I will forgive Ryanair for the relentlessness with which the onboard staff touted the snacks, drinks, gifts etc. and I forgive them for the ludicrous length of the 'bag drop' queue before we ever got near the fucking aeroplane. I will never forgive the two cunts who were stationed at the boarding gate!
A woman was checking boarding cards (A4 sheets of paper these days) against passports. She was unable to multi-task, and insisted that for our party of five, each passport and A4 sheet had to be paired up, so she could make sure we were not international terrorists trying to sneak on board and fuck Ryanair by blowing up a plane in protest over the outrageous cup-a-soup cost (3.60 Euros). We obliged after considering that her ability to play 'snap' had one her the job, and she'd never progressed to the 'Simple Simon' game where sequences had to be remembered. Past her loitered the two cunts; one was limping around, using a stick. She instantly reminded me of 'Herr Flick' from 'Allo 'Allo. This officious bitch was on a mission to offend anything that had the nerve to breathe, and that included us!
I was first to run the gauntlet, and was directed by Bitch 1 towards the frame which measures hand luggage. Bitch 2 was a smaller woman who sat next to the frame, adding nothing to the capabilities of the universe. She observed the luggage that was put into the frame upon the direction of Herr Flick. I put my case in, and it fitted perfectly, as I knew it would. I was carrying a smaller bag as well, to save my youngest son carrying it. Bitch 2 insisted I put the other bag (which was so obviously smaller) into the frame as well - pointless. But then she stopped me from proceeding, as I was carrying a bag for someone else [my son who has enough to deal with in suffering the Ryanair fucking systems and his autism, the former being the greater handicap] and insisted that I leave the bag behind. As I hung around for my family to follow the same process, I was amazed that Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 expected us to put two more bags into the frame, when they were IDENTICAL to the first one. I pointed this out but was met with two cuntin' ignorant cunts who insisted that we co-operate.
My wife mentioned (at 88 decibels) that "this is fuckin stupid" as we checked the further two bags of the same design/size, along with a further smaller bag. "TMWSC Junior" (like his father) was vocal, stating to Bitch 2, "what do you know, it fucking fits, like the last one" with a sarcastic/shocked expression. He also came out with: "Do you know what, luv, you've got crackin' people skills". I don't believe the Bitch had any idea that he was taking the piss. Meanwhile, my wife was being told to move on with a "you go" order, and leave our son to manage on his own. "How dare you!" and other comments came from Mrs TMWSC.
The walk from the gate to the aeroplane provided as all with an opportunity to let off steam, after the absolutely outrageous treatment from two complete cunts employed by Ryanair. We all swore to get it out of our systems before boarding. The real issue was that there's no way of winning in such circumstances. To create a scene would have risked us being banned from flying. So, all I can do is highlight that there are two cunts at East Midlands Airport who deserve to be dipped in something acidic. If you ever have a choice, then choose another airline.
By the way, apparently it's vital that when there's the slightest chance of the tiniest level of turbulence, everyone has to sit down and fasten his/her seatbelt - without exception. At the very same time, it's perfectly fine for trolley dollies to wander around selling overpriced scalding hot coffee. You can drink and/or be scalded, but you cannot have a piss.
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