The FINAL

Well, who would have thought that Sam would make the final and be the overwhelming favourite to win?  Only every fucker watching over the last ten weeks!  There are fears that this year's final will be boring, dull and pointless; well-founded fears as far as I am concerned, and rather in keeping with Gary Barlow's general output on the show.

"Ha!  Two million, Shazza, for fuck all!"

Sharon was taking her turn to be a wimp last weekend, failing to decide who the save between Rough Copy and Luke Friend.  Going to 'deadlock' was the path of least resistance and most certainly a means of making Gary Barlow's pulse go up from 25 bpm to 35 beats.  It led to Luke beating his rough rabble, which was no bad think at all, even if Sharon proved herself an expensive waste of space.  Mrs Mop was most definitely a flop and apparently she was upset after the show last Sunday and shut herself in her dressing room, refusing to see anyone.  I wish she'd adopt this policy during the hours of the fucking show, not afterwards!  Let's hope Simon Cowell sees sense and dispenses with her (non-existent) services, saving the best part of £2M in the process.

The three wailers (who most definitely were short of a Bob Marley) have told of their own fears for the final, and how it is going to be boring with three solo singers.  Fucking cheek!  However, there is most certainly comedic value in Kazeem's waffle:

"Next week people will be like, 'Where are Rough Copy?' It'll feel weird."

Actually, Kazeem, people won't be asking that question at all, and nothing about your absence will feel weird - more likely that there will be a general sense of well-being now that you're not on stage, wailing and jumping.  He apparently said more:

"We would have brought madness and energy.  We planned to fly from the ceiling and rollerskate on stage.  The performances were going to be amazing - dance routines, energy, everything to show everyone this is a stage to be performed on."

Piss off - it's not Billy Smart's Circus, for fuck's sake.  You've missed out one key element, and I think that's a slight clue as to why you're thankfully not going to get the chance to shovel that shit in our direction - the ability to sing well.

So, what will we be served up this weekend?  Sam winning, and most probably Nicholas claiming second, with Luke leaving as the 3rd place contestant. There is a possibility that Luke's last minute surge in popularity might make it a close run thing for 2nd place, but it's a slim one.  I expect little in the way of entertainment, and fear for the future of X-Factor unless there's some radical shaking-up.  The format is tired and the judges are in need of some radical attention - ejection!  Nicole is simply annoying as cunting fuck. When she first joined in, she was good but it's been downhill all the way, and she's lost all sense, and thinks she's so fantastic.  Osbourne never had anything to offer, and belongs in a jumble sale queue.  Gary Barlow (alias Thomas The Tank Engine) is ending his time as a judge, and thank God because I have not been able to cope with his manic approach, enthusiasm and energy.

Poor old Louis - he always was and always will be an Elf, and ever so tiny / Irish / useless / predictable / conditioned / ineffective / irrelevant / harmless*. It's possibly curtains for him after this, his tenth year.  He's suggested it's his final appearance but I am not so sure.

[ * Delete none of them ]

...