One thing I noticed about the style of the TV guide is the choice of fonts, and the line-breaks, which together with other factors can lead to misinterpretation. The most common double entendre stems from the 'possessive' meaning being switched to the apostrophe signifying a missing letter. This gives us, as a sample of this genre:
Lorraine's Fast, Fresh and Easy
Food
The word 'food' saves the day in terms of accurate portrayal, although the word on the next line was read with disappointment by me as I'd rather hoped she'd be providing rather more entertainment! Other examples are:
Russell Howard's Good News [which is of course a matter of opinion]
Francesco's Italy Top to Toe [is he, indeed!]
Nigel Slater's Dish of the Day [not according to Mrs MWSC he isn't]
Stephen Fry's Key to the City [actually he probably is!]
Rick Stein's India [does India Fisher - her of the annoying as fuck voice-over on Masterchef - know about this identity theft?]
Elsewhere I found an opportunity to see how pairing consecutive programmes could lead to a rather more interesting schedule, especially on Quest - Freeview 38 - which would give us:
Hitler's Children Build, Buy or Restore?
Kings of Construction: Hitler- A Profile.
Storm Chasers Destroyed In Seconds
World's Strangest Outback Truckers
All improvements, I think you'll agree. Other misleading programmes include today's offering) at 8pm on More4) Made In Italy: Top Ten Italian Dishes. This is unfortunately another fucking cooking programme and not a review of Italian crockery and pottery.
Another disappointment came when I saw the following listed for 7.30pm on 13th August on BBC2.
Wild Cameramen at Work
Instead of any fascinating insight into the behaviours of two wild men (Doug Anderson and Doug Allan) it is simply poor grammar in announcing a programme containing footage of animals etc. - shame, that.
Some programmes are just simply weird, shit or both, judging by the pathetic content. How about these?
I Love My Country - surely the worst programme to be aired by the BBC for decades.
Homes Under the Hammer - which would be so much better if this was literally the case.
Mastermind - which last week allowed 'The Muppets' as a chosen specialist subject.
Tipping Point - Ben Shephard takes us to it so expertly, nauseatingly and far too regularly.
Storage Hoarders is on at 2pm on Monday 12th August. If you'd ever wondered (me neither) what had happened to Aggi MacKenzie, she's pissing about on another dire show. This one is going to provide scintillating viewing; here's the blurb: "Helping a postmistress who has filled a storage unit with possessions." If that doesn't tempt you, then you are not a moron after all.
Elsewhere, Don't Get Done, Get Dom is hard at it, with great content; here are a few of the offerings.
"Helping a couple whose conservatory has a damp problem." [What about helping us with a 'Dom' problem?]
"A man who faced countless problems after buying a new front door." [You can't get better than that!]
"A couple who want a refund for their car." [What's wrong with it? I don't wonder]
"A couple with a collapsing driveway." [Same couple, and car too heavy, perhaps?]
Other Lowlights for This Week
FRI 7.55pm (Channel 4) 4thought.tv
A couple have their cat cremated, which they believe provides proper closure for them and a dignified end for the animal. [That's all very well, but I hope it's dead and not just something for the couple to do on a wet weekend]
THU 7.30pm (ITV) Food Facts & Fiction: Tonight - The Health Traps
Jonathan Maitland investgates the nation's obesity problem and the physical impact of unhealthy food, [so far so good] while chef Simon Rimmer finds out what is in children's lunch box. [Well, the second half of this long-titled programme sounds rather worrying and dodgy to me!]
WED 7.00pm (Channel 5) Emergency Bikers
A man is reported to be wielding an axe, and a mother is seen breastfeeding her baby in the back seat of a moving car. [How atrocious! She should be imprisoned and the kid put into care! Have we sunk so low now that this minor action is treated as newsworthy, let alone content for a shit show.]
WED 8.00pm (ITV) How Not to Get Old
Louise Redknapp reviews anti-ageing gadgets and learns about some unusual exercises, Anna Richardson tests non-invasive jowl treatment, and a woman considers breast surgery. [I am intrigued by Louise's gadget and 'exercises', but what-the-fuck is 'non-invasive jowl treatment' then? Sounds too much like 'bowel' and is probably no more than rubbing a chin. As for the last part, the 'woman' considering surgery is obviously not well known, what with not being named like the other two.]
MON 9.00pm (Channel 5) Big Brother
The housemates nominate again. [For 'nominate' read 'masturbate' - they are all wankers.
SUN 11.05pm (BBC1) That Puppet Game Show
Family entertainment show in which two celebrities, beginning with Jonathan Ross and Katherine Jenkins, compete in a number of challenges hosted by a group of puppets. [What shit, with two shits.]
So. there you have it, a general view of the dire state of television. Last week it was worse for the simple reason that Jeremy Wade appeared between the two Coronation Street episodes on Friday (yesterday) in a REPEAT of his River Monsters shit - prime time television churning out not just shit from a twat, but repeated shit from a twat!
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