Why are the pillows in a Travelodge flatter than a squashed vol au vent?
Why is the stress so different in 'Patrol' from the stress in pronouncing 'Petrol'?
Is Thai Cheese fitter and more agile than other cheeses?
How many people have ever actually killed two birds with a stone?
Football managers should be banned from chewing gum.
Who at Victoria Plumb decided the best advertising strategy was to use the sides of abandoned trailers in fields alongside motorways?
The Euro is a currency with Parkinson's Disease.
No songs should ever be allowed a reference to the 'DJ' in the lyrics.
Travelodge soap is second in hardness only to diamonds.
Use of the words "kind of" and "kinda" should be outlawed in civilised society.
The Co-op should be liquidised in a giant blender, and all/any profits given back to Dividend Card holders.
Ashley Young should be tied to a post as part of his training, so that he manages rather better at staying upright and not falling over when the breath of a sparrow performing the 'Birdie Song' can ordinarily topple him.
Ken Livingstone should move to the Polish salt mines and remain underground.
Why do Mars Bars taste like shit now?
Lenny Henry has not been funny this century.
Why do belts have to be removed at airports?
Goal line technology is a fucking must, so sort it!
Green taxes are a cuntin con!
The EU is a bloated, mad, fucked-up, and pointless institution that demonstrates on a rolling basis that it will never ever serve the collected 'community' nor be anything other than a cuntin catastrophe.
Tom Jones should retire and/or hibernate.
Why oh why does this series of the 'Great British Menu' need to have forty-fuckin-five episodes?
Only an idiot would expect the estimate (in 2005) of £2.37billion as the cost of the 2012 Olympics not to end up being ten times that figure.
What if your brother is heavy, though, Mr & Mr Righteous.
Is there anywhere that I can go to escape news and pictures of Rihanna?
Why does Pippa associate with guns?
With so many benefits available, why should people in the UK work?
With such useless border control in the UK, why should people not flock here?
After Labour fucked the UK to within an inch of its life, why is the Coalition being a collective 'twat'?
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