I have been looking at the ITV and BBC schedules for the week, hoping to see something that might be worth watching. To my great annoyance, I find I am having to endure a slalom course to make sure I avoid Michael Bublé.
The first obstacle which posed a serious problem was his guest appearance on last week's X-Factor, where he warbled and bubled on about fucking Christmas, to be asked afterwards by Dermot: "Is that from the Christmas album" (regarding the song called "Christmas"). Unfortunately I did not avoid the whole performance, so suffered minor injury.
I notice tonight on ITV is a 90-minute special - "Michael Bublé: Home for Christmas". That means I will be leaning to the left and waiting for Match of the Day to start, because heaven forbid I should have to suffer again. The programme details are given as:
"One-off special in which the Canadian crooner entertains an audience, performing classic festive songs from his Christmas album and dueting with the X-Factor's Kelly Rowland."
90 minutes of awfulness, to include a sprinkling of the useless Kelly Rowland. Still, at least I have spotted it up ahead, and will not be watching. Mission accomplished. Turning the pages of the week's TV schedule I come across a weird entry, and suffer deja vu for a few seconds. On Wednesday at 10.35pm until midnight is the same fucking programme. Hardly a one-off special then, was it! Prime time TV monopolised by him - is that therefore mobublised? I notice the programme is five minutes shorter - perhaps they get rid of the duet with Kelly - she's bound to have failed to impress and gone running back to the States. This means I will be relying yet again on Match of the Day to keep me sane. So, thinking my ordeal was over, I scanned the radio section, and disappointed myself through missing Lisa Hannigan on Radio 2 yesterday. It seems that her appearance on Dermot O'Leary's programme proves that he does in fact have some taste. I then came across another part of the slalom course - Bublé is monopolising (or mobublising) the airwaves at 8pm on Tuesday – showing that whilst Dermot does have some taste, Radio 2 does not!
What’s he doing on the radio? Answer one is “Fuck knows!” Answer two is singing, to include a few seasonal songs from his new album. The support act is Rebecca Ferguson. I told you, Kelly will have flounced back to the States by then, so they’ve sensibly lined up the replacement – another link to the X-Factor, as ever.
Does the UK feel it is obliged to allow Michael Bublé to plug this fucking Christmas album? Note – it’ll have a shorter commercial life than an X-Box game – come January, it will be out-of-date. For now, I am on the lookout for ‘guest appearances’ that could contaminate my viewing.
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