Team Jessie
This was the shittiest rendition of Michael Jackson's Beat It that I have ever heard, and I was desperate for it to be over. Cassius got through, but probably because of having the more unusual name - it certainly had nothing to do with the voice.
Team Tom
We had to listen to The Edge of Glory, sung by Barbara and Leanne. In the lead up to the duel, we saw Cerys Matthews, whose facial expressions reminded me of a demented Ken Dodd [if that's not confusing, inasmuch as Ken has no other expression]. I would rather have seen a sumo contest between the two heavyweights rather than these two trying to out-decibel each other. The funniest part was Tom's comment at the end: "This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done." What complete bollocks, Tom. Leanne progressed while will.i.survive apparently lusted over Barbara, pretending to melt like chocolate on the seat, or some such crap he was spouting.
Team will. you.still.love.me.tomorrow
Frances and Kate were good friends, we learned, and our education was made complete in the trailer when Will said: "Ultimately one's going to outperform the other." Thanks for that, Will. The singing was diabolical; dire versus diahorrea! They both managed to hit wrong notes, sing off key and amaze be with how poor they could be. I then realised that instead of Will stating the fucking obvious, he'd actually lied. Neither outperformed the other, they were both horrendous. Jessie commented by sitting on the fence perfectly, with: "Both of you are on a par with each other." Yes; 'dregs'. Frances got through, but Will tried to make Kate feel better with: "We're gonna hang out." Yeah, right.
Team O'Danny Boy
This pitched Aleks against Emmy. Now, spelling Alex with a 'ks' instead of the 'x' is just daft, pretentious and shit. As shit as the decision by Dunno to put him through instead of Emma, who sang better. She wasn't fantastic, but she was in tune, not flat, and seemed to know what she was doing. Aleks (oh, it pains me to type those two letters together - ks) was simply awful, flat and weak. Dunny said, "Emmy, you're further down the line, but I still have a lot to show Aleks, in a way." Arrogant twat.
Team Josie
Ben versus Ruth-ann, both wanting to dance with somebody. The performance was shite, and the last note was a cats' chorus. When Jessie picked Ruth-ann, Dunnie said it was "one of the biggest shocks so far" - this from the tosser who'd just picked Aleks!
Team TomTom
Indeed, a TomTom would show more direction and give better input than just Tom. He put Lindsey against Peters and Lee, now called Matt & Sueleen. Come to think of it, the 'blind auditions' would have suited Peters and Lee! Anyway, Malt Loaf & Soreen were weird. I heard the following - "It took the tosser a coin to get them on his team", before realising it was "toss of" rather than "tosser", and so Tom escaped the insult - shame. Lindsey came out with some Midlands grammar - "For me, getting to the live shows is going to be the most ultimate thing." Yeah, I'm sure it'll be the bestest most brilliantest greatest singfest ever, luv. Still, I would have picked her over the hippies. I thought this programme was supposed to be The Voice, NOT The Voices (these are what Will hears most of the day). Tom goes with M&S then, while I prefer the proper Marks & Spencer.
PS: Jessie commented at the end: "I would have gone with Lindsey, but they're [M&S] more interesting to watch." Oh, so it's not about the voice anymore, then?????
Team Danny O'Dinner Queue
Murray v Hannah. Quote from Danny, to the two contestants: "This is the stage where you should do what you do. If you don't do it, there's no point in being here." Profound, inspiring, and wonderful, to the point where I think you're the new Irish mastermind, and will take over from Louis Walsh. Hannah won.
Team Josie
Another double-act, with Indie & Pixie coming across as unlikeable. Becky had the better voice (and isn't that what it's all about?) and won. Will came out with a comment about the Chipmunks, saying "you've improved a thousand quatrillion percent." What a wassack!
Team Tom
Adam v Denise. Boring. Adam went through.
Team willo.the.wisp
J Marie took on Sophie, while Will sat in his Thunderbirds outfit pulling faces. Afterwards, he came up with: "J Marie Cooper, super doopa." However, he chose Sophie, who was most definitely not the better singer. No, he sat there and with a tear in his eye, went on about being given a chance when he was seventeen years old. That's right, she's seventeen. Let's get one thing fucking clear - it's NOT about the voice. On this occasion, it was all about the age! He picked Sophie because of potential, age, whatever. She might be okay, and better than others in the competition, but in the duel against J Marie, she was not the best.
Team O'Dear Who
David beat John. Yawn. "This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life" was rather overdoing it, Danny. Please can you stop with the melodrama, pained expressions, and bollocks leaving your mouth. Ta.
I can't say this competition is good, because it's not. There is some entertainment, though, and it certainly hasn't come from the singers thus far. No, it's all about the Judges.
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