1st Place - "My father is not a monster, he's a brilliant seafarer" [Daughter of Captain Francesco Schettino, who was in charge of the Costa Concordia]
2nd Place - "People who steal stretches and yawns are absolute fucking criminals" [Liam, after Jess robbed him of an indulgence by prodding him]
3rd Place - "They're not hypocritical, they're just thick" [Ken Morley, remarking on his fellow competitors on Celebrity Five Go To Lanzarote]
4th Place - "Jess's hiccups are the verbal equivalent of throwing a boomerang" [TMWSC, after 'experiencing' a series of sonic booms which turned out to be hiccups]
5th Place - "I've met people I'd never meet before" [Illiterate twat of a woman on Come Dine With Me]
6th Place - "She's always doing something that doesn't involve doing anything" [TMWSC, remarking on the useless shop worker at the Co-op]
7th Place - "I think somebody's just arsed it" [Dave, a work colleague, giving his technical opinion on how a massive invoicing error occurred]
8th Place - "You could fell a camel with that" [TMWSC, commenting on the potency of a third party's fart, trying to go one better than Liam's comment suggesting it could 'stop a marine']
9th Place - "If you look back historically . . . . " [Martin Keown on Match of the Day; thanks, Martin - are you sure you didn't want to add "over your shoulder" to make extra sure?]
10th Place - "The timescales with poo are completely different from the timescales with needing a wee" [TMWSC, in conversation in a car, on the matter of being caught short]
11th Place - "The music industry is great . . . . you get introduced to so much people" [Wretch32]
12th Place - "She looks like a wardrobe with no clothes in it" [TMWSC, after seeing a picture in the paper of Demi Moore with a long hollow face]
13th Place - "One of the things that hold me in good steed is . . . ." [Jason, at work, choosing the wrong word]
14th Place - "It's important to win football matches" [Kenny Dalglish, stating the obvious in an interview after a match (which Liverpool won)]
15th Place - "This unwelcome guest seems to have handcuffed themself to the post" [Commentator on Match of the Day, getting in a grammatical pickle]
16th Place - "People have a lot of misconceptions about California, but none of them are really true" [Channel 4 advert; yes, luv, that's why they're called MISconceptions]
17th Place - "When he was a star of that stellar Middlesbrough youth team" [Commentator, a bit 'star-struck']
18th Place - "The only person they have to compete with is themselves" [Useless and grammatically flawed comment from Robin Cousins on Dancing On Ice]
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