Monday 27 February 2012

27.2.12 Twenty Random Questions and General Pondering

1 - Who was it who came up with the wonderful product name and strapline?  I saw an advert last week on TV, for Vagisil - fast relief from feminine itching

2 - If Wayne Rooney was so desperate to get his hair to grow, and spent a fortune on a complicated transplant treatment, why has he upon arrival of hair on top, proceeded to shave the sides of his head?

3 - If Walkers now sells crisps in multipacks of 6 with a big question mark on the packaging, to denote that two of the packs within are of a mystery flavour, should the packaging not also be marked with the http://www.gambleaware.co.uk/ details, to support the gambling on 1/3 of the contents being inedible?

4 - On the Jonathan Ross Show, I saw within the end credits, mention of someone whose job title is "Head of Talent".  What the fuck is all that about, and what does the person actually do?

5 - On what date did it become illegal for pundits, commentators and presenters to avoid use of the words "in a row", "on the trot" and "consecutively", in favour of either "on the bounce" or "on the spin"?

6 - Which cunt came up with "Threevolution" as used in the new advert for Ambi Pur, and the plug-in [fucking fire hazard] contraption with three scents?

7 - Can Andy Townsend stop using the term 'tempo' without understanding its meaning, because saying "the game's got tempo" is like saying I've got body temperature!

8 - How the fuck did Subway get to be the sponsor of the Biggest Loser on ITV?  This fodder is far from healthy, as proven by numerous surveys, and it's a joke that someone looking to lose weight and become more healthy is doing so "in association with" (as the advertising bollocks goes) Subway.

9 - Calling those who campaign for the rights of women who want to express milk pictorially (those currently ranting about Facebook's ban on such images) as "Lactivists" is in poor taste, and all rather hippy-like.

10 - Why is Regaine For Men in need of the 'e' at the end of Regain?

11 - Has anyone measured the strength of the average ox, and thus determined whether it's a suitable unit to apply to those apparently as strong as one?

12 - Could some or other fucker on television please provide the results of an elimination contest in some fucking order rather than no particular one, for a change!

13 - Does anything ever happen that isn't in daylight that is of a "broad" nature?

14 - Why the fuck do we need a 'Health Lottery' when we have the National Lottery?  It just means the prize money is spread out in more areas, so it's less of an incentive to participate, and anything that is paid for by the Health Lottery is a saving for the government!

15 - Why on earth is it the responsibility of supermarkets to pay for all sorts of cuntin' crap for schools, rather than the government's?  As a follow on question - "Why am I looked at as a raving lunatic and heathen by a checkout operator, when I say I'm not collecting the vouchers for schools!

16 - Why do fizzy drinks manufacturers think that they need to endorse the dispensation of vouchers via supermarkets to turn run-down areas into skateboard parks?

17 - Christine Bleakley - why?

18 - Is there any link between smoking and Olay, bearing in mind that Invisipatches apparently tackle seven symptoms of giving up smoking (including moods swings and irritability) while Olay claims to have seven age-defying effects?

19 - Why is Bulmers Original in need of its second word, as a brand name?  Surely Bulmers Fake or Bulmers Good Copy But Not The Real Thing is unlikely as an alternative, so we don't need to be told the fucking obvious (?)

20 - Why are there on sale so many supposed 3-seater sofas which have just two cushions?

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