28.11.10 Award Winning

The phrase 'award winning' is a clever one.  It implies quality/brilliance/achievement, and yet does not actually give enough detail for one to know if the thing or service actually has any real value.  "The Man Who Says Cunt" is an award winning blog if I decide to give myself an award! [even if that award is simply a Smartie and homemade certificate].

It was with all this in mind that I last week sat down to eat at a Holiday Inn restaurant.  Looking over the menu, I came across the following:

Award-Winning Pork & Cracked Black Pepper Sausages
With creamy mashed potato and gravy

At £13.95, it was a touch expensive, but so was everything else.  Two things struck me.  First, what was the 'award'?  Second, the mash and potato combo was clearly of lower quality, not having picked up any award.  To satisfy my curiosity, I asked Peter (the waiter) to enlighten me on the phrase 'Award Winning'.  Expressing surprise that the menu did not include this information, he disappeared for three minutes (during which time he liaised with the chef, he later confirmed).  Upon his return, he presented a sheet of paper - a downloaded copy of a certificate issued by BPEX (the British Pig Executive) confirming a Gold Medal had been awarded to York House Meat Products in the Traditional Pork Sausage Category for 'Hampshire Outdoor Bred Pork with Cracked Black Pepper'.

Satisfied that the phrase 'award winning' was appropriate (although it was in 2007 !) I decided to order, adding Green Beans & Carrots (£1.95) as a side dish.  Whilst these vegetables matched the mash and gravy in being 'awardless', the green beans had the perfect level of squeakiness.  Peter moved on to other diners, making sure he continued to finish each and every exchange/utterance with "No problem". 

The food was okay, but I think that as with the life of sausages themselves, certificates extolling the virtues of any one variety should have a shelf life, and ought to be revoked every once in a while.  Three years on, with certificate on the wall, I suspect the makers have lost interest a bit in maintaining standards.  Still, I was hungry and ate it all.

I decided to have a dessert, and opted for Knickerbocker Glory - but without whipped cream.  Now, I am not sure whether the absence of the cream technically invalidated the tall glass's claim to be a Knickerbocker Glory, but I ploughed through it, trying to minimise the success of the raspberry goo that seemed to want to accompany every spoonful of other stuff.

So, remember, next time you come across something said to be "Award Winning", why not take things a step further and find out more about the award.  BPEX's award of Food Sausage of the Year 2007 GOLD has this last week reached an audience greater by 2 - Peter and me.  Now I share it all with you.

...