My TV Guide is this week almost devoid of food programmes on the main channels. I say 'almost' because there are still many, but with Food Glorious Food having finished, and the marathon that was Masterchef finishing on Thursday night, we're left with remnants for the coming week. Just to confirm the bareness of the schedules, here's what's being served:
Saturday Farm
Saturday Kitchen Live
Nigel Slater's Simple (Suppers)
My Tasty Travels with Lynda Bellingham
Heston's Titanic Feast
Come Dine With Me [638 episodes]
Saturday Kitchen Best Bites
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA
What's Cooking?
The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Great Britain
Paul Hollywood's Bread
The Great British Bake Off: Masterclass
Chinese Food In Minutes
The Great British Bake Off
As you will appreciate, this is well below the level of cooking we've come to expect on terrestrial TV.
General
Saturday 4th
Pointless Celebrities With Esther Rantzen, John Virgo and Edith Bowman. Exactly - pointless indeed.
Sunday 5th
Escape To The Country Jules Hudson tries to find a couple their first home together with a budget of £750,000. Not much of a challenge, that - 'tries' indeed!
Monday 6th
Vicious Complete shit.
1001 Things You Should Know (1) Vicious is complete shit. (2) Not to watch this programme or even bother with the other 999 things.
Tuesday 7th
Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic Pixie McKenna focuses on mucus. Now that's entertainment, eh?
Wednesday 8th
Phil Spencer: Secret Agent The property expert finds a health hazard in a kitchen in Billericay and in Southend-on-Sea he discovers a home bathed in pink. [Last in series]. He hardly merits the title of 'Secret Agent'. James Bond he is NOT. A Quantum of Bollocks.
Thursday 9th
Nature's Weirdest Events Chris Packham investigates a frog that can bring itself back to life from a frozen state and a slimy creature responsible for a mysterious oceanic ooze. [Last in series] It's not at all clear whether the weirdness relates to the subject of his investigation (ie. the frog) or his own efforts with investigating. As for the second element of the programme, that's the pot calling the kettle black - one slimy creature to another!
Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo operates a 19th century signal box. Whoop-de-fucking-do! I though he'd gone for a rest, but here he is, still pissing about on trains.
Comment On A Tangent
What I find as disturbing is the incessant need, apparently, for us to witness well-known people trotting around and achieving fuck all. Others who are out-and-about this week include: (1) Lynda Bellingham, who as well as hosting 'Tasty Travels' on Saturday, is offering us on Sunday her 'Country House Sunday' shite involving her visiting stately homes. (2) The 'Coast' team, finding more fucking coastline than wrinkles on Bruce Forsythe's face. (3) John Sergeant wandering around and taking photographs. (4) Caroline Quentin, whom I think is still looking for a Cornish tin mine to fall down, alas unsuccessfully. (5) Rory Bremner, with his 'Great British Views'. I know he is talking about the scenic type of views, but I think there's space for a far more radical and entertaining programme in its place - TMWSC's Views, and there's fuck all that is scenic in that category. I would not need to wander around Great Britain to conclude with the simple view that the country is fucked-up.
Friday 10th
The A to Z of TV Gardening (R) Quite simply far too many letter in this programme detail. This episode is not in fact the one on the letter 'R'. We don't know what letter it is this Friday - the 'R' mean 'Repeat'. Ha!
PS. Sad News - Jeremy Wade still hasn't been eater by a big fish
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