14.5.13 Weather Or Not

During April and May I have been reminded of what a pathetic collection of people make up weather presenters on TV.  I have no idea what the collective noun is for this weird group of individuals.  Perhaps a "Storm" of weather bods, or maybe a "Trickle".

To be in this oddest of groups, one has to have attributes that comply with at least three of the following criteria, although most have managed to achieve rather more than that.

• The ability to wink at the end of a weather summary
• The obsession with describing showers as 'wintry' because they fall between October and May
• The lack of dress sense
• The inclination to tell people to 'take care'
• The free use of the phrase 'spits and spots of rain'
• The spooky use of arms, hands and fingers to point out areas affected
• The inability to count, confirmed through use of, for example, "highs of 19" when that is just one high
• Smiling inappropriately - and even flirting
• Being Sian Lloyd
• Talking gibberish
• Using the word 'mistiness' when 'mist' will fucking do
• Annoying me by saying at the end, "That's your weather" - it's not mine!

Here are some recent quotes:

1. The winds will get their act together
2. A little hint of winteriness
3. A bit of sleetiness
4. Some spits and spots of drizzly rain
5. Just a chance of the odd spit or spot of rain
6. Bits and pieces of rain
7. Some showers, some of them hefty ones
8. Showers trickling down towards Cornwall
9. Coastal fog a threat down to the south
10. The sun will puncture its way through the cloud
11. The weather's cheering up by Friday
12. Temperatures a lot more comfortable than they have been
13. In the south, 13 or 14 degrees, maybe squeaking 15
14. Highs of 22 or 23; enjoy

This last one was most annoying; how dare the cunt tell me to 'enjoy', and it's hardly down to her because she's not serving it up!

What bollocks!

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