The finalists singing a communal noise was dire. What the fuck Goldie was doing there I don't know. You cannot have Sam AND Goldie singing, as they couldn't both have been finalists. Goldie dropped out, so should have stayed at home.
I wonder what decade Marcus will be singing in tonight; fifties or sixties? Little Mix have to be the favourites, as they are eminently more commercial, marketable and appealing than Marcus, who has established who he is and what his forte is; shame it's not what most people actually want to hear and watch though.
Break No.1
Talk Talk
Yeo Valley - farmers at it again, singing better than most contestants on X-Factor
Comet - with a massively annoying voiceover
Wii - Mario and Sonic shit
Barclays - Stephen Merchant pissing us enormously with his shit commentary that is NOT funny
John Lewis - second best advert ever from people who know how to advertise
Dior - an over-the-top advert for smelly liquid
Text Santa trailer - how many more plugs
Talk Talk
Dermot says it is 'Best In Show' time - he thinks he's at Crufts. Marcus spouts 90 seconds of monotone scouse cliches, about giving it everything, not wanting it to end, a dream . . . etc . . . etc
Marcus
Stop the fucking whooping. Oh God, he is hitting us with this old hat yet again. Higher and Higher is not going down well - my spirits are sinking 'lower and lower' with this shit. All the shouting/talking and whooping does nothing to mask the fact that the vocals are dodgy here and there.
Elf - "A born little popstar"
KR = A load of drawling cack left her mouth
Murs & Fuck. "Can you believe he's come this far?" Caroline Fuck to Marcus's mum, with a probing vital and testing question.
Break No.2
Talk Talk Ting Ting
Wonga - thieving cunts who lend money at thousands of per cent interest
Loverdose by Diesel - more smelly stuff for sale
Rise of Planet of the Apes trailer - lots of effort and animation to sell us this
Aunt Bessie's - spuds, and some more covered in duck fat; yum.
Matalan - clothes
Go Compare - fucking nightmare singing shit to drive us mad
VO5 - liked that advert
Downton Abbey trailer - cripes!
Talk Talk - jingle fuckin' bells
Little Mix
Excellent entrance - I am tempted to make a comparison with Poptarts. An excellent performance.
Elf - "Four little popstars. Vote for the little muffins."
KR - "Ya'all, ya'all, ya,all . . . . . . ya'll . . . ."
TC - A tirade and a desperate performance to drum up support and votes from the public.
Fuck & Murs: "How are you feeling tonight?" "Are you a proud mum?" - to Perrie's mum. Well done Fluck. Olly, beat boxing with kids?
Break No.3
Talk Talk
Giorgio Armani - smelly shit that costs too much
Vodafone - some crap about points
Elvive - "Triple Resist" for hair. I can resist at the first time of asking, don't need three goes.
Morrisons - Freddie Fuckoff advertising food, with the non-help of Bruce Forsythe
Maybelline - chemicals for your face from New York
Sherlock Holmes trailer - no thanks
ITV trailer for Michael Buble's 'Home For Christmas' - I'm emigrating then
Talk Talk - jingling again
Marcus
"Last Christmas, the vocals were better . . . . . . "
Karaoke shit. Granddad could do better without removing the fucking pipe from his gob, and ill-fitting teeth. This is SHIT/DIRE/AWFUL. Sit down, Thomas!
Elf - "Liverpool - lift the phones." [Was that an instruction to thieve?]
TTT - "I am a boring useless judge and a bit of a prick." [I made that up, folks]
Fuck & Murs: Pointless. "How long has he being singing for?" said Olly to Marcus's best mate. "Quite a while" said the big bird. Cracking interrogation and quality input.
Little Mix
Silent Night. Singing. Cut to Louis making notes, and underlining something (?) - can't wait Louis. Well, the singing was varied and interesting. Pretty good, I'd say.
Elf - "We know we've got something special. Little Mix - big future."
KR - "Merry Frickin Christmas" - you complete fucking annoying twat.
TC - She is auditioning for a 'God Channel' on TV !!!
Mars & Fluck: Olly talks to Prudence, who has made a Little Mixican pizza. Why???
Highlights of the series
Elf - Johnny and Kitty
TC - Watching Little Mix get through
KR - Being a mentor (not judging, I note, considering you whimped out in the quarter finals, and became WICSCO)
TTT - Something about Goldie Cheung (??)
Westlife - very good, chaps.
Break No.4
Talk Talk
Chanel No.5 - you have to like Audrey Tatou, eh?
Sony PS3 at Argos - four games, saving £140 - hmmm . .
Sure - not sure myself
YSL - more shite for Christmas
Asda - DVDs. Riveting
Nikon - a lot of tosh from a talking camera
TOWIE trailer for ITV2 - BOLLOCKS
Talk Talk - dashing through the snow
"Let's look at Marcus's sex-factor story" said TTT. Yeah, yeah; everyone's worked hard, mate. If this is the single that's going to be released, then you'd better not be singing it. The vocals are off, and you're grating. If you could do some cheese while you're at it, I'll have a sandwich in the next break. This is crap. The song isn't up to much at all, and Marcus is up to less. Is that thing in his ear working? Oh, it's got noisy, and there are 60 backing singers rousing us towards the end of the song. Come on, let's get there asap, please, as I'm not impressed with this.
Elf - "You've got everything."
TC - "You really do have everything, and a beautiful smile."
KR - "Beautiful. I know how bad you want this." [NB: The adverb is badly, Rowland]
TTT - Man love oozing everywhere.
Oily Murs: Ex-client, Steph - "He's better at singing than hairdressing."
TC - "Let's look at their journey." A clutch-bag of cliches, but their story is a bit more varied and interesting than Marcus's, even if they were given less airtime.
Little Mix
This song is not up to much, really. A bit corny and messy. Still, I reckon that I could listen to this foursome more readily than Marcus. Eh up - here's the choir/backing singers to sway sideways and clap-a-long. Better, so needs to win.
Elf - the usual stuff about girl bands and pop princesses
KR - "Congradulations."
Foock and Murz: A shit interaction with nana
Dermot: "We have Pip Schofield and Christine Bleakley to tell us more" by which he means tout 'Text Santa'. What's the "Pip" shit, and why do we have to endure (that is indeed the right word) Christine Fucking Bleakley?
Break No.5
Talk Talk
Argos - aliens shopping
XBox Kinnect - long advert for more electronic stuff
Tesco - keeping us in debt, more like, not in food
Coldplay - a plug for the album
Nina Ricci - more fragrance via a catchy tune (unday Girl)
The Inbetweeners trailer - movie
Just Henry trailer - for ITV
Talk Talk - still pissin' jinglin'
From the grammatically challenged Dermot (displaying, therefore, as aspect of Dermotitis) - "A British band who has conquered the world - Coldplay". A bit of a messy first song, but the sound quality is perhaps not as good at home as it is there (?). Coldplay stuff is generally okay, so does it really matter - no I suppose not, as people who like them will say excellent, and other will hate them. I am actually yawning a bit. This second one is too repetitive - although can you have "too" repetitive? Pointless, ridiculous interview by Dermot with Chris Martin! Twat/Arse.
Break No.6
Talk Talk - We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Estee Lauder - Bollocks at Debenhams
Coldplay - plug for noise
Currys/PC World - shit that plugs in that you'll replace within a year
KFC - as per yesterday's comment, this is the best KFC advert they've made
HMV - plugging One Direction's noise on a CD
M&S - X-Factor warblers, and it's M&S not Your M&S, cos it ain't mine
Downton Abbey trailer - yet again, these people are on my screen!
Talk Talk
Fucker & Murky: Shit comments from both, as usual, ending 'Back to you, Dermot'.
RESULT: Well done Little Mix. This was the correct result. Only 47 adverts and trailers, tonight - though some were quite long.
TTT = Thomas the Tank / Gary Barlow
TC = Top Cat / Tulisa Contostavlos
Elf = Louis Walsh
KR / WICSCO = Kelly Rowland / When It Counts She Chickens Out
Pillock = Dermot(itis)
...
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