In my newspaper today, I received the usual annoying polythene holder containing not just the Buzz TV Guide, and the pointless extra rubbish (any one from a rolling list that includes Argos shit, DFS bollocks, holiday offers, Sky info, Virgin Media crap, clothing catalogues) but also a Euro 2012 Sticker Album! This glossy covered booklet (larger than A4) contains 62 pages upon which we are being enticed to affix stickers. This fucking sticker holder must have cost a fair amount to produce, and it has been dumped on millions of people! I do not want to collect cuntin football stickers, you arseholes! I am offended as fucking fuck that you have wasted resources to distribute such utter shit in such a way. This sort of action is in my opinion criminal.
Nearly as criminal is the cost of the fucking contents! I am no expert on the retail price of packets of pointless stickers, but the catalogue/holder contains an insert that allows them to be ordered at 14p each, which will not be any more expensive than the shop price. So even on that basis, the 539 empty spaces in this ridiculous book will mean a theoretical minimum cost to complete the collection of £75.46 excluding postage, petrol, and effort in adhering the small stickers to the pages. HOWEVER - and it is important you note the size of this 'however', there is no way on this earth that you'll be able to purchase 539 stickers that match the requirement. No, the science of multiples, rarity of some in the collection, and the whole spectre of 'swapping' means that it will be rather harder than just coughing up seventy-five-fuckin-quid. Even if I ignore completely the enormous time and effort that would be necessary to trade efficiently (with whom I don't know) there would necessarily be numerous stickers that would be worthless multiples, for this is part of the marketing model. I suggest that the most switched-on entrepreneur in the country would still find himself or herself outlaying two to three times the money to get the specific 539 needed. So, many, many hours and about £200 is the optimum result for a completed album. Most people will fall short and end up with a hole in their finances and an incomplete tatty book that's useless, and loads of stickers showing the same few players from a handful of the teams. The sticker album comes with a few stickers, I assume to 'get me going'. Well, I am going, all right - going to rip the fuckers up and bin it all. If some twat at Panini thinks that my being given a sticker of Gareth Barry is in any way helpful, beneficial or legal (considering I could sue for trauma) then it underlines the flaws in this pointless industry and pointless pursuit. I cannot call it a 'trivial' pursuit because that's an entirely different endeavour which is trade-marked, and further, the Panini exercise is hardly trivial if it'll cost hundreds of pounds.
I suggest that anyone interested in the Euro 2012 Championship, being hosted this summer by Ukraine and Poland, should watch and enjoy the football, and afterwards, if so inclined, purchase a book for £10 which includes all the relevant details and the results as well!
I have my own sticker collection that is available to all readers of this blog. TMWSC 2012 Collection will I hope be of interest to many, and I urge the people at Panini responsible for this whole fiasco to consider participating. It won't cost anything, let alone the hundreds of pounds needed on the Panini project - the entire collection is just a single sticker. The exercise to collect it will involve no more than printing it out and using some glue. Here it is:
I hope that has helped you decide whether to embark on your collection of sticker(s) this summer.
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