What a weird hotchpotch of acts for the last semi-final. As ever, I predicted an "incredible start to the show" before even knowing the first act. It turned out to be Face Team, the Hungarian trampolining and basketball playing ensemble. There were okay, but even if it was tricky for them, I got bored with it half way through. That didn't stop me hearing afterwards: "What a start to the show" from Dec, and "An incredible start to the show" from Alesha. David Walliams chipped in with "An extraordinary act". Simon concentrated on the international flavour, stating: "I welcome all the different countries who have come to Britain's Got Talent." Sorry, Simon, but if that's the case and it's your show, then shall we just call it "Got Talent" then? Or maybe Europe's Got Talent then?
Dec enthralled me with his: "It's time for a quick break" which was a complete lie, because it was a far-too-long break, like all of them, so the quick part of his comment was blatantly wrong.
Greig Stewart was plainly awful, and belonged in a nightclub somewhere, not on TV. The laser harp was really just a notch up from a stylophone, and he struggled to play the thing. As Daughter-in-Law said: "Give me ten minutes, and I'm sure I could whack a tune out of that laser harp."
Dec enthralled me again with his: "It's time for a quick break" which was a complete lie, because it was a far-too-long break, like all of them, so the quick part of his comment was blatantly wrong.
Billy George in his hoop was certainly talented, and the display was different from most things we've seen this week. My only concern was that having seen him, there's less motivation to want to watch him again.
What can I say about the Dalek bloke, Martyn Crofts, other than this 'act' was complete fucking shit. His presence in the competition is not his fault. Well, it is to a degree, of course, because this idiot has put himself forward to waste my life and piss me off with his pathetic offering. However, the bigger criticism by far has to be directed at the stupid judges who displayed the most tragic lack of judgement this series by giving him a place. There were so many other deserving acts who should have been preferred. Instead, the saucepan-headed bloke did what you'd expect a seven-year-old to do at a kids' party after a mug of sherry!
Dec enthralled me with his: "It's time for a quick break now" which was a complete lie, because it was a far-too-long break, like all of them, so the quick part of his comment was blatantly wrong. Worse than than, before going to the adverts we had to endure two minutes of shit by way of the competition, to identify that Del Trotter was in Only Fools and Horses, and not Miranda or Porridge.
Callum Oakley was funny, and very impressive considering stand-up comedy is so hard to do and he's just sixteen years old. However, it's BGT and not HGFHA [He's Good For His Age]. I am certain we'll see him in the coming years doing rather well for himself but he was never going to win.
Hope Murphy was good enough; her voice was strong, pure and less orange than the singer herself. I suspect though that she'd have struggled to get through on any of the five shows, because there was nothing distinctive enough about her to tip the scales in her favour.
Dec enthralled me with his: "It's time for a quick break" which was a complete lie, because it was a far-too-long break, like all of them, so the quick part of his comment was blatantly wrong. [Are you getting as much deja vu as I am regarding these breaks?]
Strictly Wheels was just awful, or as I said in my non-politically correct way from my sofa, 'Lame'. Sorry, folks, but participation was a charity stunt because what was being offered as an act was indeed weak. The only reason they got put through was the wheelchair ticket. The waxy bloke flung his legs around (and I couldn't ignore the irony as he almost taunted his sitting partner) while she shuffled along as quickly and randomly as possible. All credit to her for keeping active and positive and not letting disability stop her enjoying herself, but this is not a reason to avoid the truth, that the act was not up to scratch - and it was in fact worse than the audition performance. As Amanda said afterwards, she was "underwhelmed", as was I.
Aquabatique did well, swimming in synch outside to James Bond music. I recognise the effort and abilities of the four of them, but I am still struggling with the idea that a sport, and an Olympic sport at that, is something that can count as an act on BGT. As per the sentiment in my post yesterday, let's have Sanyo San Mar ridden by Harvey Smith having a go at the puissance on stage. That would wrap up sport with an animal, and count as variety without a singer or dancer in sight. What do you think?
Dec enthralled . . . . . . no he fucking didn't, I put the kettle on while everyone on BGT went back inside. The comments after the break suggested to me that Aquabatique would be going through.
Ryan O'Shaughnessy sang well and played well and was, well, good. Clearly he was set to go through now that The Irish Voice had let him off.
THE RESULTS
No great shock, then, with Ryan winning. I think Aquabatique benefited from this being an Olympic year but it's nevertheless good that a non-singer goes into the final.
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